Bête Noire
by DestinyCrusader
Summary: "I'll never forget the expression on her face, because I couldn't tell what it was. A cross between confusion, fear, sadness— and something else, something darker than I ever could have imagined, lingered in her eyes." Delinquent Vanitas meets passionate Xion, and something in the way she hides her words makes him want to find out why. AU, Vanitas POV. Cover art: Todd Horne.
1. Chapter 1: Hell

**Disclaimer: I, DestinyCrusader, do not own any part of Kingdom Hearts. That said, read on if you dare. :)**

**Note: Fixed some typos, edited some stuff out.**

**Updated: A big thank you to my beta, Mystics Apprentice**

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><p><em>Bête Noire<em>

_Chapter One: Hell_

I ran my hand through my hair, preparing myself for hell.

In other words, high school. Of course, everyone called it hell, but it was a different kind of hell for me. I was good at tuning out the constant blabbering of teachers; it was the sound of the motorbikes outside that really got me going. I always watched them pass by, and it took all my self-control to stay in my seat instead of bolting out the classroom doors, screaming at the guys to take me with them.

_One of these days, I'm pulling one of those guys off, laughing and pointing at him as I ride off into the sunset._

I wanted one of those bikes. Badly.

Sighing, I tried not to stare at the gleaming seniors' motorbikes in the school parking lot as I adjusted my tattered backpack for the thousandth time. I hated the damn thing. If I could have my way, I'd tear it to shreds and dump it into the Atlantic Ocean. But unfortunately, I didn't have it my way. And I had to lug the thirty pounds of crap to school whether I liked it or not.

"Vanitas!"

I didn't have to turn around to know who'd called my name, and sure enough, Terra caught up to me as I trudged through the school doors. His brown hair was neat as always, his eyes warm but distant.

"Past the gateways to hell," I muttered, and my taller friend rolled his eyes.

"You at it again, huh?"

I shrugged. "I won't stop, you know. It's always gonna be true."

Terra nodded silently, and I felt a slight pang of guilt. He'd grown used to my "in hell" attitude, and yet he still hung out with me despite my disheartening personality. Must have been rather annoying.

"So guess what? You won't believe this," Terra always spoke calmly, but he at the moment, he still managed to sound excited. But, the brunet rarely got excited, so his tone surprised me.

I raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "Yes...?"

"Dude, calm down, don't get so enthusiastic!" he joked sarcastically, rolling his eyes again. "It's just that Riku joined Circle of Life."

My eyes widened. "Riku did _what _now?"

Terra burst out laughing. "Okay, really?" he finally managed, "I meant the band."

I paused for a moment. "Is that what they're calling themselves now?" The band had the weirdest habit of changing its name every two days.

He nodded seriously. "Yeah."

"Really, now?"

Terra narrowed his eyes. "Is it just me, or are you ending all your sentences with 'now'?"

Leave it to Terra to notice something like that. This time I was the one rolling my eyes.

"Terra... You're a lost cause."

"Don't push it, Vanitas. I'll leave right now and then you won't know we had math homework until we're in Trigonometry class and Mr. Stevenson calls your name."

I did a double-take. "We had Math homework?"

Terra sighed, but started to shrug off his backpack nonetheless. Unlike me, who would've rummaged around random junk until I found it, he had his notebook out in seconds. That neat freak.

"Thanks, man," I was actually relieved. I didn't need another annoyingly awkward meeting where Mr. Stevenson went on and on about my future, and then Mrs. Caramel, the principal, gave me yet another long lecture that rang through my head until I got home and remembered that none of it really fucking mattered.

Terra seemed to sense what I was thinking, like always.

"Give it back to me during lunch," he warned, but his eyes told me a million other things.

And he didn't need to say any of them.

"Okay."

Terra, having already zipped up his backpack, turned to leave when someone blocked his way.

The blond figure gave Terra a hard shove. He stumbled backwards but caught himself before he fell on top of me and possibly crushed me.

"Hey, you." Seifer didn't bother with names. "I heard that motherless brother of yours was hangin' around my girl last night."

He was referring to Lea, Terra's adopted brother. Including his stepbrother Riku, Terra loved both his brothers with a passion. And even though he hated meaningless fighting, I could tell things were going to get ugly if I didn't step in.

"Let's break this up, shall we?" I tried, standing between Seifer and Terra.

"How about I break your face?" Seifer responded.

At his words, I felt the anger boiling up inside me, and I knew I had no control over it.

"Seifer's got style, you know?" Rai piped up from behind Seifer's tall figure.

I shot him a glare. "Seifer's got no dick, you know?"

The entire hallway fell silent, and the air suddenly felt ice cold. The nearby kids started to crowd around in a circle, and although no one made a sound, I could tell they were all anticipating a fight. Well, they were going to get one.

Seifer smirked at me. "No dick, huh? Let's see who's got no—"

He didn't even manage to get the words out before my fist came in contact with that ugly face of his.

_Oh yeah!_

There was a loud cheer somewhere in the crowd, along with some boos (_they were probably meant for Seifer_).

Seifer scrambled to his feet, wiping his bleeding lip with the back of his hand. His smile was gone, replaced with a sneer that easily suited his angered expression. Before I could dodge, he launched himself on top of me, knocking me onto the cold marble floor.

And then everything went black.

* * *

><p>I fell in and out of consciousness. The first time I was aware of anything, I felt a small hand on my forehead. I opened my mouth to say something, but everything faded again.<p>

The next time I woke up, there was a rather large animal standing by my bed. I jerked backwards, hand on my heart, before I realized it was the nurse. She chuckled, oblivious to the fact that her monstrous size had startled me.

"You awake, huh?"

_No, of course not. I'm dead. Of course, I really would die if you decided to sit on me. Please don't._

I nodded slowly. "I guess. Uh..."

The nurse guessed what I was thinking. "You're in the school infirmary. A friend of yours carried you here after some fight."

Terra _carried _me here? My heart felt heavy all of a sudden. He really was a loyal friend; and I couldn't have asked for anyone better.

I swung my legs over the bed and stood up, stumbling suddenly at the sudden dizziness and pain.

"Get back in bed!" the nurse scolded. I winced at her loud voice but complied, getting back under the white sheets.

The nurse shook her head, muttering, before placing her hand on my forehead. It covered most of my face.

I felt a sudden flash of a recent memory. The hand before had been smaller—and it had been shaking.

"Uh..." I started uncertainly. "Was there someone else here when I was... out?"

The nurse removed her hand and stared at me strangely. "Not that I know of," she said in a sickly sweet voice that didn't suit her at all.

I tried to get up again but cringed and fell back. "What the hell happened to me?"

The nurse's eyes widened. "Watch your words, mister. You had a concussion. We had to patch up your head, alright? Now, can I get a home phone number so your parents can come pick you up?"

It sounded more like a command than a question. I caught a glimpse of a name-tag on her oversized chest.

"I don't have all day," Nurse Meyers urged, a notebook and pen in hand.

_Did she pull those out of…? I'll try not to think about it._

I tried to shake my head but flinched again. "I don't have any," I managed.

"No phone." The nurse jotted something down. "Can I have your address then? We'll send someone."

"I...I meant... I don't have any parents." I choked on the last word without meaning to.

The nurse looked up in surprise, and her blank expression melted into one of pity that I hated. But everyone looked at me that way when they found out.

"Oh... Oh dear. I'm so sorry." She fumbled with the notebook before setting it down awkwardly and giving me a misplaced smile. "You'll...just have to stay here for a while then, I suppose?" She shook her head. "Of course, can't send you home alone. Um, rest, why don't you?" She nearly slammed into the door on her way out but managed to pause long enough to open it before leaving.

_Wait… How did she fit through the doorway?_

I sighed. Why did something like this have to happen every freaking day?

I closed my eyes in annoyance. I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes in what felt like seconds later, it was dark, even though the window was wide open. My first thought was that I was in my room, but that didn't make any sense because I didn't remember walking home. And then everything came rushing back along with an annoyingly raging headache. It was hard to understand how they were letting me stay at school overnight. Seeing my record, I supposed it must've been a hard decision. But I guess pity forces people's hands, and sympathy is given a new meaning—again.

"Argh, stupid life!" Suddenly I wanted nothing more than to die. Just lay there and die. It was so easy just to close my eyes and then never have to open them again, never have to face the messed up reality of broken promises and endless pity.

"Gee, thanks."

My thoughts melted away at the sound of his voice, and I turned my head to see Terra sitting on the bed beside me. I suddenly felt ashamed.

"Nice thing to say to someone who saved it," Terra commented along with one of his famous eye rolls.

"Sorry, I..."

Terra sighed.

It kind of made sense now. They trusted leaving me with one of the top students of the school with the clean record and the flawless grades.

"Never mind. Vanitas... Why did you punch him?"

I shrugged. "He pissed me off."

He shook his head, his fingers pressed against his forehead. "That's not a good enough reason."

"It's not?" I got out of my own bed. My head was throbbing, but only slightly now. "Whatever then. So what happened after I got knocked out like an idiot?"

"It was a mess. You were bleeding, and there was all this blood everywhere. Dude, I thought..." He trailed off, then continued, "This redhead came running, crying, saying she called the principal."

"That Kairi chick?"

"Yeah, and then these kids started running in random directions, slamming into each other. You almost got trampled, man. Like, seriously. And Seifer was staring at you like..."

I raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"

Terra shook his head. "I don't think he really meant to hurt you. Like me, I bet he thought... you know, I don't think he's really all that bad."

I stared at him.

"I'm not kidding. I know he was dissing Lea... but inside, he isn't that bad. It's like... he's suffering."

The comment hit home. I lost every single argument that had risen to my lips. My eyes widened, and I could barely breathe. The image of my burning house swam into view.

"Vanitas?"

I blinked. "Uh. Sorry. Um, maybe."

Terra looked at me suspiciously, but thankfully dropped the subject. "Anyway, do you wanna go home now, or... something?"

I nodded. "I'll walk home. Aren't your parents waiting?"

He shook his head. "I called and told them I might not come home tonight. Because, well... you know..." He shrugged, smiling slightly. I wanted to thank him, to apologize for being an idiot. But the words wouldn't come.

Before I knew it we were parting ways outside the school.

"Uh... Terra?" I finally managed.

He turned, already at the corner of his street.

I tried to find the right thing to say. "I... uh, I... Today..."

"Vanitas."

I stopped.

A smile broke across Terra's concerned expression. "I know. G'night."

Relief flooded through me, and at the same time, I was mad at myself— ashamed. Ashamed that I couldn't say a few simple words to my best friend and he still understood.

My hands were stuffed in my pockets but they still felt cold. I wasn't sure how long it had been since I'd wandered like this, or how much time had passed since I left school. Two hours, three? I remembered wearing a watch in middle school. Wondered where it was now.

I glanced through an open window at a wall clock, but found it too dark to see anything. I finally gave up on figuring out the time and dropped down onto the grass, lying in the endless blades of green. Only a few more days, and then it would be snowing. Stupid winter was just around the corner. I hoped it would stay there. Winter brought back bad memories.

I closed my eyes. I wasn't tired at all, but sometimes, behind closed eyelids, I could live in a better world. A better reality.


	2. Chapter 2: Words

**Yaaay, chapter two! I'm so proud of myself :P**

**WARNINGS: Some very vulgar language is used; above mild profanity.**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing of Kingdom Hearts. I own the plot if this story though :)**

**Note: Edited around a bit.**

**Thanks to: My Beta, Mystics Apprentice**

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><p><em>Bête Noire <em>

_Chapter Two: Words_

I sat up with a jerk, eyes wide and frantic, my breathing uneven. I'd fallen asleep again! I groaned, shaking my head in an attempt to wake myself. It was still dark, so it couldn't have been too long of a nap. I sighed, glad that I was warm even though… Just then, I realized I was holding a blanket.

I jumped up in surprise, nearly falling over again when the soft cloth tangled itself around my legs. Barely staying upright, I kicked the purple sheet away from me. How did I get it? Had I, in some weird way, stolen it in my sleep? The idea sounded ridiculous, but I found no other explanation. I was lying in the middle of the general park, and there weren't any houses for miles, so no one could have given it to me. Unless...

Unless that _someone _else was still close by.

Although, I didn't really know anyone else who took three-in-the-morning walks besides yours truly. I turned around in a circle, searching for anything that might resemble a human being. Unless of course, the blanket was given to me by a wild pack of wolves. Or, it had possibly dropped down from the heavens.

I was about to give up when I spotted her. She was far away, a mere speck in the distance, but I could make out a short girl with equally short hair walking away from me.

"Hey!" I called out without thinking, waving my arms in the air. "Hey?"

I guess I wasn't expecting her to turn around, because when she did my voice immediately died down and I lowered my hands. She looked… familiar.

For a moment, neither of us said a single word. Just when I opened my mouth to call out to her silhouette, she turned back around and walked away, leaving me staring into the clear, deserted sky. It was getting cloudy these days, and I didn't like it. Nighttime was only beautiful to me when I could see the stars.

Still staring at the spot where she had finally disappeared into the dark, I tried to get my brain to process what had just happened.

My attempts were useless.

* * *

><p>I touched the side of my head cautiously as I slid into my seat in the cafeteria, having not bothered to get a lunch tray. The swelling had gone down at last—after three days of wincing every time I tried to think—and I could finally take the annoying bandage off. Which I did, stuffing it into the back pocket of my jeans (I would burn it to ashes later). Now all those extremely idiotic kids would stop making jokes about me behind my back. Name-calling I could stand, but apparently, Seifer was spreading rumors about me. If any of them had been remotely truthful, I might not have taken such a disliking to them. But Seifer had gone too far this time. Anyone who even <em>mentioned<em> clowns was in danger of getting his face pummeled in.

And that wasn't even half of it. The constant glares from that brown-haired kid—what was his name, Saro?—had given a new meaning to the word irritating. He was obviously jealous of the fact that the Kairi chick was in love with me, and he spent all of his free time cutting me to pieces with those intense blue eyes of his. I might not have admitted it, but it was slightly unsettling.

Well, screw it all. I didn't care if the kid couldn't handle the fact that I was far better-looking than him, no matter how hard he tried at copying my hairstyle. Of course, it didn't help that every time I passed her I winked at the girl and threw her one of my winning smiles. But that was hardly very important in this matter, now, was it?

_The kid doesn't have a chance._

Feeling marginally happier, I was suddenly wishing I'd gotten something to eat when Terra slid into the bench opposite of me, dropping his tray onto the table. My hero.

"Hey Vanitas."

"Hi Terra," I replied, plucking a grape out of his tray and popping it into my mouth. He didn't even blink; he was used to this kind of thing with me. "How's it going?"

He shrugged. "The usual. Interesting."

I chuckled. Terra's favorite word: _interesting. _If he didn't have the heart to say something bad about it, then it was interesting. Made no sense if you asked me.

"You?" He raised an eyebrow at me before biting into his pizza. I tossed another grape into my mouth.

"Same," I muttered. "Pissed."

"At Seifer?"

"…_but inside, he isn't that bad. It's like... he's suffering." _

I shook my head as his words from a few days ago rang through my head. "I guess not."

Terra regarded my answer thoughtfully before replying.

"Look, about that night…"

"Terra?" I interrupted, watching his brown eyes widen slightly as he stopped mid-sentence. He looked wary, and I didn't blame him. "I'm not going to start another fight."

His expression melted into relief. "Right."

"Yeah."

He smiled. I wasn't surprised at his reaction. Terra was the one person that knew me better than anyone, maybe even myself. He knew I kept my word, no matter what. So if I said I wasn't going to start a fight, I wasn't going to start a fight. It was against my nature.

"Anyway," Terra went on, changing the subject in a heartbeat, "I talked to Lea about this Relena girl."

"Relena?"

Terra shifted in his seat uncomfortably. "Seifer's… um, ex-girlfriend."

"The girl he mentioned when… we fought?"

"Uh, yeah." Terra only ever lost his cool when he felt like he was doing something wrong, even though he didn't seem to realize it. "It turns out he _was _hanging out her."

I was pretty sure I knew where this was going. "Yeah, so?"

Terra was avoiding my eyes. "I thought, maybe he shouldn't…"

"Aw, c'mon man," I protested, unable to hold it in anymore. "Don't ruin this for your brother just because of some jealous blond idiot."

Terra's face cleared. "Yeah, you're right. And I think he really likes her too…" His voice radiated with the kind of happiness that I only heard when Terra was talking about his brothers. In a lot of ways, Terra was like a little kid. When he was unsure, he needed reassurance, but he could still manage well on his own most of the time.

"Maybe." I finished his grapes, rolling my eyes as I reached for the remaining pizza slice. Terra's brothers fell in and out of apparent love quite often. Of course, Lea was usually the one who confessed (it always involved a flurry of roses and chocolate and an everlasting amount of "charm") and Riku almost always kept his mouth shut until he was completely sure.

With a sudden jolt, I realized I'd gotten to know the three of them quite well. And it was hard to understand why this was so surprising. Lately, I'd just been feeling…

"Speak of the devil," Terra commented, staring straight past me. I turned around in my seat, and sure enough, there he was, his flaming-red hair easily identifiable among the thousand shades of blond and brown.

"Hey, Ra," Lea greeted, settling into the seat beside his brother and setting down his tray. Of course, wherever Lea went, his partner in crime was by his side, and soon enough Isa had dropped down beside his best friend.

"Hey Lea, Isa," Terra noted. He glanced at his watch, and then suddenly turned away from us to scan the cafeteria. I had a good hunch about what he was doing.

"Hello, Vani," Lea added, almost as an afterthought.

I swallowed the remains of the pizza, which I had been chewing at absentmindedly. "Don't call me that," I muttered warningly.

"Sure, Vani."

"You better watch your words, kid," I threatened.

Lea's emerald eyes met mine. "Or what?" He was smirking, that git. He thought I wouldn't _dare _touch him because of Terra. But he didn't know me.

"Or I'll crush your tomato head into the ground." I paused. "With your brother's permission, of course."

Terra, too busy searching the wide room for a certain someone, waved his hand disinterestedly. "Sure, sure."

Lea fell out of his chair.

_I hope that hurt, sucker._

"Gosh, Axel, sometimes I have to think hard to remember why we're even friends," Isa remarked, helping his friend up.

"Axel?" I questioned.

Isa nodded, his steely eyes suddenly bright. "Yeah, it's his Radiant Name, or RN."

I didn't trouble myself with asking what that was, but I got an explanation anyway.

"We decided we'd give everyone another name," Lea put in enthusiastically, my threat forgotten, "so whenever we talked about them, no one would know. Cool huh?"

I paused to think before answering. "So… You jumble their name up and add an x?"

Lea looked crestfallen (_Ha! Eat that!) _"You figured it out so easily?"

"It's not that easy to figure out," Isa said quickly, no doubt the mastermind behind the idea, "Vanitas here is just weird."

"Oh thanks, so what are you, Asix?" I countered.

Lea was suddenly overcome with a fit of laughter. "Actually, I was thinking more on the lines of Saxi." He wiggled his eyebrows pointedly.

Isa elbowed him none too gently. "I already _told_ you, I'm Saïx," he protested in his unusually balanced voice, even though his face was bright red.

"Hey, hey, Ra," Lea was nudging his brother in the ribs. "Don't you think Isa is _saxi_?" the redhead could barely contain his laughter.

Terra finally turned to look at us, probably from the absurdity of the question. "_What?"_

Lea and I burst out laughing, impervious to the lethal glares being shot at us from Isa's aqua green eyes. Terra stared at us for a second, face scrunched up in annoyance, before resuming his overlook of the cafeteria. Searching for the blue-haired woman often did this to him.

"Hey guys."

The infamous Riku had joined the table, and to my despair, his brown-haired friend had decided to tag along. Bad for him, I supposed.

He glared at me from behind his tall friend.

I glared back.

"So, what's up?" Riku asked, looking over at his stepbrother. Terra seemed incapable of noticing, while Lea and Isa were whispering furiously at each other, casting occasional glances around the table. So I answered for the sake of avoiding an awkward silence.

"Heard you joined the Circle of Life," I responded.

_Does he not know his friend is giving me the death stare, or is he just ignoring it? Knowing him, I'm certain he's choosing to ignore it. Moron._

"Oh." Riku tilted his head slightly.

_Doesn't all that hair in his eyes bother him? He seriously needs a haircut._

"It's Decisive Pumpkin now," he went on. What was up with this band's names? Riku grinned at my expression before trying to catch another glimpse of Terra's face.

"Uh, Terra?" I rapped my knuckles on the table meaningfully. His head whipped towards me, his expression irritated again, until he spotted his brother. "Hey Riku!"

Riku returned Terra's smile. "Looking for someone?" he teased.

Terra looked startled, his face suddenly red. "I… what? Of course not, I was just…"

"Evening, Terra."

The overly serious brunet nearly had a heart attack at the sound of her voice. "Oh, uh… Evening, Aqua," he stuttered pathetically. Without having to be asked, I slid across the bench to make room for her. Thanking me in the same, sweet voice, Aqua took her seat across from Terra.

My best friend looked at me gratefully. I tried hard not to laugh.

My eyes traveled over Riku's unmistakable frame over to the brunet who'd continued glaring at me like I'd dumped iced tea down the back of his shirt… Like that one guy in at the café a few weeks ago.

_What had he done, anyway? Oh well._

Except he wasn't shooting me angry looks anymore. In fact, his expression was a mixture of confusion and doubt. It was one of those wimpy looks I was seeing everywhere these days.

Beyond frustrated, I stood up, and Lea, who'd still been conversing secretly with Isa, spoke up immediately. "Where you goin'?"

Ignoring him, I walked over to the Saro kid and bent over, whispering harshly, our eyes locked. "What the hell, idiot. What did I ever do to you?"

The kid shrank back in horror. "Nothing, I just…"

"That Kairi girl likes me better than you, okay? Just get the fuck over it."

He looked hurt, and now Riku was the one glaring at me. _Overprotective, much?_

"I wasn't… I don't care… that…" The boy was stuttering now, poor baby, failing miserably to get his point across. "I just felt that… that…"

"That _what_?" I hissed.

He cringed. "I just felt that you weren't good enough. For Kairi."

He looked like he was bracing himself for another attack, but I was speechless. I couldn't believe it. It was never jealousy after all; he was actually _looking out_ for the girl. I sighed resignedly.

"Zola…."

He narrowed his eyes in sudden impatience. "It's _Sora."_

"Whatever." I ran a hand through my hair. "I'm not."

"Not…what?"

"Good enough for her. For anyone."

I held up a hand, because he looked like he wanted to interrupt. "I never planned on going out with her in the first place. She's all yours, kid."

For a second he couldn't speak, his eyes big and blue like a little those of a little puppy. I was finding it hard not to like him. When he finally said something, his face was flushed with an innocent happiness. "You… you mean it?"

I laughed. Was there such a thing as being _too _good? "Yeah."

"Um, thank you," Sora murmured, cheeks tinted red.

I was tempted to laugh again but decided against it. "See ya."

"Where you goin'?" Isa mimicked his friend's tone. The duo of whisperers had been watching the whole spectacle with great interest.

"Out," I replied. Without waiting for an answer, I waved a hand in goodbye before slipping out the cafeteria doors.

* * *

><p>I took a deep breath, the cool air filling my lungs like venom. Why did winter even have to come? Who gave a damn about Christmas or New Year's or whatever the hell else happened? I'd say just skip ahead from October to January and be done with it.<p>

I slipped my hands into my pockets. This wasn't the first time I'd escaped from the suffocating halls of school to the roof, but it _had_ been a while. And even though the cold was pissing me off, I'd missed this. I closed my eyes and leaned against the railing, feeling the bitter cold creep through my hair and into my face. For some reason, my nose was always the first part of my body to turn ice cold. I rubbed it irritably, trying to generate some kind of warmth. It was only until I heard the giggle did I was realize I wasn't alone.

I wheeled around, prepared to tell whoever had snuck up on me to fuck off, but I was caught by surprise. Instead of some low-life with ripped jeans and an attitude, I found myself staring at a short girl with equally short hair, wide-eyed, like she hadn't expected so much of a reaction.

"Who're you?" My voice shook uncharacteristically. This was the same girl from that night… wasn't it?

The girl shrugged.

She was wearing an oversized jacket. Its sleeves were so long you could only see the tips of her nimble fingers. I raised an eyebrow, waiting for a real answer, when I remembered.

A few weeks ago, the teacher had introduced a new girl into our English class. It was her first day, or her first class for that matter, so he did the usual take-the-student-in-front-of-the-room thing, which really made every person look like an idiot anyway. I'd been too busy digging for the stupid homework to notice, until there was a very long, suspicious period of silence. Curious, I looked up to see her standing in front of the whiteboard, hands folded in front of her. It was a strong pose for such a tiny girl. Mr. Hendrickson was casting her nervous glances, and I realized she must have been asked to introduce herself. Taking one more look around the classroom, the girl turned around, grabbed a marker, and took her time writing out a message to us on the board.

_Hi! Nice to meet you all. I'm…_

My voice was hardly even a whisper. "Xion."


	3. Chapter 3: Charade

**Hey guys! I know, I know, I haven't updated in what, a hundred years? And I apologize for that. School has been quite a handful, and a lot of other stuff happened. But guess what? **

**I continued writing the story! **

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.**

**Thanks to: My beta, Mystics Apprentice**

* * *

><p><em>Bête Noire<em>

_Chapter Three: Charade_

"Xion."

She gave a small nod, and I wondered what she would've done if I hadn't figured it out. I glanced around uncertainly for a second. What now? She was just standing there, looking at me like I was some weird animal she'd found on the street.

"Uh…" I sounded uneasy. Her metallic blue eyes were so fierce it was unnerving. "Are you here to, well…" I gestured towards the railing I was leaning on. Did she come here for the same reason I had?

Xion stared at me as if I'd just asked her to jump off the roof.

I bit back a retort at the frightened expression on her face. "Look…"

She shook her head vigorously.

"Um, no?" I guessed, feeling more and more like an idiot playing a game of charades. "I don't really—"

She didn't let me finish. Whirling around, she yanked open the door she'd come from and bounded down the stairs in a mad frenzy to get away. And I just stood there like a moron, staring at the at the spot where she'd been standing less than three seconds ago. If she really was the girl from that night—and I was pretty sure she was—then it was the second time she'd done this to me.

I sighed.

_This is what I get for not acting like a jackass straight off the bat._

I wasn't annoyed anymore. Just tired. And frustrated.

And annoyed.

"Weirdo," I muttered.

* * *

><p>Another English class.<p>

Another crazy dash into the labyrinth that was my backpack to locate my dreadful homework.

I sat up, smoothing out the crumpled paper to make it look presentable enough. It didn't work. Mr. Hendrickson gave me his famous _we'll-talk-after-class_ look before moving on to the next sorry kid. I sank into my desk, groaning. What more did they want from me? They were lucky I actually _did _the homework. Now they expected me to be a perfect little weirdo?

Too bad. It just wasn't gonna happen.

Speaking of perfect weirdos…

For the third time this week, I glanced at the raven-haired girl in the desk beside me. She was hunched over a notebook, scribbling furiously. Her pixie-like hair stood out from all the girls who hid behind those long strands. But ,at the same time, she was shut off from the rest of the world, alone with her desk and her chair and that frustratingly mysterious notebook. What was she _writing _in that anyway? It was all she did in this class. Her pencil moved over the pages like she was in a trance.

I shuddered.

It was so… _weird._

"Okay."

Mr. Hendrickson clapped his hands together, loudly, to get our attention.

_What are we, dogs?_

"We're doing a project today!"

_Oh. How nice._

Actually, I was fine with doing work in school. Might as well do _something _while I wasted my time here. I could be riding motorcycles. But _no, _I had to get an education and all that crap.

Still, it was alright as long as I was distracted. And as long as I didn't have to—

"Pair up!"

—work with anyone.

I groaned again, slumping forward onto my desk. I absolutely despised group projects. Nobody wanted to pair up with the lone guy who was always closer to punching someone than saying anything. Mr. Hendrickson wouldn't mind if I worked alone, I supposed. I reached into my backpack's unwelcoming abyss to pull out some kind of usable paper when I heard the scrape of a chair beside me.

I straightened up so fast I banged by knee against the bottom of my desk. Biting my lip to keep from yelling, I looked up. Xion had pulled up her chair beside me, notebook and pencil in hand. She was wearing the same expectant look as before, except this time there was something else hiding behind the expectancy.

Something like… hope.

Which really didn't make any sense, since she'd pretty much bolted that day on the roof.

I cleared my throat, rubbing my sore knee and trying not to grimace at the throbbing, or the idea of working with her.

"Do you want to… work together?"

Xion placed her notebook on my desk, and gave me a swift nod, her expression unreadable.

"I guess… you don't really know anyone else, do you?" I muttered, more to myself than to her.

She shrugged.

"Do you ever talk at all?" I asked, vexed. Xion just blinked at me as if she hadn't understood the question.

I shook my head in surrender before grabbing her notebook , dragging it across the desk towards me. She made obvious gestures of protest, but I pretended not to notice and flipped the book open to a random blank page. I scribbled the date on the top of the page and glanced up to see her pouting. Good.

"…pick a poem," Mr. Hendrickson was saying, "read, analyze, and you'll be presenting that analysis to the class towards the end of the year. Today is the only day you'll get time in class to work on the project…" … blah, blah, blah.

"So what poem?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

_Let's see her get her way out of this._

Xion skipped over to her desk—literally _skipped_—and then skipped right back with a book in her hands. I stared in bewilderment as she paused somewhere towards the end of the book and, tapping her finger on the page, handed it to me. I took one look at the title, gasped quietly, and read through the poem in a matter of seconds.

**Acquainted with the Night**

**Robert Frost**

**.**

I have been one acquainted with the night.

I have walked out in rain – and back in rain.

I have outwalked the furthest city light.

.

I have looked down the saddest city lane.

I have passed by the watchman on his beat

dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet

When far away an interrupted cry

Came over houses from another street,

.

But not to call me back or say good-bye;

And further still at an unearthly height,

A luminary clock against the sky

.

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.

I have been one acquainted with the night.

.

I was in a slight state of shock.

_This is one of the only poems I've ever read._

In fact, it was my favorite poem. I would never admit to anyone that I actually understood poetry, actually _enjoyed _reading it. But there was just something about the mysteries in poetry that drew my attention. Something I had learned about myself a long time ago was that I could never stand not knowing. Never.

Xion was shooting me a questioning look. I gulped, shaking my head. To think this was purely coincidental scared me for some reason. Out of all those poems, why choose this one? It didn't make sense.

"Not bad," I stated in a horrible attempt to cover my moment of vulnerability. "This one, then?"

She looked skeptical, but nodded.

I had no idea how she was planning to do this. Feeling like a total idiot, I cleared my throat and read the first lines. "_I have been one acquainted with the night. I have walked out in rain – and back in rain. I have outwalked the furthest city light._"

I didn't really have to look at the page because I knew the poem by heart, but I pretended to scan the words as I read.

"Uh…"

She nodded hurriedly, a gesture for me to go on.

This was going to be tricky. I was going to have to pretend like this was my first time reading the poem and not sound like an idiot at the same time.

"So…" I gave a reasonable pause. "Frost is saying that he's 'acquainted', or familiar with the night. But… not to the extent where he and the night are good friends. Or enemies. So like, in-between." I was aware that I was rambling, but that was okay. "And he also says that he's walked into rain. Which would symbolize… depression? Or…"

Xion interrupted, so to speak, by tapping on the paper hastily. I leaned forward to see what she was trying to say. She pointed at the word 'rain' in 'walked in rain' and then when it was repeated in 'back in rain'.

"Rain is repeating," I verified, and she nodded, a satisfied expression on her face.

"Which means…" I looked at her quizzically, "…that he's been thrown into undesirable situations multiple times?"

Xion nodded again before pointing at the next line.

"_I have outwalked the farthest city light,_"I murmured. I looked at her slyly. "What do you think?"

Xion shrugged, and I let out a small breath. It was obvious that it wouldn't be easy to get her to talk. But for some weird reason, I had a sudden desire to hear her voice. And suddenly I knew I would do whatever it took.

"_I have looked down the saddest city lane. I have passed by the watchman on his beat and dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain._"

I paused again, and this time when I looked up our eyes met. She leaned forward, sliding her finger over the word 'watchman'. She stared at the page for a moment before looking up a second time, her finger still on the word.

"Well…" I started innocently, "The watchman supposedly stands for something."

She nodded slowly. When I didn't elaborate, she lifted her finger to the ceiling.

_Okay, this is finally starting to get exciting._

If I could annoy her enough, she might be forced to speak.

I decided to play dumb. "The watchman symbolized the ceiling?"

She shook her head. Pointed again.

I was having a hard time trying not to laugh. "The lights?"

She shook her head.

"The sky? The clouds?"

Xion shook her head again. Her expression, besides the slight desperation, was disconcertingly blank. She pointed at the ceiling for a third time.

"Space?" I tried. A few of the kids around us had stopped talking and were snickering at our game of charades, egging me on with clapping and hooting. I glanced at the front of the room: Mr. Hendrickson was out for the moment.

Xion shook her head more vigorously this time. She stood up from her seat and tapped the word watchman again. Then she glanced around the room and pointed at a silver cross hanging around a girl's neck.

"Uh…" I cocked my head sideways. "Jesus?"

The class burst into laughter. I found myself grinning at Xion. But she did not look amused. In fact, she looked… angry.

And hurt.

My smile faltered slightly. But before I could say anything, Xion had bolted from the room.

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah, I know. Bad ending. But hey, the update will be faster this time (I hope) so you guys won't have to wait too long. See, I shouldn't have started so many stories all at the same time. I'm so regretting it now. But if you have free time on your hands, feel free to check out other stories by me. I always welcome critique. :)<strong>

**Onigiri-nii**** / Lady Ri of Cherith: "Is Vani homeless?"**

Ah no. If I'm not mistaken, I think I did mention, in Chapter one, that Vanitas thought he was in his bedroom. But I guess that could've meant anything. XD

So no, Vani is not homeless. Besides, I think you need to have a valid address to be able to go to school. But anyway, he does have a home :D. And the next chapter actually… well, you'll see. ;)

"**Is she mute?"**

For now, yes, she's mute. I thought it would be interesting to make her mute. It's harder to write though, since she has to pretty much play charades to get her point across. But like in this chapter, it's also very fun to write too, so it's okay.

**MexiMental: "Sucks that I was waiting for that the whole time and ends at that chapter, though ._."**

D: Sorry. I know I took a long time to update as well. Hope this chapter makes up for it! And I think you guys will really like Chapter Four…

**R o x a s L u v s C o o k i e s: "And is Vani homeless or something?"**

Lol! I love your username! But as I said, he isn't homeless. :)

**Wash in the WAVES: "I think the story has potential, and I'm interested."**

Awwwhhh, thank you! I hope the story lives up to your expectations!

**Thanks for bearing this all with me guys, and hugs to all those who are reading this. The fact that people are reading my writing makes me both happy and nervous at the same time. Anyway, till the next chapter!**


	4. Chapter 4: Lament

**Hello loyal readers! Nice to see you all again.**

**Yeah, yeah, I know it's still been a little too long of a wait. But hey, I hope it's worth it. I think this is my favorite chapter so far. Maybe because I just had so much fun writing it! ;)**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters. I do, however, own the plot to this story.**

**Note: Edited.**

**Thanks to: My beta, Mystics Apprentice**

* * *

><p><em>Bête Noire<em>

_Chapter Four: Lament_

I slipped my hands into my pockets, watching Terra disappeared from view, before starting towards home.

Home.

I called it that, but it wasn't really. Nor was it a penitentiary, a prison. It was… nothing. It meant nothing more than a place where I slept, where I collapsed onto a bed with worn out mattresses just so that I could forget the world for a day. But of course, it never really worked. I hadn't had a dreamless sleep in years. Not that I expected to, anyway.

_I have been one acquainted with the night._

It was the walking that I really detested.

A long time ago, I'd loved taking one step after another, letting the night's cool breeze settle on me like the forgotten, whispered secrets of an angel. But that time had long faded into the torn pages of my life, and I was amazed that I still remembered.

I sighed, just to break the soundless night.

The silence was suffocating.

And I hated it.

Because in silence, I could think. And I didn't want to think. I was the kind of person who welcomed distraction, who leapt into a fight for the sole reason of wanting to forget. But right now, I was alone.

And that was the worst possible situation I could be in, because you can never forget when you're alone.

It's times like these that I dreaded the most, times like these where I clung desperately to the things that weren't painful, to things that were never in danger of changing.

But you can only hold onto a thought for so long, and sooner or later there's nothing else to think about but the very thoughts you wanted to avoid.

Walking home alone with nothing to accompany me but the silence of the wind, I started remembering. I started remembering the screaming, the endless shouting that plagued my sleep day after day. I could see endless shades of orange, blinding my vision like they had done so long ago, and suddenly I wanted nothing more than for it to stop. I didn't care if I forgot everything as long as I didn't have to see my mother's crying face ever again.

A small sound, something like a cross between a cough and a whimper, stopped me in my tracks. I froze, straining to hear something, anything, but whoever had made the noise seemed to have figured out that they weren't alone.

Raising an eyebrow, I surveyed the area. Houses lined either side of the streets. From what I could see, the person could be hiding anywhere, but the sound had been closer to me than any of the houses.

_I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet_

_When far away an interrupted cry…_

I found her huddled behind the mailbox. Her nose was a deep shade of red, a striking contrast against her pale skin. She was shaking in the cold, and her cheeks were wet with obvious tears. For a second, events of that morning flashed through my head; the ridiculous game of charades that eventually led to Xion bolting out of the room. I didn't see her all day after that. But I couldn't hang onto the memory for long, because there was something far more unsettling than a meaningless game of charades.

It was Xion.

I'll never forget the expression on her face, because I couldn't tell what it was. A cross between confusion and fear and sadness and something else, something darker than I ever could have imagined, lingered in her eyes. It was a look I'd never seen anywhere.

An expression with no name.

We stared at each other for what seemed like hours, and I often wonder what kind of expression I was wearing. Strangely, I wasn't surprised. Maybe I wasn't wearing any kind of expression at all besides my usual, bored look, and if so, I don't think I'll ever forgive myself.

I guess I was waiting for her to speak, despite the fact that I knew she wouldn't. No matter what happened. I'd learned that there was nothing wrong with her physically, but I knew that there _was _something wrong emotionally, something hidden away from the eyes of countless doctors and teachers and kids. Was I the only one who could see it?

Finally, I held my hand out to her.

After another long moment, she stood up without my help, wiping away her tears with the back of her long sleeve. Dropping my hand, I scanned the area around us, suddenly coming to terms with the strangeness of the situation.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, a little more sharply than I had intended.

Xion flinched visibly before shaking her head.

"What? You don't want to tell me?"

She shook her head again.

I shrugged and stared down the street that would eventually lead to "home".

I wasn't looking at her, and I had convinced myself it was because I didn't really care. But the truth was… I was afraid. I was afraid of seeing the same expression there, the raw emotions displayed for the whole world to see but no one to realize.

"Where do you live?" I asked her. Of course, there was no reply. When I finally got myself to look at her, she was staring at her feet silently.

I sighed.

"C'mon."

I stuffed my hands into my pockets and set off again, not bothering to check if she was following. If she didn't want to come with me, I didn't really care. I'd convinced myself that the expression I'd seen had been a figment of my imagination, and that it would be better not to dwell on unusual delusions. But I couldn't resist checking, at least once, as I turned the corner into my street.

I was surprised to see she was following me, even though it was from a distance. I couldn't see her expression from the corner of my eyes, but I found myself hoping that it wasn't the one she'd been wearing before. I was such a coward, hiding from the painful truth of pain itself. Maybe in the midst of my suffering, I'd forgotten that I wasn't the only one.

Running a hand through my hair, I paused at the worn out door of my house. I watched her turn the corner of the street, her head down, her hands held firmly at her sides. The moonlight almost shone on her like a spotlight, the blue glow illuminating her figure in a way that reminded me of a lost spirit.

I shuddered.

The door needed a few yanks before I finally pried it open and gestured for her to go in. She wavered again, staring through the doorway into the darkness as if she could see monsters there.

"Look," I said, exasperated, "you could either go in, or stay out here and freeze to death. Your call."

Maybe I was being too harsh. But at that point, I didn't care anymore. Not that I had harbored any concern in the first place.

But Xion didn't even look at me. She stared into the darkness for a second longer before stepping inside. I followed her in before shutting the door behind me—which was a mistake, because without the light of the moon and the stars we were surrounded by total black.

"Ah, sorry," I muttered, carefully making my way around her to the kitchen. The light bulb took a few seconds to flicker before setting into a dim glow.

I blinked, trying to adjust to the sudden brightness.

_The hell…_

For the first time in years, I noticed the kitchen countertop, covered in a grey layer of dust, the wrecked chair dumped in the corner of the room, the broken shards of glass in the sink. The trash can was brimming with empty juice cartons and plastic bottles, and I could see cobwebs stretching on the ceiling above me. I was looking at my house through the eyes of a stranger.

I turned around. Xion was still standing by the doorway.

"You thirsty?"

I opened the fridge. Nothing but a few cans of coke and a milk carton from who-knows-when. I took the cans, holding one out to her.

She just stared at it.

I sighed again. She was starting to annoy me, and I wondered why I had brought her here in the first place.

"Catch."

I threw the can at her, on an impulse. For a moment I was sure she wouldn't take it, but at the last second she reached out and snatched it out of the air.

Leaning against the table, I cracked open the can and took a swig of coke.

The silence that hung in the air was unnatural, even though it was always this way. I never looked away from Xion's face, trying in to understand her. But she continued to stare at the ground, her small fingers closed around the can, and I wondered what was there that was so interesting.

Standing there near the doorway, clutching the can in both her hands, she looked meek, powerless. It was amazing, really, how small she was. She must have been at least a head shorter than me, if not more.

"You gonna drink that?" I asked, motioning at the unopened can. Xion didn't reply.

"Do you want to drink from a glass?

Not waiting for an answer, I was already shifting through the cupboards, through glassware that I never knew I had.

I settled for a small glass in the back corner hidden away from the rest which, strangely, reminded me of Xion, and after gently coaxing the can from her grip, I poured some of the coke into the glass.

"Drink up," I told her, pressing the glass into her hands. She might've been shaking her head, but I ignored her, leaving my half-empty can on the table before walking through the lounge to my bedroom door. There was only one bed in my room, and it was made for only one person. I groaned softly, scanning the room. Standing in the doorway, I could tell there was nowhere else to sleep in such a small place. Why had I ever chosen this closet-sized-place as my room anyway? Had I gone insane?

The opposite room was completely bare. The king-sized bed that had been there once was lying in a crumpled heap somewhere in the woods. I walked back into the kitchen to see Xion standing in the same exact spot, still clutching the glass. The coke remained untouched inside.

"Alright," I said, more than tired now, "I'll be sleeping on the couch in the living room"—I jerked my thumb behind me—"and you'll be taking that room over there."

I left out the fact that she would be sleeping in _my _room, on _my _bed, or that the couch made my back ache like hell. I just plastered an indifferent look on my face as I spoke.

I didn't expect her to reply, and she didn't answer. I'd done my part, so I didn't really care if she stayed up all night or whatever. But I admit, I would've been pissed if she didn't sleep at all and I went through all the torture for nothing.

"See you in the morning," I called out, but I might as well have been talking to thin air, because she didn't respond. When I looked, she was still standing beside the doorway, holding the glass of coke, her eyes downcast. I rolled my eyes and turned over on the couch, trying to get into a more comfortable position.

I could still see her out of the corner of my eyes, and I suddenly found myself wondering if she would stand there forever, until I finally drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p>I woke up again a few hours later, covered in sweat. I'd been having one of those nightmares again, the ones that had haunted me ever since I'd lost everything. I'd seen my house, engulfed in flames, burning to the ground. My father yelling. My mother sobbing. And screaming, endless screaming. Screams that belonged to someone that I could never find, someone whose face I could never see.<p>

I sighed and sat up, noticing it was dark, which meant someone had turned off the kitchen light. Instinctively looking towards the doorway, I felt almost relieved that Xion was no longer standing by the there. I ran a hand through my hair, matted with perspiration, and letting out an annoyed groan, I made my way to the bathroom.

The door to my bedroom was slightly ajar. Trying not to make any noise, I pushed it open and peeked through. Xion's small form was visible under the blankets, her outline rising and falling with the rhythm of her breath. Smiling to myself idiotically for some reason, I left the door that way and entered the bathroom.

The reflection in the mirror was a mess. He had dark shadows under his eyes, his hair sticking to his face, which was unusually pale. But most disturbing were his eyes. They were a strange gold color, tinted with the shade of the sun's brightness. But unlike the comforting rays of the huge star, they were horrifying.

I looked away from the boy in the mirror, at the monstrosity that had been brought into the world for no reason. It was just another reminder that he had no purpose, that he was but an empty shell that caused only fear and chaos, and insurmountable pain.

Having washed my face with cold water, I was making my way back to the couch when I heard humming. I paused at the door to my bedroom, straining to listen. Her voice was soft, so soft that I might have imagined it. But it was definitely there. She was humming something, something that sounded like a lullaby of some sort. I blinked, as if not believing it.

Something was wrong.

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts, before I set off to the couch again. It squeaked under my weight, and a strange hush filled the air. I realized that Xion had stopped singing. Or humming, to be more precise.

I tried to fall asleep again, but to no avail. My thoughts kept going back to Xion's lament. The humming that had stirred something inside of me, a strange feeling that something had definitely been wrong. But I couldn't put my finger on it. I was beginning to grow frustrated, and I tugged at my hair with impatience. I tried and failed to find an answer before suddenly forming the resolve that I would ask her about it in the morning.

But I never got the chance, because when I woke up the next day, she was nowhere to be seen.

And for a long time, that was the last I ever saw of Xion.

* * *

><p>…<p>

**Yay! Sorry it was so short, but quality over quantity, right? And I think there's a lot of meaning in this chapter. And if you look close enough, a lot of clues for the future as well ;)**

**Here's one thing: For all those who want me to jump right into romance shan't read any further. I don't want it to be quick and unrealistic, so I am going to take my time with this. Just a warning, I guess. But I promise, when the romance does come, I will do my best to make it exhilarating :P**

**St. Iggy the Pyro: "In fact, the only qualm I have with this story is Sora's eye color."**

Let me start with a gasp. That's pretty much how I reacted when I read your review. Honestly, I can't believe I did that. Sora's blue eyes…. It's one of his most prominent features, especially because of the feelings he carries in them. I actually had to go back to Chapter two and reread it to believe I'd actually done that. I couldn't believe it, y'know? Especially not when I love Sora so much. I don't know what happened. Maybe I was too focused on Vanitas, and having described Terra's eyes frequently, I accidently did the same with Sora? But really, I have no excuses. What I did was unforgivable. *hangs head*

Unforgivable mistakes aside, thank you so much for the review and comments. Calling me brilliant was a bit over the top, but you did make me turn red….

**The Dismotivator: "You are now my new sensei."**

:O I will try my best to be the greatest sensei you have ever encountered. Thank you so much for all the compliments and everything! I'm glad you caught the references, by the way! They're only in the story for fun, but I like to know that people understand I'm not pulling stuff out of thin air. XD

Oh, also, just to clear things up, I'm a girl :)

**Witch of Tragedies: "For some reason, Death Note should be referenced there."**

You know what? I might just do that. Keep an eye out for it!

**Again, thank you all for the lovely reviews, compliments, and whatnot. Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, 'cause I sure did! :D Until next time! *Bows***


	5. Chapter 5: Insight

**Sorry for the late update, guys. But don't fear, I've been working hard and I will continue updating, hopefully, until the end.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any part of Kingdom Hearts. I do, however, own the plot of the story, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I get inspiration from a lot of places. :)**

**Also, a big thank-you to my beta, Mystics Apprentice, for making this story so much easier to manage and for the unrelenting help I've been given! **

**And so this chapter is for Mystics Apprentice.**

* * *

><p><em>Bête Noire<em>

_Chapter Five: Insight_

"You took her to _your_ house?"

I raised an eyebrow at Terra's disapproving look.

We were walking aimlessly down the street. We'd intended to head towards Terra's house, but we'd strayed from that route somewhere around the time I mentioned Xion.

I'm such an idiot.

"What else was I supposed to do?" I asked, annoyed.

"I don't know, _take her home?_"

"It wasn't as if she was ever going to speak, you know," I argued, "up until I fell asleep all she did was stand by the doorway and stare at her feet!"

Terra looked away, apparently deep in thought. This was so fucking unfair. It was Saturday. We could be doing _anything, _and here we were, worrying over some girl who had disappeared overnight.

"What was she doing?" Terra asked finally. His tone had changed so unexpectedly that for a second I couldn't reply.

"What was she doing," he repeated softly, "when you found her?"

I felt uncomfortable, suddenly, unable to look Terra in the eye.

"She was…she was crying." I told him. I could still see her huddled behind the mailbox, remembering her swollen eyes and tear-stained cheeks. And all at once I was feeling guilty for not having recalled that she had been crying. Who knew how long she'd been there until I'd found her?

Terra's response was a lingering silence that was worse than a verbal answer.

I was drenched in his silence as I stared down at the cracks on the sidewalk, the endless tiny crevices spreading into more branches, infecting the sickly yellow pavement and stretching into infinity.

"Why do you think she was crying?" Terra asked me after an eternity.

I stopped walking.

"Vanitas?"

I didn't have to look up to know what kind of expression Terra was wearing. Anxious. Concerned.

"I don't know," I answered, finally looking up to meet his troubled blue eyes. "I don't know why she was crying."

Terra was staring cautiously at my face.

I stared back. "What?"

He paused, hesitating. "You're not gonna sit around, are you?"

I didn't have to answer. It's amazing how well you can get to know a person in just a few years. I'd been friends with Terra since the day I'd dumped my grape juice on him—I _hated _that stuff—in middle school. Ever since then we'd grown to know each other so well we never really had to say much to understand what the other was thinking.

Terra pressed two fingers against his forehead and closed his eyes, as if I was giving him a headache. Probably was.

A few seconds later he opened them again, addressing me resignedly.

"So what are you gonna do?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. He already knew what I was going to do. I suppose he hoped he was wrong.

_Too bad for him._

"I'm gonna find out."

* * *

><p>I stared at the motorbikes again on my way into the school. It was a miracle: I was actually early. Maybe it had something to do with the urge to question a certain little raven-head, or just the relentless barking of the neighbor's new dog (<em>What does it have against me anyway?<em>). Either way, I was early, and the strange fact was not missed.

Kids gawked as me as I passed them, some even going so far as to point at me and whisper from behind their hands.

_They don't let up, do they?_

I didn't realize where my feet were taking me until I was standing outside the desolate place, barren land that I had never once set foot in.

The library.

Quite a few people shot me curious glanced as I made my way to the nearest computer. Some seemed to have lost the ability to breathe.

Stuff like that tends to happen when God himself graces the land of his beings.

I didn't look anywhere but straight ahead. Just because I didn't comment on the pathetic kids edging away from the computer didn't mean I couldn't see them.

I slipped off my backpack, dumping it beside me before falling into the seat. Our school was one of those cheap ones that didn't give a damn about its students. Most of the computers were so old and shitty they took hours just to start up.

"Vanitas?"

I looked away from the monitor into Terra's ridiculously wide-eyed expression.

"Yeah?"

Terra's mouth was moving, but no words were coming out. The look on his face made me want to laugh out loud, but the situation was just so bizarre that I couldn't.

"You're…you're…" He was struggling to find the right words.

_I'm pretty sure they don't exist yet._

"What are you doing?" he finally stammered.

I shrugged before turning back to the screen. "I don't know, researching, I guess."

"Researching _what_?"

The start-up screen had appeared. I clicked open an internet browser, typed a few words. I had a laptop at home, so my typing speed wasn't too rusty.

Terra was reading over my shoulder.

"Muteness in teenagers," he read.

He seemed to have overcome his panic attack, which was a relief, because dealing with a speechless Terra was very unnerving. I chose a random link and Terra and I leaned forward simultaneously.

"It's an article," I said, even though there really was no reason to point it out, "about something called… _Selective Mutism…._" I trailed off, reading intently, aware that Terra was reading along with me.

"Is it about Xion?" he murmured softly. The answer was so obvious that I didn't bother answering.

Instead, I wondered why the hell I was doing this anyway. But I already knew the answer. I don't know why, but I've always been like this; dangerously curious. If I'm presented with a question with no answer, it suddenly becomes my sole purpose to find it. It doesn't matter how long it takes, or how hard it is to find. It doesn't matter how deep I have to dig and how much pain I have to withstand—yes, it's that serious—I'm not stopping until I fulfill my purpose.

Why is that? I've asked myself so many times, but that's just one question I'll probably never be able to answer. But maybe it's just the only reason I have now. The only reason I have to keep going.

Something I've learned over the years is that you've got to find something to life for. Otherwise, you're better off dead.

"Look at this." I pointed at the screen, ignoring Terra's muttered side comments about the absurdity of the situation. "It says: _Selective Mutism is more common in students in elementary schools, around the ages of five to eight. Although it has been found in middle school, it is not very common in high school students and so forth. If such an issue is met, it is usually due to neglect in early years of that child's life._"

I paused, staring at the screen.

"Do you…do you think Xion was always like this? Selectively mute?"

Terra shrugged. "I…I don't know."

It was the first time I'd heard Terra say something like that. I craned my head to look at him incredulously. He looked troubled. I turned back to the screen before shaking my head and leaning back in my chair. "I don't think so."

"Why not?" Terra asked, peering at the screen from over my shoulder, probably rereading the article.

I didn't answer, because, honestly, I really wasn't sure whyI thought she hadn't always been that way. There was just…this empty feeling that seemed to emanate from Xion. A hollowness that reminded me of something lost, something close to desperation.

"Keep reading," Terra told me, abruptly. His tone had hardened suddenly, having grown colder in an instant.

I leaned forward, curiosity overtaking my thoughts. "_Selective Mutism is a form of social anxiety_…"

"Further down."

He pointed.

My eyes flew over the words, registering jagged bits and pieces that didn't appear to make any sense until I reached the line Terra was referring to. I had to clear my throat a couple of times before I could manage to read the line. "_It has also been theorized, although very rarely, that selective Mutism becomes an issue with older children after…after severe emotional distress or trauma experienced by that child in…the past_."

I stopped reading.

"Trauma," I murmured again. For a while I couldn't say anything else. I was reading the sentences that followed, but I wasn't really seeing the words.

At some point Terra must have switched off the computer, because when I came to I was staring at a blank screen.

I looked at Terra.

"Vanitas…"

"Trauma," I repeated. For some reason my voices sounded…broken.

"You don't think…" Terra's voice was miles away.

Dazed, I shook my head. "What… what else could it be?"

Terra was struggling for words. "Look, we shouldn't go jumping to conclusions—"

I stood up. "I have to go."

"Wait," Terra stepped forward to stop me, but I'd already grabbed my bag and started to turn away.

"Wait, Va—"

I sprinted out of the library. When I think about it now, I really have no idea what had gotten into me then. Not that it was the first time I'd gone insane. I'd done it so many times before that I was practically famous, but it had never been over something like this.

I slid to a halt in front of English class, breathing heavily, the palms of my hands pressed against the side wall for support.

"Xi…on…"

The bell hadn't rung yet. A few people gave me cursory glances, and Mr. Hendrickson raised an eyebrow at me, pausing over his notes.

No Xion.

"Never…mind…" I muttered, leaning against the doorframe. I shook my head and walked into the classroom, discarding my damned backpack beside my desk before practically falling into my seat.

Terra came rushing into the room moments later. Maybe everyone had grown used to me and my endless games, because this time no one paid any attention. Terra cast one glance around the room and strode over to me. He was red in the face, still panting slightly from his long run through the hallways. Terra isn't used to running. Of course, I've had plenty of training, having spent long years running from teachers and avid zombies that try to reassure me that they're "here to help."

"She's not here," I said flatly, before he could open his mouth.

For a while neither of us said a word. Then—

"What's this?"

Terra was staring at my sorry excuse of notes from last class.

"_Acquainted with the night,_" he read out loud. His eyes met mine. "You picked the poem?"

I shook my head. "She did."

His eyes widened momentarily, light as ever. "Wow."

"Yeah." I stared down at my spidery handwriting, at the jumble of words that I'd jotted down halfway through our game of charades, before it had gotten fun. I suddenly wondered if that was why Xion was absent. Maybe it had nothing to do with Friday night at all.

The bell rang.

"I…I need to go…" Terra spoke awkwardly, his voice out of place. I nodded, but didn't look up again.

I played around with the words 'severe emotional trauma' in my head. What did it mean? And why did it come as so much of a surprise, anyway? Had I really thought she'd been mute for no real reason, that she would cry to herself behind a mailbox in the middle of the night over a broken fingernail? No, there was definitely a story behind the pain in her eyes, something that I was suddenly interested in knowing.

Someone who doesn't know me would never know me would never understand why I wanted to know so badly. I needed answers. I just couldn't _stand_ not knowing.

My eyes flickered to the empty desk beside me. Mr. Hendrickson was saying something, but I wasn't listening. I was practically glaring at the empty desk as if Xion would just pop out of the air and take her seat.

_Where is she?_

I was being such an idiot. What had gotten into me?

"Vanitas."

Was it because I found her so weird? Did I suddenly become interested just because she was so different?

"_Vanitas._"

I felt like I was in denial. Maybe I was.

_Ugh, I'm getting a headache._

I closed my eyes, rubbing the side of my head.

"Mr. Hunter!"

My eyes flew open.

"Huh?"

Mr. Hendrickson was glaring at me from the front of the classroom. He sighed, shaking his head, and a few kids snickered.

"What did I just ask you?"

"Uh…" I cocked my head. "I don't know."

More snickering.

Mr. Hendrickson looked fed up. "What is the dominant aspect of poetry that provides double meaning?"

I shrugged. "Sex?"

The class burst into a chorus of laughter. Mr. I-can't-handle-sex-jokes had turned completely red. I grinned at him, but only half-heartedly.

"Mr. Hunter." He spoke evenly (Or tried to, anyway). He held up a small strip of paper.

Sighing, I took the slip and left, walking down the empty hallway in silence as I made my way to detention.

The sound of crying reached my ears, and my thoughts instantly jumped to Xion. Gazing into the hallway in front of me, I realized that the voice, in fact, did not belong to Xion, but the redheaded girl from before.

_I have outwalked the saddest city lane._

She was hugging herself, and at the sound of my footsteps she looked up. The hope in her expression drained away quickly, replaced by an eerie sadness that sent a pang of needless guilt through my chest.

"You break up with your boyfriend or something?" I winced at my own words, tried again, "Kairi, was it?"

She nodded, sniffing loudly as she wiped her tears away with the palms of her hands.

_Xion used her sleeves._

I looked around fleetingly. It was only us in the otherwise deserted hallway, detention being the last door on the right, out of our vision. Chances of getting caught were pretty slim, and I marveled once again at the stupidity of school systems. They never learned.

"Why are you crying?"

Kairi shook her head. "N…nothing, it's just…Sora…"

For the first time I noticed where we were standing. The word 'infirmary' was printed on the door behind Kairi in large silver letters, as if it were the door to a throne room rather than a place of sickness and pain. Oddly, I hadn't recognized it. After all, I should've known, considering I'd been here just a few nights ago.

"Sora?" I repeated. The image of a boy with intense blue eyes swam into view. "Oh! The kid that"—I stopped, staring at her questioningly— "what happened to him? He in there?" I tilted my head towards the door.

But Kairi was crying again. She nodded, burying her face in her hands, her shoulder shaking with the force of her sobs.

Apparently I had been wrong regarding my first impression of the redheaded girl; it appeared she didn't care what she looked like to others. I was beginning to understand why that kid seemed to like her so much.

I found myself studying her. I'd read somewhere—yes, I read, on occasion—that there was strength in tears. I'd always considered stuff like that bullshit. Someone who cried wasn't strong enough to hold their fucking tears back. But I'd been wrong. Seeing Kairi—the girl who'd often been described as strong and bold—let herself go was something else. There _was _strength in showing your tears. It was just… a different kind of strength.

But that didn't mean her endless crying wasn't beginning to annoy me. "Is he alright?"

She didn't respond, overwhelmed with tears.

"Just the fuck up, will you?" I snapped. She gasped, stopping suddenly, purple-blue eyes widening. I looked down the hallway again, around the corner where detention lurked.

"What the hell," I muttered to myself, pushing back the sleeves of my shirt, "I already have detention."

I approached the infirmary door in two quick strides, but not before Kairi was sent tumbling backwards and onto the floor. For some weird reason she'd blocked my path, trying to stop me from going in.

Anger flared up inside me. "What are you doing?"

Kairi looked up at me, fresh tears running down her cheeks. "I don't…" Her voice cracked slightly, "I don't want you to…to…"

"To _what_?" I demanded, nearly exploding at her, "what the _hell _would I do to that wimp of a kid?"

Kairi flinched visibly, biting her lip, lacing her hands together in front of her. "N…nothing," she amended shakily, getting to her feet. She avoided me eyes, and I didn't blame her for it. I kept my mouth shut before I went off at her again, before I made her fear me even more than she did now— and it was obvious she was terrified.

"What happened," I asked again, fighting to keep my voice steady. When Kairi didn't answer, I stepped forward so we were inches apart. I could easily grab her and throw her across the floor in two seconds if I wanted to. Not that I was thinking about it or anything.

"_What happened?" _I hissed menacingly. From the way she held herself, it was clear that Kairi knew I didn't need an answer; that I could easily push past her to the door. I hoped she knew, for her sake, that I wasn't going to hold back just because she was girl.

Finally, Kairi looked up, her expression contemplating. I took a step backwards but never looked away from her face, waiting for her to respond. I was losing my patience, fast.

Kairi mumbled something.

"Huh?"

She mumbled again, under her breath, afraid to speak louder, playing with her fingers nervously.

"Look," I said heatedly, "you can tell me now or get the hell out of my way."

She cringed again, but this time when she spoke her voice was clear. Shaken, but coherent—and it made my blood boil.

"Seifer."

* * *

><p><strong>So yeah. This chapter was actually longer but it appeared to be getting <strong>_**too **_**long, so I had to cut it off here. That's a good thing though; it means the next update will be faster!**

**Again, sorry for being so late guys. Don't lose faith in me! I absolutely adore your reviews and comments and a big I-love-you to those who read but are too lazy to review or just don't want to, because I really don't care as long as I'm having fun with this. The fact that other people are having fun too is a bonus. Also, if you're a big Naruto or Bleach fan, check out my friend Hectopascal, who has recently dedicated two stories to me on the occasion that it was my birthday! Yep, guys, I'm 16! I feel old. **

**Now onto review responses :D**

**The Dismotivator: "I especially like Vani's thoughts, since they allow the readers to get really, really attached to these characters."**

Vanitas is… tricky. I'll say that much. I think something I face every day as a writer is putting too much of myself into my characters. Sometimes I'll pause in the midst of writing the next chapter and go, "Hmm, maybe he's being too nice," so I try to throw in something mean and cruel just to balance things out. The fact that you're bringing that up is a great compliment, and I'll continue trying my best to get his character down. And I'm glad you're getting something out of this! I promise I'll read your story once you begin to write it (or have you started already?) because your tone in just reviews sounds amazing!

**St. Iggy the Pyro: "What I don't get is why you didn't just tell me they were contacts!"**

Firstly, I feel so flattered that you feel like my story is something worth reading at 2 AM in the morning. It makes me want to squeal and dance around my room, but there isn't much room in there and I'd just end up banging into walls. Seriously, the joy I seem to be giving all of you is something that fills me up with endless happiness. Even if, one day, I don't achieve my goal of becoming a writer, I will never let go of FanFiction. As for the eye color thing, I could've, but something like that would make no sense to the plot of the story and you know, Sora just isn't Sora without his blue eyes.

**RikuSora: "I like how there is instantly no romance like in other works, just intrigue…"**

When I was writing this, it actually occurred to me that maybe people would find it too slow. But you know, it just felt right to draw it out, at least a little, to give the story realism that not many FanFictions have. I was aiming for curiousity because, after all, people seem to forget that Vanitas was the dark side of Ven, and one of Ventus' most outstanding characteristics is his curiosity. It's just a bit… darker, with Vanitas.

**RoxasLuvsCookies (for some reason FanFiction isn't letting me type your username properly?): "We continued reading this during lunch, she's like, "Make out! Make out! Make out!"**

Lol, this made me laugh. I think it's true that Vanitas is the kind of guy that would probably go there as fast as he could if he got the chance. And I have to say, I was very, very tempted to put something like that in there. But alas, it wouldn't work, so I had to make do with some humming and mystery instead. If nothing, I wanted it to come across everyone that Vanitas felt different around Xion. I don't think she appeals to him that way. Not yet, anyway.

"**What Vanitas did was kind of him, although I sometimes think of him doing this in-game, and it's hard to imagine."**

I'm glad you brought this up, because it's something I want to make clear. The Vanitas in Birth By Sleep—If you've read Vanitas Backstory you have more of an idea—suffered a lot. And by a lot, I mean _a lot. _Although the Vanitas here has also suffered much, it's not quite as much as he suffered under the hands of Xehanort. That was one of the tricker parts of having Vanitas as the main character: he's a villain. But he's a villain with a story, and I intend to make that clear. Something else I'd like to put out there—and I mentioned this before—is that don't forget Vanitas is the dark side of Ventus. And if you really think about it, how dark could that really be? If it weren't for his suffering and his past, he would be very similar to Ven.

But I do admit, I do sometimes slip-up and make Vanitas nicer than he should be. But I can still defend myself by saying that Vanitas felt obligated to take Xion home especially because of prior events, the fact that no one else could do it, and something else that will be revealed later in the story. Remember, there is a method to this madness. Oh, also, you're not crazy at all. I find you very similar to myself, and a hundred times more adorable. I could hug you right now. :D

Also, did you realize you ended your review with "please review!" rather than "please update?" xD

**One more thing I should add is that I've been saying Terra's eyes are brown when they are actually blue. Oh, this game and it's obsession with blue eyes… I'm going to have to go back and edit all my chapters to fix that. Anyhow, bear with me because I'm just too lazy to that to right now, and I wanted to get this chapter out to you guys as soon as I could.**

**Okay, I think I've done enough ranting now to last me a lifetime. These review responses take longer than one would think, but I love hearing what you guys have and responding to you all. It creates a bond, a connection, you know? Anyway, I'll work hard on the next chapter and will update as soon as I can. Oh! And I got a tumblr. If you have one, find me, I have the same username. If enough of my reviewers follow me (and that could even be just one) I'll probably end up releasing teasers and things like that, and keeping everyone updated on how a chapter is coming along.**

**Until next time!**

**~Destiny Crusader.**


	6. Chapter 6: Hiatus

**Thanks to: My Beta, Mystics Apprentice.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, or anything associated with them. The plot of this story, however, belongs to me ;)**

**WARNING: Questionable language used. Be warned: Vanitas is telling this story.**

* * *

><p><em>Bête Noire<em>

_Chapter Six: Hiatus_

I clenched my hands into fists. My nails dug into the palms of my hands, drawing blood that I wiped away on my pants in irritation. I stared past the girl who stood in front of me at the closed door of the infirmary. The kid was in there. The boy with the intense blue eyes that had somehow appeared gentle. The boy that didn't care if I dated Kairi as long as I was good enough for her.

My eyes darted to Kairi's face and back to the door.

"I'm going in," I announced.

She made to stop me again, but I was too fast for her, reaching the door before she could block my path. When she opened her mouth to protest, I threw her a grin and she faltered, cheeks reddening momentarily. Before she could recover, I'd already slipped into the room, locking the door behind me.

Sora was in a worse state than I'd imagined. He was lying in the same bed Terra had been sitting on less than a week ago. His eyes were closed, the white sheets pulled up to his chin. Even in sleep—at least, I _hoped _he was sleeping—he looked tense.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. I'd been in denial. There was no way Seifer was going to back down. I should've known that. Even if all that crap about him "suffering" was true, beating up someone as helpless as this kid was crossing the line. A bandage was wrapped around the boy's forehead, covering half his face and a swollen black eye. His arms were covered with bandages, but I could still see purple bruises scattered all over them. His shirt lay folded at the foot of his bed, and I wondered just how much damage Seifer had done to leave him in such a state. I never would have guessed he as conscious had it not been for his loud breathing.

I'd been leaning over him, scrutinizing his expression, when his eyes snapped open.

"Whoa!"

He would've fallen out of bed if I hadn't grabbed ahold of his arm, and even then he let out a yelp, clutching it to his bandaged chest as soon as I let go. He seemed to be holding back tears.

_Great, another crybaby. _

But I supposed I had to get used to the fact that not everyone was used to getting beat up.

"Seifer did this?" I asked, surveying his injuries.

Sora's eyes widened and he winced visibly as he lay back in bed. "How...how did you know?"

I jerked my thumb towards the door. "Kairi told me."

Sora's mouth fell open. "Kairi's outside?"

In the next second, the blanket was lying at my feet and Sora was bent over, clutching his stomach. He seemed to be in severe pain after having tried to get out of bed. Yet his eyes never left the door.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I said, a little too late, "you can talk to her later. She's…" I paused. "Well, OK, maybe she's not alright, but _wait_," I added quickly as he made for the door again, one hand pressed against his torso, "You gotta talk to me first."

Sora barely spared me a glance. Still gripping his stomach—Seifer had punched him there, I guessed—he stared at the door for a second longer before his blue eyes found mine.

"What...is it?"

I didn't waste my breath.

"What the _hell _happened to you?"

Sora didn't answer.

"Kid, I don't have all fucking day."

"It…I…" he hesitated. "I started it."

"_Huh?"_

There was no way he was doing this. There was no _fucking way _he was _defending _Seifer.

"He was…saying bad stuff about you," Sora murmured, obviously trying to revise his statement.

I was ready to drop dead.

"You _fucking _idiot! What the hell were you doing, standing up for _me_?"

He looked devastated by my anger. "I was just…"

"You were just nothing," I broke in, "You're a fucking moron!"

Sora looked down at his hands, interlacing his fingers in a nervous daze. He was like a little boy who needed comforting.

I sighed again, more in annoyance this time than anger. "Why?"

He looked up in surprise. "Why...what?"

"Why did you do it?" I demanded.

He bit his lip. "Because."

_Stubborn idiot._

"Because _what_?"

"Because you're not as bad as you seem!" Sora blurted out.

I laughed humorlessly. "Yeah right."

He shook his head and stared fiercely into my face with renewed vigor. "I'm not kidding!" he insisted, "You don't...you don't give yourself enough credit! You deserve so much more than—"

"I don't deserve anything." I was aware that my voice had turned ten times colder, but it didn't matter. Sora had stopped short, and his deep blue eyes were almost glued to my face as if he was waiting for me to transform into some sort of beast (which was closer to the truth than he realized). I whirled around, banging through the door and shooting Kairi a look on my way out. I was gone before either of them could say anything, sprinting past detention and up the stairs that led to the roof.

By the time I reached the top I was breathless, my hair matted with sweat, my throat dry. I pushed open the door only to have a blast of cold air hit me full in the face.

I staggered outside like a drunk, almost slamming against the banisters, my hands already beginning to grow numb as my fingers closed around the bars that had become my prison.

I fell forward, breathing heavily. I pressed my forehead against the cold metal and closed my eyes. My throat felt like it was on fire, my hands encased in ice.

_I don't deserve anything._

* * *

><p>"Vanitas?"<p>

Alida, the college volunteer that worked behind the administration desk, shot me a concerned stare as I entered. If I _felt _like a mess, I probably looked like one, too.

"I need to ask you something," I responded. Alida wrung her hands out in front of her anxiously before shuffling through several folders, blatantly ignoring my kindly worded request.

_This is a pain in the ass._

"Please?"

She sighed, glaring at me through locks of weirdly-styled blond hair. "Mr. Hunter, you can't just come waltzing in here every other day and expect me to give you all the answers."

"I've done it enough times already," I pointed out.

Alida stood up impatiently and walked over to a file cabinet, her back to me.

"Oh c'mon," I protested, walking up behind her, "I need your help, Alida."

She tensed. "N…no."

I leaned in so that my lips brushed the side of her cheek. "It'll only take a second," I whispered into her ear.

She shivered. "I…I can't…"

"You won't get caught," I assured her, "Just tell me where to find Seifer Almasy."

I stepped back and she appeared to hesitate for only a second longer before returning to her desk. Her cheeks had flushed a deep red color, but she was clearly trying to hide the obvious fact. With shaking fingers, she hit several keys on her computer. "Room 1204," she said softly, avoiding my eyes.

I retained the laughter that was fighting to come out. "Thanks, Alida," I murmured with a sly smile before backtracking out of the room.

I checked my watch; two minutes and thirty-seven seconds. I'd broken my record.

With one last, cautious look around me, I began to run again, the sound of my feet echoing around the walls. Climbing the stairs three steps at a time, I ran swiftly, Sora's voice still ringing in my ears.

Seifer was going to pay.

* * *

><p>"You alright?"<p>

_Yeah Terra, 'cause lying in a hospital bed with blood on my knuckles is perfectly normal._

"Sure."

He groaned, letting his usually controlled expression plummet into exhaustion. "_Why _did you do it? You told me you weren't going to go fight him again!"

I knew that I owed him an explanation. But instead I pressed my lips into a tight line and looked away from his eyes. Ever since I'd met him they'd lost their light, and his forehead was almost always creased with worry.

_My fault._

"So what are the consequences?"

"No one talks like that," I chastised, "and I got a one-week suspension."

"A whole week?" he sounded horrified. "How are you going to catch up with your classes?"

"Who cares, idiot?" I deadpanned, "There's no point to it, is there?"

From the look on his face, I realized I'd said too much.

"What…what do you mean, no point?"

I looked away from him again. "You know man, you don't really know me at all."

Terra was shaking, and for a moment I almost thought he was going to cry, until—

"You _fucking _asshole!" he cried, jumping out of the seat he'd brought beside my bed, "Why do you always talk like that? _What point is there? _I thought you'd stopped thinking like that! It's...I…"

"You what?" I said indifferently, "You thought that now that I met you, I'd find it important enough to _live _my life? Well too _fucking _bad."

Terra had pulled his hands into fists, something I'd never seen him do. He looked like he was going to punch me, but at the last moment, he relaxed.

"I thought I knew you too, Vanitas," he said finally.

And he was gone.

* * *

><p>I leaned against the wall of my room, cranking open my last can of coke. I stared at my bed in silence. If I closed my eyes, I could almost hear her humming, silhouetted against the light of the moon. For some strange reason that frustrated me to no end, I'd been avoiding my room ever since she'd left it. It was as if her phantom still haunted the place, the whisper of her voice still lingering there, even though I'd never heard it.<p>

I let the empty can slip from my hands and clatter to the floor before I moved to the window and peered out. I could see the whole street from here, the flickering streetlamps that no one cared enough to repair.

And I saw her.

_My eyes are playing tricks on me,_ I thought. _I've been drinking too much coke._ But she was definitely there. Standing at the corner of the street, staring straight at me, as if she could see right through to my soul. I shivered suddenly, unnecessary fear crawling up my skin.

I dashed out of my house before I could register what was going on. I tripped over the discarded cereal boxes and empty water bottles someone had dumped outside, but I barely noticed them as I charged towards the spot where I'd seen her. But what I reached was an empty street corner, where the only living thing was a tiny kitten that dared to rub against my legs, annoying the hell out of me. I gave it a good kick, breathing heavily for the second time that day, trembling in the cold as I watched it scamper away. I was dressed in a T-shirt and jeans; not the desirable attire in the middle of December. I started back towards my house, throwing occasional glances behind me in case Xion reappeared.

Maybe she was a ghost after all.

* * *

><p>I woke up groggy, annoyed at the burning in my eyes, annoyed at the world.<p>

Stupid fucking world.

I stepped into the shower, wincing as the cold water came in contact with my skin. The funding I'd been getting from the local orphanage had stopped coming in as soon as I'd passed the sixteen-year mark. They could only give me so much pity. Now I was stuck with two choices: move into the shitty orphanage—and it _was _an orphanage, no matter what the hell they called it—or make my own money. I chose the latter only because I didn't want to spend the rest of life with snot-nosed kids who didn't even know how to wipe their own asses.

I knew I would never get adopted. Anyone who wanted to adopt a messed up, broken piece of crap like me would have to be out of their minds.

Since I'd been so cleverly banned from school and had nothing else to do with my pathetic life, I figured it was about time I got a job—a part time job, anyway. I was thinking carpenter, or something of the sort. I didn't want to deal with annoying people.

Besides, if all else failed, I could always juggle. Not that I knew how.

Pulling on the only jacket I owned—a ratty, dirty-looking thing—I pushed my way out the front door, shielding my eyes from the sun. For once it wasn't cold, but it didn't satisfy me as much as it usually would have. I stared at the corner of the street as I walked past it, shuddering involuntarily at the memory of Xion standing in the center of darkness. I really hoped I hadn't been hallucinating.

"Hey Vanitas! What's up?"

I'd been walking for a full hour, starting to wonder if I should just hotwire a car or something when a voice startled me out of my thoughts. Zack, a tall man with hair that was such a dark blue it looked black (kinda like mine, sadly), waved at me from the gates of the house he stood guard for.

"Yo," he greeted as I grudgingly ambled over to him.

"Not in the mood," I answered.

"You never are." Zack grinned obnoxiously.

_Ugh, anything could make this excuse of a guy smile like a complete idiot._

"Why aren't you in school, little kid?"

I grimaced at his word choice. "I got suspended."

"_Again?_"

"Last time was like a month ago!"

"A month is nothing, kiddo," Zack told me matter-of-factly. I was about to snap back at him when I noticed the small boy standing by the door of the house with his arms folded.

"What's up with _him_?"

Zack followed my gaze. "Oh, well, you know…I'm not sure."

Skeptical, I raised an eyebrow at him. "So who the hell is he?"

Zack gave me a look. "Watch your words," he muttered, "and he's the assistant guard."

I glanced at the boy again. "Assistant guard? I feel like the wind would be enough to push him over, let alone a real person."

Zack waved my assumptions away effortlessly. "It's not like he needs to do anything with _me _here." He pointed to his chest, grinning again.

I tried not to gag. _Uh-huh. Sure._

"Denzel!" Zack gestured at the boy, who, rather reluctantly, skulked over to us. His cerulean eyes seemed to pierce my skin.

"This is Vanitas," Zack said good-naturedly, apparently oblivious to Denzel's death glare, "One of the guys you'll need to look out for."

I rolled my eyes and made to leave again—that kid was creeping me out—but I was soon stopped, again, by the pretentious Zack Fair.

"What's your problem?"

Zack stared at me, all silliness gone from his expression. "Something's on your mind."

"No shit."

"What is it?"

Zack wasn't aware of something called "personal boundaries." I tried to shrug his hand off my shoulder, but to no avail. "Why the hell do you wanna know?"

Zack didn't respond, and I sighed. He wasn't going to give up on this.

I made a split-second decision.

"I need some advice."

Zack's eyes lit up. "Sure!"

_Well his mood changed quickly._

I ran a hand through my hair, shooting the Denzel boy a hasty, suspicious glance before speaking.

"It's about a girl."

Zack raised his eyebrows meaningfully. "Oh really?"

I could feel myself blushing. _Damn it._

"It's not what you think," I insisted quickly, "She's just…she doesn't talk."

"You need a good pickup line?"

_Idiot. _"No, I mean she doesn't talk _at all. _She's...mute."

From the corner of my eye, I saw Denzel's eyes widen momentarily before his expression rapidly shifted back to indifference. Biting in the sudden questions that had flared up inside me, I waited for a reaction from Zack.

Unsurprisingly, he looked puzzled. "Is she...deaf or something?"

I was suddenly wondering whether Zack had been the best person to ask.

"No," I answered a little uneasily, shaking my head, "She just doesn't choose to talk…I think. Look, my point is…" I paused, my eyes flicking from Zack to Denzel, "How can I find out more about her?"

Zack crossed his arms. "What exactly do you want to find out?"

OK, so he wasn't as thick as I'd made him out to be. "I want to know…_why _she won't speak."

"Talk to her," Zack advised, before I'd even stopped talking, "Even if she doesn't speak, find a way to listen to what she wants to say." He narrowed his eyes at me knowingly. "Don't try to figure it out behind her back."

I was about to protest when his usually bright eyes suddenly hardened.

"Vanitas, don't let your guard down. The truth…may not be easy to accept. Do you understand?"

His complete change of tone both confused and scared me; all I could do was nod. What was he trying to say? That perhaps I didn't want to know the reason behind Xion's silence, behind her hidden sadness? What could I possibly find?

"Za—ack!" A loud, female voice was calling from inside the house. "Get over here!"

"Tifa's calling," Zack informed me, back to his usual, goofy demeanor, "Cloud probably got his hands stuck in the oven again. See ya!" He saluted before jogging into the house with an odd amount of enthusiasm.

Denzel trailed behind him like a bedraggled puppy, sparing me only a single, ephemeral glance that, along with Zack's final words, gave me much to think about.

I wasn't gonna get much sleep tonight.

* * *

><p><strong>And…another chapter comes to a close. I need to work on ending my chapters. This one wasn't so interesting, was it? Not much VanShion in this one, sadly. However, I hope none of you consider this a "filler" chapter because there were some necessary things that needed to be introduced. Like Denzel. (In case someone is purely Kingdom Hearts and is unaware, Denzel is from Final Fantasy VII. Mainly Advent Children.) <strong>

**Alright, onwards.**

**The Dismotivator: (Regarding **_**God himself graces the land of his beings**_**) "It's also because it sounds like both the poetic and deep Vanitas that you've introduced us to, and the sarcastic, condescending Vanitas that we knew from BbS."**

That's great to hear. What's funny is that I have no idea where the line itself came from. I was just writing and it sort of popped out of my head. I considered removing it a lot times because it sounded out of place, but now I know I made the right decision of keeping it! :)

"**Also, because of this, I'm gonna read about selective mutism, too."**

I'm glad you mentioned that! I'm really into writing this story right now, so I actually did days' worth of research. I didn't want it to be unrealistic; I guess it's kind of silly, really, but I wanted to try to connect with real people who have this condition. I tried not to go too much into it in the story, but still hit on several important parts as I went along.

"**Also, that last scene with Kairi, yes, it was in-character."**

Thank goodness! I can sleep in peace now. I'm not being sarcastic, by the way. I was really worried that I was making Kairi cry too much. I mean, she's strong but she's generally nice and very concerned about others. This story just kind of comes upon her at a bad time, that's all.

"**Did Xion possibly go through more than Vanitas to make her so... broken? What makes Vanitas so interested in her muteness? And, of course, what happened to Sora that made Kairi so sad?"**

I wouldn't know if I would say "more" than Vanitas, but definitely something similar. In the concept way, not the events way.

Besides the fact that he just wants to get answers? Yeah, there's something there that relates to his own past. But that'll all have to wait till the big reveal, I guess. ;)

Well I suppose I don't need to answer that one, hehe.

Also, I may not know about that natural genius thing you mentioned, but I definitely have fun writing, and that may have something to do with it. Stories tend to turn out better when you're not afraid of what people will think, I've learned.

Oh, one more thing! I recently started reading your story _Meanwhile, in Sora's Heart _and I've been enjoying it so far. I didn't get the time to review because of finals but I will definitely be reviewing more often now! You have a knack for comedy :D

** I: "It's just Vanitas being curious."**

Good to know! I've actually been getting that a lot lately, and it makes me really happy. I honestly don't like it when stories jump straight into romance. There are a few exceptions, of course, but only when the sudden feelings are justified. Besides that, love at first sight is a no-no for me. I'm sorry about your fingers, by the way, they must be cramped now for being crossed for so long. D:

**Oh yes, if anyone's wondering, Alida was based off the girl from the shop in Kingdom Hearts II that seems to have some relationship with Roxas. xD**

**Well, that's all I have to say, it seems. If you have any questions , comments, or see any errors, feel free to point them out through a review or a PM! One more parting word before I leave: If you're planning to review this, it would be so very cool to hear your opinions on why you like (or don't like) Vanitas and Xion as a pairing. I'll throw out my own reasons next time, so until then!**

**PS: School is **_**finally **_**over, which means updates will (hopefully) be faster than usual! Keep those hopes up, guys. And thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews/favorites/alerts. They may be for your benefit, but they make me infinitely happy :)**


	7. Chapter 7: Clandestine

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any part of Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy.**

**For those who don't know: "Clandestine" is an adjective characterized by secrecy or concealement.**

**Warning: Language may not be suitable for young children. I hope I don't need to remind everyone that this is in Vanitas' point of view. Read on if you dare.**

**Thanks to: My reviewers, and my beta, Mystics Apprentice (whose stories rock by the way, so go read them!)**

* * *

><p><em>Bête Noire<em>

_Chapter Seven: Clandestine_

As soon as I stepped into Marlowe's Shoe Shoppe, the old lady behind the counter threw me a glare that marked the day of my death, and I was back outside in two seconds flat. Being the fourth time this had happened (I swear there are too many old ladies behind counter these days) I was about ready to give up, somehow steal a motorbike, and go home—but my pride wouldn't let me.

I went from one store to another, not even bothering to walk in anymore, just peering through the glass display cases and moving on. It was when my anger got the best of me and I was weighing a large rock in my hand—_how big of a hole would this make?_—when some guy at the end of the street gestured mildly in my direction.

I pointed at myself. Me?

The man nodded. Dropping the stone, I sauntered over to him disinterestedly.

_I swear, if this idiot starts lecturing me—_

"You seem to enjoy wandering," the man noted, light blue eyes sizing me up.

I shrugged. "Yeah, so?"

The man paused for a moment, his thoughtful stature strangely reminding me of Terra. Finally, he asked, "How would you like to work for me?"

"Depends on what you do," I answered. without missing a beat.

The man chuckled, though it seemed forced.

"Strife Delivery Service." He held out his hand. "Cloud Strife."

I didn't take his hand. "What do you deliver?"

"You name it, we deliver it," Cloud answered easily. "It's our motto." He was still holding out his hand, as if he were daring me to shake it.

"What would I use to deliver things?" I challenged.

_I'm not backing out of this fight._

"Usually motorbikes, but if you aren't comfortable with it…or don't have a license—"

_Never mind._

"I'll take it."

If Cloud was surprised, he didn't show it. He didn't reply either.

"I'll take it," I repeated, shaking his hand unwillingly. "When do I start?"

"Tomorrow, if you don't mind," he said finally. His unnecessarily calm exterior was starting to bug me. "You'll be here after your school ends. Sound fair?"

I didn't bother telling him about my suspension. In fact, it had probably been best not to. Instead, I nodded, turning to leave.

"I didn't catch your name?" He spoke slowly, choosing each word carefully as if afraid I would go off at him. _Smart guy._

"That's because I didn't tell you, lose—" I held my tongue and backtracked. "Vanitas."

Cloud was wearing an odd expression. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

* * *

><p>I took my time walking home. There was no point in rushing; it wasn't as if I had anything to fucking do anyway. I jammed my hands into my pockets, shivering involuntarily. Stupid cold; it had the worst habit of creeping on me when I least wanted it to.<p>

Suddenly, I stopped walking. For a moment I wasn't sure why I'd stopped, but one look at the mailbox to my right and I knew exactly why. This is where I'd found Xion curled in on herself, crying. My stomach knotted unpleasantly and I was about to get the hell out of there when I spotted it.

The notebook.

Discarded and forgotten, it was lying face down on the pavement at the foot of the mailbox—exactly where Xion had been sitting. I bent down to pick it up, turning the worn-out book in my hand.

_Somewhere in here, I scribbled the date. No, more importantly… Somewhere in here, Xion wrote all her secrets._

It suddenly struck me that although I was holding her notebook, I hadn't opened it. I'd spent countless days wondering about this very book, frustrated that I may never get to see what she had written. Suicide notes? The names of all the people she wanted to see dead?

I was holding the answers. So why wasn't I opening the fucking thing? I should have already cracked it open; such was my thirst for secrets that shouldn't really matter.

Why was it suddenly so hard for me to breathe?

_Somewhere in here, there's a part of Xion that I know nothing about._

Without thinking, I hurled the book across the street where it landed in a pile of melted ice, its sleek black cover taunting me. I sighed and picked it off the ground, wiping it off. What was wrong with me?

Scared of a mere notebook.

I walked hastily the rest of the way, the small book tucked uncharacteristically under my arm. I was eager to read it, but I couldn't do it yet. Not here, not now. I entered my house in a rush, discarding my jacket on the floor of my bedroom, not caring about the cool wind filtering through the open windows.

Slowly, leaning against the wall to catch my breath, I opened her notebook.

The first page was blank. I ran my fingers over it, marveling at the clear page. Had she left it blank intentionally? My heart threatened to burst out of my chest as I lifted the corner of the page. The next page only had a few words scribbled onto its smooth surface as if done in haste—

_Zexion. That's his name. Z. E. X. I. O. N._

_I'll never forget it._

That was as far as I got when I heard banging, loud and unexpected, and apparently right outside my house. Nearly jumping out of my skin, I tossed the book onto my bed on my way out.

"Who the hell is making all that noise?" I screamed as soon as I managed to yank open the front door, nearly tearing it off its hinges. A pair of bright blue eyes, alarmed and startled, turned my way. A short boy with blond hair stood within punching distance, clutching a notepad to his chest.

He smiled warily at my appearance. "Er, hi, I didn't mean to bother you, I just kind of tripped and…" He motioned at the forgotten planks of wood leaning against the side of my house. Wasn't sure what they were doing there, but, at the moment, didn't really care.

"Cut to the chase, kid," I warned, "I haven't got all day."

"Ah, well," the boy smiled nervously, "My brother and I will be going to the same school as you, so—"

"Don't wanna hear it," I informed him before slamming the door in his face. In a few quick strides I was back in my room when there was loud hammering at my door.

_Again?_

I found the same, dorky little, blond-haired brat standing on my front porch. Except he had thrown away his notepad and his expression was much graver.

"Look," he told me evenly, his voice no longer sopping with the unneeded friendliness from before, "we just wanted to say that we recently moved in next door and—"

"Can't you just leave me alone?" I groaned. His voice was so _annoying; _I was surprised I hadn't already punched him in that baby face of his. "Go bother someone else, will you?"

The boy was quiet, his blue eyes studying me before he spoke. "Apparently, that seems to be the best option."

"_Thank you," _I told him, voice thick with sarcasm.

The door shook visibly as I slammed it for the third time that day.

* * *

><p>After spending several hours staring at the poorly bound notebook lying on the center of my bed, I grew tired of pacing the tiny space I called my room, and I quickly escaped from it, gasping for air like a fish out of water. No matter how much I reassured myself that it wouldn't hurt to read any more than I had done already, I couldn't muster enough courage to pick the stupid book up again. I <em>was <em>scared of a mere notebook, more than I had ever been in my life. I'm not going to deny the fact that more than once I've stared at my history textbooks and shuddered (have you seen the _size _of those things?) but I'd never actually _feared_ what I might find inside.

The simple, sleek black cover of the notebook appeared close to ominous. Sure, I'd read the first page, but it had done more than just grab my attention. The words in there weren't just words from a history textbook or a novel; they were _real words, _written by a real person about real things. And, for some insane reason, my brain couldn't handle that.

I was starting to get annoyed of the damn thing.

My eyes flashed towards my bedroom door, which was slightly ajar. What was I doing, freaking out about some insignificant _journal_? I was gonna ride a motorbiketomorrow. A fucking _motorbike. _Something was seriously wrong with me if I wasn't looking forward to that.

I had to get rid of Xion's notebook, preferably _before _it drove me to complete insanity.

Getting straight to work, I pulled out all the phone directories I could possibly find and began to look through them, searching feverishly for Xion Rakiel. I knew her last name from the nametag I'd glimpsed on day one—something the principal stupidly enforced for every student. My efforts were in vain, because I found no Xion Rakiel. Only when I'd read the whole page several times did I realize that I probably didn't own a recent copy of the phone directory. Sure enough, mine dated back more than ten years. Figured. I couldn't even find _myself _in there.

That narrowed my options. I could run to the nearest bookstore but it would still take me too long and I _really _wasn't in the mood for leaving the house again. Another possibility was to order it online, but I hadn't been able to pay the internet bill last week so that was out too; which left me with only one thing—the neighbors.

I didn't bother trying to clean myself up, since the annoying kid next door had seen me already. It was the same kid who opened the door when I got there, only he'd changed his clothes since I last saw him. He stumbled backwards in surprise, mouth wide open.

I rolled my eyes.

"I was wondering if…I could borrow…your phone directory?" I tried to phrase my request as _nicely _as possible.

What I didn't expect, however, was for the boy to break into a smile. This time I was the one with my mouth hanging open.

"Sure!" he told me, waving me inside. "Come on in."

I was in too much shock to deny his offer, so I found myself standing in a well-furnished living room, my muddy shoes trailing dirt all over the floor. I looked at the boy to study his reaction, but he just grinned, handing me a thick, fresh-looking copy of the book.

"Uh…thanks," I muttered.

"No problem," he answered, just as brightly as he when he'd invited me in. "Do you wanna use the phone, too?"

"That would be cool," I agreed, still studying his expression intently. He hadn't seemed so fucking cheerful before. Did he have multiple-personality issues or something? It was as if the incident at my house hadn't even happened. That, or he'd already forgotten it—which, in my opinion, was even weirder.

Shaking my head, I flipped open the book, finding Xion's name in an instant. I was about to dial her number when I noticed that the boy was reading over my shoulder.

"Could you give a guy some space?" I wanted to say. But I reconsidered, and instead asked for a pen and some paper, which the boy gave me with an overflowing amount of eagerness. One would think he was handing me an award.

* * *

><p>I only came to my senses when I was back in my own—comparatively depressing—house, a slip of paper trapped between my fingers. Talk about <em>weird. <em>The people who lived around here were creepier than I had thought.

Remembering the reason I'd gone there in the first place, I dialed Xion's number. I didn't entirely grasp what I was doing until the fifth ring, but by then it was too late—

"Aeleus Rakiel speaking."

"Uh…" I cleared my throat, intimidated by the deep voice that had answered. "Is…Xion home?"

"Not at the moment." The man, who I assumed was Xion's father, sounded suspicious. "Reason?"

_Not a man of many words, are we?_ "Well, I kind of found her notebook, so—"

"Is she in one of your classes?" the man broke in.

I bit back a retort. _Stay calm._ I didn't want this guy calling the cops on me. "Yeah, she is, but…"

"She's been ill," said the man, who didn't know what I'd been about to say because he wouldn't let me fucking finish my sentences, "That's why she hasn't been going to school."

_Xion hasn't been going to school? _"I…I see. So then what do I—"

The man rattled off an address.

_Click._

I stared at the phone. _Geez, this must be what Terra feels like every time I hang up on him. _

_Terra…_

Thinking about him filled me with pointless guilt, so I shook off the thought before it could grind itself further into my chest and instead wrote the address Xion's father rambled before my understandably overdeveloped brain lost sight of it. It was only then did I recall that I was presently broke and had no way of delivering the notebook to her.

_Great._

_Screw everything._

* * *

><p>"You're early."<p>

"I ran from school," I lied smoothly. Cloud arched an eyebrow but said nothing.

"So when do I start?"

Cloud stood up, discarding the dirty gloves he'd been using to fix a motorbike, and motioned for me to follow him past a row of yet even more motorcycles.

"Will I be delivering anything today?" I found myself asking.

Cloud didn't turn around. "You'll have to present a license first, and go for a test run under my supervision."

"Got it." My hands closed around the fake license in my pocket. It hadn't been too hard to get. Besides, I already knew how to ride a motorbike; there was no point in spending time taking a stupid test that proved next to nothing.

"In here," Cloud walked into a small office, a bell tinkling somewhere as we entered. He ran a single hand through his hair before turning to me. What he said next was so surprising I had to grab onto a nearby chair for support.

"I know what you're hiding, Vanitas."

I opened my mouth. Closed it again. "What are you talking about?" I managed, "I'm not hiding anyth—"

"You're suspended from school, aren't you?"

I set my jaw. He didn't know it, but inside I was essentially doing cartwheels. "Yeah, okay, maybe I am. How does this have anything to do with—?"

"Why?"

"The school staff is made up of a bunch of morons, that's why."

Cloud's eyes didn't even register my answer. He stood with his arms at his sides, almost staring me down so hard that I could have melted.

"Because… I threw around some punches."

Unexpectedly, Cloud relaxed. "Good."

I choked on the words that had almost escaped my lips. "G…Good?"

Cloud allowed himself a small smile, his cool exterior having evaporated so fast I wasn't sure if it still existed. "Good, because you didn't withhold the reason."

I wasn't getting his point. "Yeah, so?"

"Vanitas, all I need from you is a promise."

I didn't like how this man kept getting the best of me. "What kind of promise?"

Cloud's eyes flashed, a shadow of his previous, cold façade. "You won't get into any fights here."

I waved away his concern. "So long as no one pisses me off."

Again, Cloud didn't respond.

I sighed resignedly. "Promise."

Cloud nodded at me. "Great. Let's get on with this, then."

Several license checks and multiple test runs later, Cloud was handing me the keys to my very own motorbike. Well, very own in a sense—it wasn't _really _mine. The moment I quit the job would be the moment my brand-new bike would be taken away from me.

My chances on getting a bike after that? Negative zero.

"I can take it out for a spin? Right now?" I was hating the obvious excitement that had found its way into my voice. Cloud just chuckled—naturally, this time—and tilted his head towards the road. "It's all yours. Just be here tomorrow at 7 a.m. sharp."

My mouth fell open. "7 _a.m._? Sorry man, I only do living hours."

The side of Cloud's lips twitched at my choice of words. "It's that or nothing."

"7 a.m. it is."

Cloud nodded and gave me one last, small wave before he left on a motorbike of his own; this time, "his own" in the sense that he really owned it.

_Lucky bastard._

Quickly forgetting bitter feelings, I turned to my own motorbike. Almost out of habit, I reached out and traced the handlebars with the tips of my fingers. It was something I had always done before a ride. But that was all I could take before I jumped on and blasted out of reality.

What people didn't seem to realize was that my addiction to bikes—or whatever they ended up calling it—wasn't because of the "danger they posed to society." It was something else entirely. As soon as I kicked off the ground, pure adrenaline replaced any unwanted feelings that were weighing me down. It was like having every single cell ripped from your body and thrown into the air, leaving you with nothing but the sensation of flying. I wasn't rushing through the wind, I _was _the wind. And even then, the breeze whipping through my hair (_who cares about the helmet?_) and the adrenaline rushing through my blood wasn't half of it.

Dancing at the brink of death was something you could experience nowhere else.

I willed myself to go faster and faster, taking the back roads and alleyways that no one looked at anymore, not caring where I was going or who happened to see me. Time had been switched to fast-forward, and it was beginning to grow dark when I finally slowed down and came to realize where the bike had brought me.

_Might as well deliver the notebook now._

Pulling out the slip of paper that I'd miraculously tucked into my pocket, I was soon walking towards the lone house at the edge of the street that seemed more of an afterthought than anything else, when suddenly a loud voice stopped me in my tracks. I nearly lost my grip on the notebook I had pulled out from inside my jacket.

"You can't keep going on like this. Say something."

For a few brief seconds there was silence. I edged closer to the house, ducking low so no one would see me through the window.

"Why are you keeping your voice bottled up like this?" the deep voice continued, "At first I supposed…you were trying to follow my example. But I've come to realize I was wrong."

I heard the sound of footsteps, slow and careful, followed by a low gasp.

"Why…why do you move away from your own father?"

My eyes widened.

"Xion…I'm…I'm just trying to help…"

The notebook fell onto the grass with an inaudible thud.

"…_Vanitas."_

"_But Daddy, I—"_

"_Don't argue with me, boy!"_

"_Why do you keep leaving us? Mommy's crying all the time, and—"_

"_I'm just trying to help you, insolent child! Why do you disobey your own father? You and your mother are nothing but pitiful burdens to me!"_

_I winced. "But you love Mommy, don't you? Daddies love mommies, the girl on the T.V. said—"_

"_Screw the girl on T.V.! I'd rather you were both dead!"_

_Tears welled up in my eyes. "But…"_

_Seconds later something sharp and hot struck the side of my face, and I cried out in pain, falling onto the cold floor. _

_Weak, defenseless, and pathetic..._

The ground was shaking underneath me, threatening to throw me over. My head jerked towards the window, where the voice had stopped.

If I'd stayed there a moment longer they would have found me curled up in a fetal position, muttering useless words to myself. But I'd come to my senses before that could have happened, leaving the wretched notebook where it had fallen and dashing down the street. Even with the world still threatening to spin away from me, it took two seconds to start the bike up again and roar away, the fresh tears on my cheeks drying as fast as they had come.

_I'm still pathetic._

* * *

><p><strong>I almost didn't want to post any author notes. I don't know, maybe leave you with the feeling, eh? But I couldn't resist. I feel like I can ramble here, lol. Anyway, a big thank you again for the reviews! They make my day :D<strong>

**With of Tragedies: "I wonder how they were even 'friends' in the first place."**

It does seem pretty hard to imagine, doesn't it? I suppose I just felt like it worked mostly because of Terra and how he would probably look deeper than the surface when making someone his friend. But their friendship is still bumpy, and will continue to be, sadly. For now.

Oh, and I hope you caught the slight Death Note reference! xD

**FireWolfHeart: "Again, this is SUPER good, please update soooooon"**

I hope this was soon enough for you, haha. I'm sorry to say that updates will usually take at least a week, if not more. Hope you'll still stick around for the story though :)

**The Dismotivator: "I don't understand the connection between the title and the content."**

Hmm, I guess I wasn't as clear with that as I'd hoped to be. Well, by definition, the word "hiatus" is a break or interruption in the continuity of a work, series, or action. This meant two things for the chapter; one, his break from school, or his "suspension," since it kind of broke routine and he didn't know what to do with himself. Another way it reflected on the chapter was how the events jumped around a bit, "breaks" as a series of events. I hope I made that clear :O Sorry it wasn't as obvious as it should have been, lol.

Oh, and crack-made-awesome sounds, well, awesome. I'll be using that from now on ;)

**As for Vanitas and Xion as a pairing; besides the fact that both of them weren't supposed to exist and were remnants of another person, I feel their personalities themselves work with each other. Vanitas is prideful and dark, so he needs someone who will stand up to him, but at the same time, not as an enemy. Xion is kind and polite, but she's also fierce and daring, and she protects what she loves with a passion. I just see **_**so much **_**in both of them. VanShion really is my favorite pairing out of all the Kingdom Hearts pairings. I just love them so much! Does it show? ;)**

**It's cool how I share most of my reasons with all of you, haha.**

**So that's it for now, I guess. Enjoy the chapter. I'm actually one chapter ahead now (yay) so although updates may not be faster, the wait will definitely not be too long.**

**So long! And I hope you all have wonderful summers :)**


	8. Chapter 8: Sapphire

**Chapter Eight already? I'm **_**so **_**fast! From here on out, I'll be aiming to update every weekend. Preferably Fridays, but just so everyone knows, this is not a definite update schedule, depending on how fast I can keep the chapters coming and how amazingly fast my very busy beta works. Anyway, read on! Apologies for the delay.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy.**

**Thanks to: My reviewers and my beta, Mystics Apprentice.**

* * *

><p><em>Bête Noire<em>

_Chapter Eight: Sapphire_

The rest of the week passed by in a blur. It was strange; now that I had an actual motorbike, the days didn't drag on like they used to. I'd spend every morning at Strife Delivery Service, making spontaneous deliveries all around the city. When Cloud had said, "You name it, we deliver it," he hadn't been kidding; People literally phoned in the names of whatever they wanted delivered. So far, I'd delivered posters, empty vases, streamers, and several toy train sets. It was only after I'd delivered various other toys that I realized I was doing Santa Clause's job.

"Hey, uh… When's Christmas?" I asked Cloud one day, just as I was getting ready for another delivery.

Cloud didn't take long to answer, his expression a mask of whatever he was feeling. "In about a week." He paused, and then added, "You okay?"

I rolled my eyes. "You should know by know by now that I don't really give a fuck about things like Christmas."

This seemed to cause Cloud unnecessary concern. "And why is that?"

I shrugged, getting onto my bike. "Don't know."

For the first time since I'd started working for him, Cloud broke eye contact.

"I know what it's like to be alone, Vanitas."

* * *

><p><em>I'm not alone, <em>I felt the need to assure myself that night. _I have Terra. Yeah. This fight, or whatever it is…won't last too long._

_I'm not alone._

But I knew, somewhere inside, that I was only feeding myself empty words.

* * *

><p>I should've appreciated my time away from school more than I had, because soon enough, I was thrown back into hell. I wasn't sure why I was even going back, really. I could just give up on school altogether. But the school would notify the orphanage, and they couldn't have a clear conscience without giving me eternal pain. It was easier not to resist.<p>

There were other reasons too. Reasons I didn't want to believe but were unfortunately true. I had to make it up to Terra, somehow. After all he'd done, he hadn't deserved what I'd said to him. He was the only person I really gave a shit about.

And then there was Xion.

I'd more or less completely blocked the stream of memories that had invaded my mind the day I'd gone to her house. I'd avoided that street, nonetheless, despite Cloud's wary questions every time I rejected a delivery job from the area. It would affect my paycheck, he'd remind me. I didn't really care.

I wasn't running away; I was just saving myself the annoyance of having to deal with a problem that didn't exist anymore.

The day started normal enough. I could feel eyes on me as I sashayed down the hallway, swinging my personal thirty pounds of crap. I could feel the absence of Terra. For three years now, I'd been meeting him in front of English class every morning, where he would usually remind me that I had "somehow forgotten" to do my homework. It had become so routine that I'd started to take it for granted. And now it had been wrenched away from me.

_Just like everything else._

And I was to blame.

I hung my head. Why was it impossible me for me to get used to something without crushing it to pieces?

Pausing outside Mr. Hendrickson's room, I suddenly wondered what kind of entrance I should make. _Just walk right in? _

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. I was losing it.

Shaking my head, I pushed the door open.

"You're asking me if you can change partners? I'm afraid… I'm afraid that's impossible…"

I was in the exact position I'd secretly dreaded—face to face with Xion.

Giving me a look that was almost guilty, she darted away from Mr. Hendrickson's desk. Mr. H, being the coward that he was, tried not to make eye contact, but I was barely paying any attention. At that moment, I had eyes for only one person.

She'd made a beeline for her desk, sinking into her seat so low that one would think she wished to disappear. And I bet she really wanted to, because what came out of my mouth next was something even I was unprepared for.

Totaling the distance between us in three quick strides, my hands slammed down on her desk—hard. "Who's Zexion?"

I've seen a lot of people with blue eyes, especially with the large collection of blue-eyed freaks in this school. I've realized that blue eyes tend to be soft and weak, like Sora's. When I first saw Xion, I hardly paid any attention to hers—they were nothing special. But at that moment they seemed to pull me in and tell me a story filled with sorrow and hatred…and endless pain.

I wasn't sure what kind of reaction I'd been expecting—anger, hostility, even embarrassment—but I certainly hadn't expected her to reach up and slap me in the face.

The sound of Xion's small hand connecting with my cheek echoed across the room. All heads turned our way. I stared at her, not believing what had just happened. Xion stared back so fiercely that I was amazed I didn't evaporate on the spot.

"Wha…what did I…" I had been reduced to a stuttering idiot, a state no one had ever seen me in. Something worse than hatred seemed to take control of me, and, as if in a dream, I saw my hand reach for Xion's collar and yank her towards me.

My grip slackened just as fast when I realized what I was doing.

I would never stoop as low as my father.

Ignoring the numerous eyes trained on us, I dropped into my seat, my backpack falling to the floor with a light thud. My eyes flashed towards Mr. Hendrickson, who was doing a poor job of hiding his amazement.

"What?" I finally demanded, glaring at a scrawny boy with glasses twice his size. He cringed as if I had just hit him, and almost immediately, the class returned to its usual atmosphere.

I slumped forward in my seat.

Being back in school was just _lovely._

Xion was quiet beside me. I wondered, again, who the hell this Zexion was, and why his name would evoke such a reaction from her. I was guessing, especially from the slap, that perhaps it had been an ex-boyfriend. If that were the case, it would explain a lot of things. But could something as small as a nasty break-up actually render a person completely silent? My gaze flickered to Xion, who surprised me by staring back just as furtively. As soon as she saw me looking, however, she turned away, a deep red color filling her cheeks.

This girl was starting to give me a headache. _First she slaps me, then she blushes when I catch her looking at me? What is going on inside her head?_

Subconsciously, I brushed my fingers across my cheek where she'd slapped me. Strangely, I wasn't angry anymore. Just…

…even more curious.

Not caring what she would think, I pulled my chair up to her desk. She gasped audibly and tried to look at anything but me, her gaze settling at last on the hands she had folded in her lap.

"What are you thinking?" I questioned bluntly.

No answer. This wasn't going to work. Yanking a science worksheet out of my bag, I smoothed it out and scribbled the very same question as fast as I could, pushing the paper towards her when I was done.

I offered her the pencil. "I'm not leaving you alone until you tell me."

For a moment Xion's metallic blue eyes were focused on the pencil. Finally, with shaking hands, she took it from me—careful not to let her fingers graze against mine, I noticed—and slowly wrote out her answer.

_Why?_

I stared at the word. _Why what?_

_Why do you want to know?_

She looked up at me, and the same question appeared to linger in her eyes.

Why _did _I want to know? I took longer to answer.

_Just…curious._

_That can't be the only reason._

I twirled the pencil in my fingers, trying to hide my excitement. _"Even if she doesn't speak, find a way to listen to what she wants to say."_We were communicating! I was actually _talking _to her!

I was tempted to write out "Who's Zexion?" but something told me not to go there. I stared at her words, carefully traced onto the excuse of a paper.

_I find you…interesting._

This didn't amuse her. _Interesting how?_

I shrugged, looking up to see her eyes trained on me yet again. "Maybe because… You have something to hide." I whispered, smirking.

Xion's eyes widened and she made a small choking sound as if something was stuck in her throat. She was holding back tears; that much was obvious.

She reached for the pencil again, practically yanking it out of my hand.

_I do._

* * *

><p>Xion never said anything after that. She covered her mouth, and the sounds of muffled sobs were ignored by the majority of the class, something that I soon realized was entirely my fault. For the first ten minutes I continued tapping my pencil against her wooden desk, my eyes on the last two words scribbled hastily on the back of my unimportant chemistry worksheet. But she didn't even look up. I dropped the pencil, frustrated that I had quickly diminished any chance of finding out her secret.<p>

I skulked back to my own desk, now deprived of a science worksheet and a pencil, both still lying idly in front of Xion's shaking figure. Mr. Hendrickson was going on about something boring again, but for once he decided not to bother me with his useless blabbering. Maybe he thought I'd suffered enough for a day. Whatever.

Why would she tell me she had something to hide if she wasn't going to say anything about it? It was fucking annoying. And I was an idiot for ever thinking I would get to her secret anyway. All girls screwed you over one way or another.

"_Remember, Vanitas, girls must be treated with utmost care. Whatever happens, show your father that love can rise above all else. Promise me, Vanitas."_

_Love._ There was no such thing, and the world was proof.

* * *

><p>I was halfway down the hall, flaunting my way to the cafeteria, when I remembered that my friend count had dropped from one to zero and the only reason I would want to go to that hell of a place was if I was hungry, which I wasn't.<p>

But I had promised myself that I would try to patch things up with Terra. And, unfortunately, if things progressed further this would get worse and worse until it became impossible to mend—like all the other things in this measly thing I called life.

Because seriously, I was getting tired of breathing.

"Terra?"

He looked up automatically at the sound of my voice.

_Is that a good thing or a bad thing?_

I watched with scary indifference as a series of emotions flickered from one to another on Terra's face, when inside I had never been more surprised. Terra was good at keeping things in, at hiding his problems just so that they wouldn't burden others.

Before I could proceed to say anything else, an annoying voice rang out from somewhere behind me.

"It's _you!_"

I turned around to see the blond, baby-faced boy from before, only now he was glaring at me. I threw up my hands. "Do you live a double life or something, loser?"

The boy looked startled. "Uh, no…"

"Roxas, what is it?"

Another boy with the exact same face minus the scowl stood next to the so-called "Roxas," and I was suddenly sure I was seeing double, unless…

"You two are twins."

The second one, seeming to notice me standing there a little late, broke into a smile. "Hey, I know you! You came over for the phone directory, right? To call some Xion person? I'm Ventus! Wanna be friends?"

I stared at him.

"Xion?"

Yet another person, this time red-haired and obnoxious, had joined in on our conversation. I was ready to slam my head against a wall.

"Xion Rakiel, by any chance?" For once, Lea sounded almost serious.

"Yes, the new girl," I waved him off. He seemed to be going through some kind of emotional distress (_the hell is wrong with everyone?) _but I was starting to get pissed and anything related to Xion didn't appeal to me anymore.

"Look, Terra," I started, "I wanted to—"

"Don't say anything else, Vanitas."

For a second I thought he'd forgiven me again in a single heartbeat, like he'd always done, but Terra's grim expression said otherwise.

"I've learned a lot of things from you, Vanitas. I've learned that sometimes people aren't what they seem to be. That inner strength can take you places or that sometimes giving up is the better option. But… I've learned other things too. Like sometimes… a person just doesn't learn from his mistakes, and it's best just to let that person go so he can learn for himself. I thought I was doing the right thing by being your friend…but I guess I was wrong."

He stopped, his blue eyes searching mine. For what, I didn't know. Everyone around us had fallen silent, watching us with disgusting interest. Aqua had arrived and stood beside Terra, a hand on his shoulder, as if he were the victim.

"Terra…" I cleared my throat, determined not to let any emotions show, "So I was just… some kind of charity case, huh?"

Terra looked hurt. "No, I…"

"Shut it."

I whirled around and pushed past Tweedledee and Tweedledum, the latter of which tried in vain to stop me. Something wet tingled at the side of my eyes, but disappeared as anger reigned over sorrow. I had but a single destination in mind; a place no one would dare bother me.

* * *

><p>It was so cold this time that my teeth chattered, but I had no intentions of going back inside. It was a good thing students weren't allowed weren't allowed in the grounds during lunch. I could already see them pointing—<em>Who's that emo kid standing on top of the school?<em>

I leaned against the railings, staring thoughtlessly at the ground below. It had never seemed so far down.

A sudden noise startled me into spiraling around. Had Terra followed me?

A pair of sapphire-blue eyes stared into my own.

"What are _you _doing here?"

Xion shrugged, her gaze still just as intense. After what had happened this morning, I would have thought that she would never look at me again, let alone stare into two golden pits of evil so unflinchingly. In fact, I realized, Xion was the first person to look into my eyes and not turn away in fear. This freak with yellow eyes somehow didn't scare her.

I had been denying it, but the last two words Xion had written on that piece of paper had been grinding themselves—painfully—against the back of my head. Just like everything else, her actions had confused me. Why tell me that she had secrets if she didn't plan to disclose them?

Xion walked past me and pointed at the ground below.

"What?" My tone was harsh, my voice suddenly rough. I couldn't get too many words out without feeling like I was suffocating.

Xion gestured at me and pointed at the ground for a second time.

"You think I was going to jump?"

Xion nodded, confident in her assumption.

"And what if I was?" I questioned, taking an involuntary step towards her and closing the gap between us, "Will you try to stop me?"

Shock registered on her face as she leaned away from me, the railing undoubtedly digging into her back.

And then she nodded, fierce resolve burning in her eyes. I laughed breathlessly, astounded. Who did this girl think she was, barging into my life and pretending like she could control me? Did she know what I was capable of? She could never dream of what I could do to her.

I pulled away. Running a hand through my hair, I closed my eyes.

They snapped open when I felt a small hand on my cheek—the very same cheek Xion had slapped—and I found myself staring into an expression filled with a strange longing.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I cried, jerking away from her touch.

Xion look startled, as if coming out of a fantasy. She shook her head once, twice, before backing away in what I identified as disbelief.

"Wait!" I yelled out as she made to run again. She stopped, her eyes as wide as saucers.

"What—" I tripped over my words, pulling my hand back when I realized it was outstretched towards her. "What are you hiding?"

Xion didn't move a muscle.

I studied her face carefully as I spoke, "Do you…want to tell me?"

She shook her head furiously.

"You sure about that?" I straightened, moving towards her again. Xion, however, had no intention of letting me continue. She whirled around, short black hair flaring as she bolted down the stairs that had led both of us to the roof.

I blinked. "I swear, I feel like I'm the only person in the world right now who isn't fucking crazy."

_I'm talking to myself._

* * *

><p>I saw Sora later that day. His forehead was still bandaged and he had a bit of a limp, but he seemed alright. Better than before, anyway. I didn't approach him though; I was sure he wouldn't approve of my reasons for fighting Seifer. To be honest, I didn't think I really had any. I just wanted an excuse to beat the shit out of that annoying blondie again.<p>

I didn't confront Terra after the cafeteria incident. I saw him again at the end of the day in the math class he had convinced me into taking. What's worse was that we had to sit right across from each other. The tension was peeling off the walls, and yet neither of us even looked at each other.

Things were definitely going downhill.

* * *

><p>I got another letter from the local prison that night. I didn't bother looking at it—I didn't even know why he still wrote to me. Did he actually expect me to read them?<p>

I burned it just like I had burned all the others, and I wondered how he had suddenly found so much to say.

* * *

><p><strong>Dismotivator: "I have got to know where you found that name, and why you decided to use it."<strong>

Lol thanks for saying it looked cool. Actually, it's a bit of a long story if you're willing to listen. Well, more of a long reason. Something that I come across often in this story is canon relationships and how I can incorporate them into the story. Since there isn't must Axel-Roxas-Xion (yet), I decided I might as well use their names. So Rakiel was a combined Roxas and Axel and some slight influence from the name "Raphael" from this game called Rhythm thief. So again, *bows* thank you for recognizing its coolness.

Also, yes I have ridden on a bike. And yes it feels pretty awesome.

…**despite a few typos here and there (I counted 3)**

:( What's the point of counting the typos if you aren't going to tell me what they were? Lol. I vaguely remember spotting a few when rereading it after I posted it, but they somehow escaped my mind…

**13NeverForget14: "And now Cloud steps in… as a delivery boy. First reaction: WTH? XD *is shot*"**

*Revives awesome reviewer* Well actually, Strife Delivery Service was taken straight out of Advent Children. Whether you like it or not, Cloud _is _a delivery boy. But a cool one, nonetheless ;)

**sunflowerkitty: "I just love, love, love how you portray Vanitas!"**

:O Thank you. Very much. I'm serious, Vanitas' voice is something I strive for in every single chapter.

**There will be a lot more of Xion, I promise. Now that things are finally starting to pick up, lol. About time, huh?**

**Check out the poll in my profile, please. I'd very much appreciate as many votes as I can get. Thanks again, guys! Until next weekend…**

**~DestinyCrusader**


	9. Chapter 9: Icing on the Cake

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or anything else related to Disney or Square Enix.**

**Warning: Questionable language used.**

**Thanks to: The Dismotivator, and my beta, Mystics Apprentice**

* * *

><p><em>Bête Noire<em>

_Chapter Nine: Icing on the Cake_

My mother used to love butterflies. She was adept at catching them, holding them gently so that she didn't accidentally kill the colorful insects, only to release them seconds later, a radiant smile on her face. She knew everything there was to know about them, from origins to eating habits, and she reveled in this useless knowledge. I never understood her adoration for them. Butterflies were weak, pathetic beings that could easily be crushed in the palm of my hand, and I detested them for that very reason. I hated how they never seemed to fight back, that all they knew how to do was stay just out of reach. I could never catch them on my own—Mother always had to catch them for me.

Xion reminded me of one of those butterflies—always just out of reach.

But now there was no one who could catch her for me.

I tried to corner her several times after the event on the roof, but to no avail. She must've noticed something about me that drover her away; she ignored me during English class so bluntly that I was made a fool out of several times by none other than the cowardly Mr. Hendrickson himself.

Luck was on my side, however, because soon enough I got my chance.

Chemistry class was one of the least boring classes that I had taken that year. Again, Terra had pestered me into taking it, but we ended up on opposite days. Still, I didn't mind chemistry, because, although it hadn't happened yet, things were almost _always_ in danger of blowing up.

Our teacher, Mr. Even Tetradeum, was a creepy tall guy with long locks of blond hair. Seriously, if the guy was trying to look cool, he was failing. He wasn't a bad teacher though; at least he wasn't breathing down your neck every second of the day. He just gave us a lab assignment to complete and then sat there behind his computer monitor with an evil grin on his face.

"Today," he informed us in his increasingly strange vocabulary, "we are deprived of two of our students. Hence, some of you will temporarily be compiled as lab partners…Tidus Jecht with Yuna Lesca,"—there was a loud "_Yeah!" _from somewhere behind me—"Vanitas Hunter with Xion Rakiel."

Xion looked visibly pale as she made her way towards me. Since no one really idolized my company, I had two combined desks all to myself. At the moment, Xion took her seat beside me, holding onto her notebook—the very same, annoying black one—for dear life.

I tried not to look too interested. "So what are we supposed to be doing today?"

Of course, Xion didn't answer.

I sighed. "You must have written it somewhere."

Xion laid a single sheet of notebook paper between us. I rolled my eyes and glanced at the title.

_What the hell does acidity mean?_

My usual lab partner was this wimp of a kid who always managed to do everything without me having to bat an eyelash. I'd been hoping Xion would be the same, but I soon discovered otherwise, when she refused to do anything unless I accompanied her. She made sure to keep her distance, nevertheless, as if I would suddenly, spontaneously lose control of my body and hit her. Not that I hadn't grabbed her collar and yanked her towards me once before, but I felt slightly offended. At least I didn't smell.

We worked in complete silence, unlike the other students who chatted away mindlessly with their numerous friends. Mr. Tetradeum would look up every so often, and the class would quiet down slightly—but today a certain duo behind us just _couldn't_ keep their voices down.

"No, Lea, we're not supposed to be using the Bunsen burner for this lab," Isa was insisting.

"Oh c'mon," Lea answered indolently, "let me handle this one. Vexen isn't looking!"

Their constant arguing was beginning to ruin my newfound dream of not punching certain redheads in the face.

"Lea, wait—_we don't know what that could do!_"

Too late.

Seconds later a loud explosion prompted several high-pitched screams from around the room. The famous redhead was bent double, laughing hysterically; his blue-haired companion's face was coated in black soot.

"This isn't funny," Isa stated through gritted teeth.

Lea shook his head. "Are you kidding? This is the funniest thing that happened all year! Ever heard of icing on the cake?"

Moments later Lea was bolting out of the room with Isa hot on his tail. Some of the boys had begun an array of hooting that drowned out _Vexen's_ futile attempts to calm us down. I was laughing my ass off along with the rest of them. Even Xion, the girl with no happy emotions, seemed to find something to giggle at. I gave her a sideways look, and her cheeks flushed.

I grinned. _Alright, progress._

Someone else's voice could be heard booming from the hallway. "Stop running in the halls! This is your last warning!" Leon, the head prefect, had joined the chase. The trio of runners passed the door more than once—Lea and Isa in danger of crashing into one another with Leon struggling to keep up—and each time the class would cheer. It wasn't hard to tell that they were all egging Lea on.

The authorities "sorted out" the "problem" half an hour later. A red-faced Mrs. Caramel was reprimanding a still chuckling Lea while Isa went to finally go wash his face. All-in-all, it had been a nice break from everything that had been happening recently, and I left class marginally happier than when I'd walked through the doors.

* * *

><p>Most people would find it hard to understand, but Xion's tiny expression of happiness had heightened my hopes of finding out what made her so sad in the first place. Alright, "sad" might not be the best term to describe it but I just couldn't think of another way to.<p>

But Xion wasn't stupid—she knew I'd caught her in the act, and she anticipated an attack. No matter how many times I tried to confront her, she always managed to slip away.

It was one of these many endeavors that found me walking down the hallway during class, hoping to catch her alone, when sudden footsteps caused me to jerk to a halt and turn into the first room that came into view.

"Hey, Goldie."

For once, Seifer's voice didn't send me into a fit of anger. Although I have to admit, I hadn't expected him to challenge me in the boy's bathroom, of all places.

"What _now_, Seifer?" I asked, drying my hands as if I'd been there all along. But whatever I was going to say next died in my throat when I saw the look on Seifer's face. For once, he didn't look absolutely furious.

"Look," he started, leaning against one of the empty stalls, "I just wanted to say…that I'm done. With the fighting…and everything else."

I don't know what possessed me to ask, "Why?"

Seifer looked uneasy. This was getting weirder and weirder. "Something…came up. And I've realized I need to stop with these childish games. I've been trying not to pick on anyone ever since I came back from suspension."

I raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

Seifer obviously heard the doubt in my voice. "Yeah."

"So what happened to your lackies?" I questioned. "Did they ditch you when you became _uncool_?" I don't know why I was so set on making this guy mad.

I can be such a fucking idiot sometimes.

Sure enough, anger flared up in the blond's eyes. But he got over it surprisingly quick, shaking his head. "No, Vanitas. Unlike your 'friend,' mine stick by me when I need them."

I wasn't expecting that. I watched, openmouthed, as Seifer left with as much dignity as one can have when leaving a bathroom. And then I couldn't help but let out a flood of choice swear words.

This Terra thing was driving me nuts.

I'd been completely avoiding him ever since the speech in the cafeteria. We barely looked at each other, let alone spoke. But even so, I was continuously reminded of what I had started to lose. A few days after the incident, I had a short run-in with Riku in the library. It may be hard to believe, but I had escaped to that barren place once again, only this time I wasn't sure why.

"Vanitas?"

Riku was staring at me, open book in hand.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, the library isn't really my place of power," I admitted. "But my risk to visit says much about me, doesn't it?"

Riku cleared his throat. Evidently, he (_couldn't take a joke_) knew about the fight between me and his brother, but he didn't dare mention it. "Uh, so, how've you been?"

"Oh, brilliant," I answered, "I've been having the best fucking time of my life."

Riku looked down. "Sorry."

"Why the hell are you apologizing, dumbass?"

Riku shook his head, at a loss for words.

"Alright, kid, I'm outta here." I turned to go.

"Wait!" Suddenly Riku's hand was on my shoulder. I looked up at him, and he withdrew it hastily. The guy seemed to have some difficulty speaking. "About…about that girl you mentioned…"

I waited for him to go on. Did he mean Xion?

He paused, and then shook his head. "Never mind."

"Whatever, man. See you later. Tell Terr—" I stopped. "See ya, Riku."

Riku gave me a sad smile. Pity—again. "Bye, Vanitas."

* * *

><p>After several more failed attempts to find the phantom girl, I decided it was time to visit Alida again. I wasn't looking forward to it, especially after our last meeting. Now that she knew why I had asked for Seifer's location last time, she probably wouldn't divulge any more information very easily. I'd probably have to kick it up a notch to get anything out of her. She was somewhat of a nuisance; usually a simple, seductive grin and a wink would do the job.<p>

Usually.

The flaxen woman looked up from her desk and grimaced when I entered the room. I'd only just closed the door when she began shaking her head furiously. "No, Vanitas. No more. Go away, I'm not helping you."

I took my time walking over to her desk. I had to do this carefully or I would lose my chance. "Come on, Alida," I murmured, leaning in close to her face, "you know you want to."

Alida shook her head again, but didn't say anything—a sign that she was already falling into my trap.

"I need info on a Xion—"

"No."

"—Rakiel. I need to know—"

"_Vanitas._ I'm not helping you get information on some weird girl who doesn't even—"

"How do you know?" I interrupted her suddenly. _She didn't even touch her keyboard._

She looked startled. "About…what?"

"About Xion." I leaned forward again, scrutinizing her every reaction. "You just called her 'some weird girl.'"

Alida turned red, stammering feeble excuses for her slip-up. "I mean, I was just assuming… I didn't really think about… I…"

"Why 'weird?'" I mused, ignoring her sputtering. "What did she do that made you think that way?"

"Oh, nothing really," Alida answered automatically, "she's just in the counseling office so much that I—" She stopped again, this time covering her mouth when she realized she'd been giving away just the info I'd been demanding from her.

_Counseling office? _Why was Xion paying frequent visits to her counselor? Was it because of her "speech impediment?" Of course, that was probably it. The school was 'concerned' about her well-being. I wondered if they'd gotten anything out of her so far. Maybe the answers I'd been looking for had been under my nose all this time.

"Hey, Alida, do you think I could get a copy of Xion's counselor's files? I mean…" I stopped short when I realized that Alida was glaring at me.

I'd lost my chance.

* * *

><p>The distance between the administration room and the roof was too much for me not to complain about. I'd been skipping class repeatedly, but they could never figure out where I'd gone (those idiots) and Alida was too scared for her job to rat me out. So far the roof had become my safe haven, a place for me to escape to when all I desired was to get away from everything.<p>

I should've known this was where I would find a certain raven-haired girl. Xion was leaning against the railings, looking down at who-knows-what, when my voice startled her into turning around.

"You thinking about jumping off now?" I joked.

Xion's expression was nowhere close to what I had expected. Instead of the indifferent look I'd thought I'd see, her face was covered in tears.

"Are you serious? What is with you and your emotions?" I moved towards her cautiously, scratching the back of my head. Maybe counseling hadn't been such a bad idea on the school's part. "This is the second time I've caught you crying, you know. _And_ you're on the roof again. Have you been following me or something? Wouldn't think you to be the stalking type. but I swear I saw you outside my house a few weeks ago."

Xion wiped her face with the back of her sleeve, and another question rose to my lips. "Why do you wear such oversized clothes anyway? Your shirt is about to slip right off you!" I paused. "Not that I would mind, of course."

Xion turned visibly red, and I shot her a grin. "Alright, that's better. So you wanna tell me about this problem? I'll listen; I don't really have a choice, do I? It's not like I'm going back in _there._" I walked past her, my hands closing around the banisters.

The girl beside me had frozen at my sudden arrival, but now she leaned against the metal rails beside me, and for once her silence wasn't out-of-place.

I wondered how long it had been since Xion had experienced an actual conversation; more than just head shaking and pointing. There had to be a reason she had stopped _talking, _of all things. Something had made her never want to utter a single word ever again.

"Hey," I started softly, even though I knew I would never get an answer, "Why…would you tell me you had something to hide…if you never planned on telling me what it was? Unless…you actually _wanted_ to tell me?"

Xion considered this for a second, and then shrugged.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean? Was that an 'I don't know' or 'you're insane but I'll pretend you're not'?"

Xion chuckled and held up two fingers.

"_What? _Really? The _second_ option?" But I was laughing. It was strange; I'd been searching for this girl desperately in order to find out what she'd been hiding, but now that I had my chance, I couldn't help but fool around. I was actually _enjoying _myself. It was something like—what had Lea called it?—the "icing on the cake." Although I've never really been a fan of icing.

Xion looked at me suddenly, pointing at my face and stopping my raucous laughter.

"Huh?"

Using her thumb and index finger to emphasize her smile, Xion gestured at my face again and made a thumbs-up sign. All I could do was stare back blankly.

Xion shook her head and sighed, clearly giving up. Before I could ask her what she was trying to tell me, we heard the muffled sound of the school bell signaling the end of the day, and I found myself, once again, staring at Xion's back as she pirouetted away.

Only when I was on my way home—on my awesomely shiny motorcycle—did the realization finally hit me, and send me into endless thoughts afterward.

"_You look good when you smile."_

* * *

><p><strong>I enjoyed writing this chapter. Can you guess why? I'm just a sucker for VanShion—if you didn't already know.<strong>

**The Dismotivator: "Did you give surnames to everyone or only the important characters? Just wonderin'"**

Actually, I'm kind of making them up as I go along, xD In this chapter, Even/Vexen's last name, Tetradeum, came from the greek word for the number four. Vanitas' last name just came as I was typing. He's a hunter, in a way, so I suppose it's not too far off. Tidus and Yuna's last names in this story are also made up, if you didn't realize that, or wasn't aware of Final Fantasy X characters anyway.

**"What the heck is up with Zexion?"**

It took me a while to figure out who would take the place of the character Zexion took the place of. Although it may not be a major plot point, his name did come to me when thinking of "Xion" but after a while his personality fit perfectly. As for everything else, you'll just have to wait and see.

"**The number of the reviews on this story is way too low."**

I'm flattered that you think this story deserves more reviews. I'll be honest here and say that sometimes I come across a story that has over 200 reviews, but the plot isn't nearly as serious as some of my stories or the chapters in general just seem to be slapped together last-minute. I'm not going to say it doesn't frustrate me, but I never felt that there was anything I could do to change it. After I read your review, I went back and pulled out another paragraph from the story to put in the summary. If you aren't too busy, could you judge me on the present summary and tell me what you think of it? And if, it still doesn't seem to have the essence of the story, you could suggest another paragraph from somewhere within the story that could be placed as a summary. I know this is a lot to ask, so you don't have to do it, but if you feel up to it, it would be greatly appreciated. :)

**And now, I'm afraid I must go. It feels nice to be updating a story regularly now. In fact, if you guys want to check it out, I've been reassessing my story, "Something to Fight For" which is a RikuxOC with Riku as the main character. I haven't updated it in a while but I will be doing so either today or tomorrow, so feel free to check it out if you haven't already.**

**On that note, au revoir my lovely readers! Until next time!**

**~DestinyCrusader**


	10. Chapter 10: Walls

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy. They belong to Square Enix and other respective owners.**

**Without further ado…**

* * *

><p><em>Bête Noire<em>

_Chapter Ten: Walls_

"_Vanitas, would you please go water the plants for me?"_

"_I will, Mom, just a sec!"_

"_What are you doing, honey? Writing those silly songs again?"_

_I rolled my eyes. "They're not silly!"_

"_Of course not." Smiling, my mother appeared in my bedroom doorway, dishcloth in hand. "I knew introducing you to the piano was a good idea."_

_I got to my feet, giving my mother an bitter look. "Just because _you're _a piano-playing freak doesn't mean I'm one too, Mom."_

_The tall raven-haired woman in my doorway gave a fake gasp, which I disregarded easily as I tried to push past her._

"_Sorry to bother you again, Vani, but I don't feel too well today," she tried to explain, ruffling my hair apologetically._

_I sighed and shook my head. "It's alright, Mom. No problem. Is…Dad back yet?"_

_My mother stiffened. "No, not yet."_

"_Good." I marched past her before she tried to defend that vile man in any way. It sickened me, the way she tried to make him sound like a good person._

_Seconds later, she was screaming._

* * *

><p>I woke up in a cold sweat. The nightmares had been coming more often now, and I couldn't understand why. No matter what kind of memories they were—good or bad—they always ended with the sound of my mother screaming for help, for me to save her. And I was always too late. This was the first time I'd woken up before I'd even gotten the chance.<p>

Running a hand through hair that was now matted with sweat, I fell back in bed, my eyes trying to find solace in the dark. The unknown comforted me more than it should.

* * *

><p>After taking a quick shower in freezing cold water, I made myself breakfast out of what was left in the fridge. Locating the bread was easy—I always remembered to buy bread, but I got pretty pissed when I couldn't find any grape jelly, and I ended up having toast for breakfast instead. It's funny how unexpected things like that happened to me all the time.<p>

It was finally Saturday, and I was free of all the problems that came with school—namely Terra. The guy was starting to get on my nerves. I stopped trying to get his attention in math, and now both of us sat across from each other in gloomy silence, which was very annoying.

Cloud, for some stupid reason, didn't trust me with a motorbike on weekends. Since I wasn't supposed to work on weekends, there was "no point for me to have one." I was sure Cloud knew that the bike was my only means of transportation, and that he was only doing this to piss me off. It was working.

Shrugging on my jacket, I got a _pleasant _surprise when I walked out my door in hopes of getting a cup of coffee from the nearby Starbucks—

White, endless white, blanketed the streets.

_Snow._

I tried really hard not to gag.

Somewhere over the trees I could hear Christmas carols. I felt bile rising up to my throat. Christmas was tomorrow. No matter where I went, people would be laughing, celebrating.

Stuffing my hands into my pockets, I trudged through the snow to Starbucks. If I went there and back fast enough, I wouldn't have to deal with any "holiday cheer," and that would be the end of it.

_Easier said than done._

The first few seconds were reassuringly eventless. But as soon as I took my fifth step (_five—I always hated that number_) a little girl plowed right into me, her laughter transforming into loud howls almost immediately even though I was the one who had been knocked over.

"Can it, kid!" I yelled at her, getting to my feet. The little girl looked up in surprise, her screeches coming to a sudden halt.

I looked down at her. "I'm not helping you up, you little maggot."

The girl sniffed before standing up. She had a bandana tied around her forehead—something that I hadn't noticed before.

"I'm not a…a maggot," she declared, her brown eyes suddenly flaring in anger. She stood with her hands on her hips, straight black hair framing either side of her face. She couldn't have been older than four. "I'm a ninja!"

"Sure you are." I replied sarcastically. "That's why I can see you, right? Aren't ninjas supposed to be invisible, idiot?"

The girl looked affronted, but struggled with what I had told her. I laughed. "Not a ninja after all, huh?"

The girl's lower lip quivered. I was suddenly afraid she would burst into tears again when a strangely familiar voice prompted the girl into looking around for the source.

"Yuffie!"

A tall young woman in black clothes and combat boots ran through the snow, reaching us faster than I expected.

The little girl, Yuffie, looked frightened for the first time since crashing into me, and I was forced to assume this was her mother.

The woman frowned at her daughter austerely. "I've told you so many times not to wander off! It's dangerous!" She looked up regretfully. "I'm sorry; she tends to get out of hand."

"Whatever." I was about to leave when the woman glared at me.

"I apologized, didn't I? What more do you want?" the woman demanded.

Surprised at her sudden disapproval, I wasn't able to come up with a coherent reply. The women shook her head at me before her expression suddenly creased into puzzlement. "Wait… You seem familiar. You're…Vanitas?"

"How did you know that?" I snapped.

"Tifa," said the woman, glaring daggers again. She shared her daughter's intelligent brown eyes. "I'm Cloud's wife."

"You're…" my mouth fell open._ Tifa. Cloud's Wife. Zack. Cloud's Wife!_

_I'm such a fucking moron._

Tifa and Cloud! Zack was their guard! How could I have been so stupid? It was right in front of my face! And now I'd probably ruined my chances of ever working with Strife Delivery Service again, thanks to my idiocy.

"I… I'm sorry," I stuttered, hoping to fix some of the damage I had caused. To my dismay, Tifa had already turned around, dragging her daughter along with her. I felt sorry for the poor ninja.

"Wait!" I called after her, pitifully trying to catch up to her increasingly fast pace, "I didn't mean to offend you, lady!"

Tifa laughed mockingly. "_Lady_, huh? I'm only twenty-five, boy. Don't go calling me 'lady!'"

I sighed. My legs were beginning to ache. "My _apologies._"

"Not sincere enough."

_What is with this crazy bitch? How the hell did Cloud end up _married _to her? A gun to his head?_

"Look, I'm sorry, alright?" I tried once more, "Won't happen again."

Tifa found my recurring apologies deeply amusing (judging from her jeering laughter), and she continued to march without so much as a glance behind her. By the time I reached the gates to the house, I was panting. She had already vanished behind the door.

Zack gave me a weird look. "You were following Tifa?"

I tried to run past him but his arm shot out and stopped me so fast it nearly smashed my beautiful face in.

"_Hey!_" I protested.

Zack looked at me sternly. I kept forgetting he was an adult too.

"Can I _please _pass?"

The guard looked surprised. "You said 'please.'"

I sighed in defeat. "Yes. I'm freaking trying to apologize to that 'Tifa' in there."

Zack raised an eyebrow. "For what, dare I ask?"

I threw up my hands. "I don't know, idiot. Talking, I suppose."

Zack chuckled. "Talking like _that, _you mean. Since when do you take time to apologize to people? _On Saturdays?_"

I shrugged. "Since I got a job?"

The freakishly tall man looked confused. "What do you mean?"

I had the strangest boss in the whole world. I should have realized earlier that he was the same Cloud, though. I mean, who the hell names their kid "Cloud?"

"I work for Strife Delivery Service," I told him nonchalantly. "That's why you haven't seen me around as often."

"I see." Zack gave me an almost-serious nod. "Congratulations, kid. Oh, and don't worry, Tifa can be a little…"

"…crazy?"

Zack smirked. "I was gonna say hot-headed. Cloud wouldn't fire you over something like _this._"

"You sure? You're just his guard; how can I trust you?"

"I'm his friend too, y'know," Zack said, obviously offended. "We went to the same college together, man!"

I laughed. So, while his friend had ended up starting a whole company under his name, Zack had gotten stuck guarding houses.

Zack seemed to know I was laughing at him. He raised his eyebrows, arms crossed, but decided to say nothing—thankfully. 'Cause that guy can _talk._

I shot one last glance at the front door of the house. "You sure she won't make a big deal out of this?"

Zack grinned instantly. "Oh _she _will, but Cloud's used to that kind of thing by now, so I wouldn't worry too much if I were you. I mean, he _hired _you, didn't he?"

"Ha-ha, very funny."

"Hellooo..."

I staggered sideways, gawking at the sudden arrival of a petite young woman holding an overflowing basket of flowers. She gave me an unnecessarily warm smile before turning to Zack.

"Hey, Aerith!" The goofy smile was back, and I wondered if this girl was somewhat special to the pretentious Zack Fair. He was, in fact, talking animatedly to her, even offering to "escort" her to the front door, which was only a few feet away. She accepted in the midst of giggles, and I rolled my eyes at how easily the guard had left his post.

I considered standing in the irritatingly cheery man's stead, just in case some random burglar decided to pass by in broad daylight—but decided otherwise. I wasn't gonna bust my neck for some wacko who wasn't even going to appreciate the effort. I tugged at a loose strand of my hair hanging in front of my face and turned to leave.

"Vanitas, right?"

I'd honestly forgotten about Zack's skimpy little assistant. But the small boy stared at me with such distaste that I couldn't pass it on as a coincidence.

"You got a bone to pick with me, pipsqueak?"

Denzel's hateful gaze didn't waver. "I do, actually."

I pushed back my sleeves. "Bring it on."

"Why were you asking about Xion?"

My mouth fell open. "Wha… So you _do _know her!"

Denzel turned red. "I never said…"

"Oh c'mon!" I threw my hands in the air. "How come every single fucking person seems to know her but me?"

The "assistant guard" looked confused. "I thought you _did _know her."

"I know who she is, you dumbass! I just have no idea what's going on inside her fucking head!"

Denzel winced. "She still isn't talking?"

"Of course not, I—" _Wait. _"What do you mean, _still?_"

"She used to talk, you know," Denzel told me haughtily, "Did you think she was like this ever since she was born, stupid?"

I glowered at him. "Look kid, you're either going to tell me what you know, or—"

"Or what?" Denzel challenged, "You're going to beat me up?"

"You're asking for it, kid."

"I'm not a kid," Denzel drawled disinterestedly, "And I'll tell you whatever you want. I hate her, anyway."

"Xion?" _How could someone hate Xion? _"And why would that be?"

Denzel turned away. "There's more than one reason."

* * *

><p>My quest to rid myself of going after Xion's past was long forgotten. After hearing several troubling statements from the annoying little boy, I decided to call it a day and get to Starbucks before some other person decided to barrel into me. I needed time to think. And besides, the Christmas carols blasting in my ears were starting to eat away any patience left in me. If I stayed out there any longer, I would've gone on a rampage.<p>

I continued to trudge through the snow in my pursuit to get some real breakfast, hands cold even though I'd buried them in my pockets again. I obviously wasn't thinking straight, though, since I passed the coffee shop several times before I finally realizing where I was.

A bell tinkled somewhere as I entered the store. The place was buzzing with Christmas cheer—holiday songs, red and green streamers everywhere; just what I'd wanted to get away from. Keeping my eyes down, I paid no attention to the people already in line and placed twenty bucks on the counter. "A coffee and a bagel, stat."

The curvy woman behind the cash register gave me an irritated glare, but my gaze didn't waver. Eventually, she gave in to the fiery pits that were my eyes and got me what I wanted.

I took an empty table near the corner of the store, my coffee too hot, my bagel too crunchy. I was like that grumpy old guy that everyone stared at but no one dared to try conversing with. When I was done, I got to my feet rather grudgingly, knowing that I'd have to go walk through ten feet of snow _again _if I wanted to get out of this cursed place. I was beginning to think that coming here had been a bad idea.

"Mommy! Mommy! I want _that _doughnut! The one with the chocolate sprinkles on it!"

There was a loud giggle in response. "Yes, honey, of course!"

I found myself staring at a little boy tugging at his mother's sleeve. He was a pathetic little thing, with thin arms and eyes so green I knew he'd be bullied for them. But he was an image of purity and innocence—something I was sure _I _never had been.

* * *

><p>"<em>Back so early?"<em>

It was about time I did the dishes. _Yeah, Mom. I'm back._

* * *

><p>I didn't do shit for the rest of the day. After several failed attempts to clean up years' worth of mess, I gave up. Predictably. Around noon I found myself staring out the window, watching people pass by; something I'd done when I was young to drown out my parent's loud voices. Back then I used to think it was the loudest thing in the world. I was wrong to think that.<p>

Silence rings louder than anything else in this house.

It was hours later when something moderately peculiar caught my eye. I'd subconsciously focused my gaze on where I'd seen Xion, and strangely enough, that was where I saw the phantom girl once again. Only this time, she was running. I watched, mesmerized, as she tripped over the cracks on the sidewalk, falling over only to scramble back to her feet. She kept checking behind her. It took me too long to realize she was being chased.

It took me two seconds to get to the door and another second to wrench it open. I ran onto the street in nothing but a T-shirt and jeans, eyes darting around furiously. I caught her as she ran. And, before she could protest, we were both in my kitchen, breathing heavily, eyes locked.

"What's going on?" I asked, wiping the cold from my face. "Who the hell were you running away from?"

She didn't get the chance to respond, because just then a flood harsh knocks sounded at me door. Her head whipped towards the noise, a soft gasp fleeing her lips.

Her assailant?

I grabbed Xion's arm, ignoring the way she tried to free herself from my grasp, as if I were something revolting. I flung her onto my bed before quickly shutting the door.

I tried to get myself in order, preparing myself for whoever had been running after Xion for reasons I was dying to know.

I yanked the door open. My eyes widened as they met those of an all too familiar turquoise-blue.

"_You!_"

"Where's Xion?"

"Not here."

Riku stared around the room, obviously suspicious. He appeared breathless, his long hair falling in a mess over his eyes, and I wondered for the thousandth time how he tolerated it. He stepped forward, as if to make a point, his eyes searching mine with a strange desperation. I clenched my hands into fists and glared at him, keeping my emotions in check. I couldn't give myself away. I couldn't allow him to find her, not in the state she was in. Guilt gnawed at my conscience but, as always, I was able to disregard it. Instead I channeled my fury at the boy standing in my doorway, the very same doorway a certain raven-haired girl had been standing mere seconds ago.

"Why are you looking for her?" I questioned, my tone as demanding as I could muster, "And so desperately, too—You're out of breath."

Riku leaned against the doorframe, and I sensed he was letting his guard down, if only slightly. "I need…to talk to her."

I raised an eyebrow. "About?"

He looked away. "Something."

"And what the hell is this _something_?"

Riku flinched visibly. He wasn't making eye contact, and I was well aware of the reason. The phrase "eyes are the windows to the soul" was truer for Riku than anyone else. One could always know what he was thinking through his eyes, a weakness that he had never managed to overcome.

"Well she's not here. So get the fuck out of my house."

Riku spared me one last, fleeting look before promptly whirling around and strutting out of the house in the most unmanly way possible. As soon as the door closed and the lock clicked into place, I leaned against the wall and swept my hair backwards, an unwholesome feeling of relief crashing over me. But I couldn't be at ease; not yet.

Shooting one last look behind my shoulder, I shuffled back into my bedroom only to find that Xion was no longer curled up in a ball on my bed. The panic overtook me before I could get my thoughts in order, and I was suddenly ransacking my room, my eyes darting back and forth in vain. Where could she have gone? I burst out of my room, instantly dashing for the door only to find it still locked, undisturbed.

She was still in the house.

"Xion," I murmured, loud enough to echo around the kitchen but low enough to keep from alerting the neighbors, "there's no point in hiding. You know I'm going to find you."

My ears picked up slight whimpering that had risen in response to my words. Seconds later I was standing in front of the storage closet. She was crying.

Again.

You would think with her tough exterior she wouldn't cry as much, but Xion was something else. I sighed resignedly and tugged open the door. She was cowering in the corner, her knees pulled up against her chest, her face barely visible in the dark (the light bulb in the closet had long since fused). It was as if she feared I would attack her, but I couldn't quite fathom why she would assume such a thing in the first place. I stared down at her expressionlessly, considering my options.

"Look," I stated, "if you won't come out, I'm coming in."

She didn't even look at me. In a split second, I'd stepped into the small closet, pulling the door closed behind me and shrouding us both in complete darkness. I heard the slight intake of breath that meant Xion hadn't expected me to close myself in with her.

I sat down across from her, our legs touching in the measly amount of space. I could feel Xion trying to get away from me, but there was nowhere to go. I moved closer to her, imagining my fingers tracing her shoulders, her arms. I was tempted to see how far I could go before she stopped me. I wondered, suddenly, if she would even try.

When I'd first found out that she didn't speak, I'd assumed that she had walled herself in, just as I had. But I was beginning to realize that there were no walls at all. I didn't want to admit it, but with the way she was, someone could overtake her easily. And for some reason the thought made me want to punch something.

I pulled away, getting to my feet before I _did _give in to the temptation and go too far. The light that filtered in when I opened the closet door almost blinded me, but not as much as Xion's wide blue eyes, staring at me as if I'd actually taken advantage of her. I shook my head.

"C'mon. Get up."

This time Xion obeyed, slowly stepping out of the storage room, and it took me a moment to register she was still shaking. What I hadn't noticed before was that she wasn't in her usual, long-sleeved attire. Instead, she wore a button-up blouse, its sleeves uncharacteristically pushed up. My eyes flashed to her bare arms, and I could only stare at the dark red streaks running across them in neat, methodical rows.

Our gazes met at the same time, and I knew Xion was aware of my thoughts. She unfolded her sleeves hurriedly, covering the scars before I could have a better look at them. But I'd seen enough.

I didn't waste my breath. "Does your father know?"

Xion gasped, her glassy blue eyes locked on my own once again, brimming with shock and fear. I knew I'd given myself away with the word "father" and not "parents," but it didn't fucking matter anymore. Xion's eyes flickered towards the entrance, and she made a run for the door in a crazed sprint.

I was faster. I caught ahold of her wrist, pulling her back towards me.

"I wonder what he'll say," I went on, my grip tightening, "when I tell him his mute daughter has been cutting herself."

Xion shook her head vigorously.

"What? Will you try to stop me, Xion?" My words mirrored the ones I had said on the roof. But this time, the threat was clear. "What'll you do?"

New tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Anything?"

She bit her lip.

"You'll do _anything _to keep me from telling?" I was impressed. "What if I told you to go jump off a cliff, Xion? Would you do it?"

She looked frightened at the prospect, but nodded, her short hair shaking back and forth as she did so. She smelt like wilted roses, and something else I couldn't quite place.

Something…enticing.

"And if I told you to strip, right here and now?" I continued. "Would you?"

She stared at me with wide eyes, her pain real and unmistakable. But I wasn't done. Not yet. I pushed her backwards against the wall, leaning in so I could hear the sound of her quick-paced breathing. My volume fell. "What if I told you to have sex with me, Xion? Would you do it just to keep me quiet?" I could feel my voice getting huskier as I leaned in even closer, our foreheads almost touching. She was shivering harder than ever, but this only drove me forward. "_Tell me, Xion._"

With force I didn't know she had, Xion shoved me away from her, sapphire eyes glistening with tears. I knew I had gone too far—but it didn't matter. I watched in silence as she bolted from the room, her footsteps echoing down the hallway. I heard the front door slam with pronounced finality.

She was gone—maybe this time for good.

* * *

><p>"<em>There's more than one reason."<em>

_I'd rolled my eyes in response. Denzel was being ridiculously annoying. "Wanna share?"_

"_Are you gonna stick around here for a year?"_

"_You hate her _that _much?"_

"_Yeah… I do."_

"_Alright then, give me _one _reason. A real one."_

_He looked sad all of a sudden, as if remembering something he wanted to forget. "The girl I loved…she died."_

"_Big deal, stuff happens—"_

"_She was…murdered..."_

"_And this has something to do with—"_

"…_by Xion."_

* * *

><p><strong>Muaha. I feel almost evil.<strong>

**RoxasLuvsCookies: "Even though it's still not romantic and stuff, the sorta Vanshi fluff makes me smile."**

Aw, good to know, lol, I was smiling as I wrote it ;) I wonder what the very intense VanShion in this one made you feel like? I would _love _to know. *Holds flamethrower* This is your last chance to make up for missing reviews! Nah, I'm just kidding. It really isn't you're DUTY to review, but every time you do, I feel all happy inside, so please continue to do so :3

"**Just imagine Vanitas on his motorcyle thing, SHIRTLESS."**

Hahaha, Oh God, that image. It's now stuck in my head. But I like it. Very much. :O

**Dismotivator: "I'm happy about the update speed…"**

Believe me, you're not the first one to mention my update speed, ehehe. But I'm aiming to just maybe get this story done before school starts. It probably won't happen, but at least I won't have too much left by then. What I'm saying is, I'll be updating once a week, so I don't think it's too fast. That's just me, I suppose, especially when I've been putting off a lot of stories and I used to update like once every month O.o And I sure hope I'm not a _broken _vending machine, because really, reviews are like dollar bills to me, except much more precious, aha.

**Chemistry class. I'm assuming Xion wrote "What the hell does acidity mean?"**

Eheh, *awkward silence* actually that was just Vanitas' thought. I think on general Xion is probably doing better in school despite her, ah, speech impediment.

"**I think it's because Xion and Van seem to communicate fine with only one working tongue."**

Congrats, you succeeded in making me laugh for two minutes straight. xD

"**Geez, I sound like the story's about to end. But I feel that we're not even halfway done, are we?"**

Nope.

"**Now for the summary. I won't talk about it on a review, but with a PM, since I don't wanna use up too much of your review space."**

Never got one? Lol.

**Well, that's it for review responses. I don't usually say this, but for this chapter, I'd really like to know your thoughts because I tried a lot of tricky things in this one, and it did give me several problems. Although, I really enjoyed it too (*evil cackle*)**

**Until next weekend!**

**~DC**


	11. Chapter 11: Reverie

**Guys! I'm alive! Sorry, I'm bad with jokes. That aside, however, I do sincerely apologize for the late update, and hope my hard work on this chapter makes up for it.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Square Enix (Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy) or anything Disney.**

**WARNING: T for language. Vulgar Vanitas-speech is inevitable.**

* * *

><p><em>Bête Noire<em>

_Chapter 11: Reverie_

Xion was a murderer. _Just like me._

I didn't want to believe it, but it _made sense_. If Xion really had killed someone, it would explain her sudden desire to keep her mouth shut—remorse. But that posed yet another question: why cut herself? Terra had told me once that most of the time it was done to feel in control, even if the person didn't realize it. Didn't killing someone point to control? It was something only you could do, unless…it had been unintentional? But that didn't fit either; would Denzel even have called it "murder" if it had been accidental?

There was another thing that had been bugging me. Xion had been running, from none other than the weak-willed Riku. What's more, she wasn't even wearing one of her characteristic oversized shirts. Which meant…she had left in a hurry—left her _house _in a hurry? Had Riku somehow found out where she lived?

I was suddenly jealous. _Maybe I should ask him for some pointers._

Of course, there was also the fact that Xion was _not _in jail. This meant that; one, the murder had been accidental; or two, she'd gotten away with the deed—which would make her more like me than I ever could have imagined.

Ever since Xion had left, I hadn't moved an inch from where I stood. Now I leaned against the wall, thinking. Was I being an idiot, basing all these theories on the words of some baby-faced kid? Maybe everything I knew so far was wrong. Still, I could've sworn I'd seen guilt in her eyes when I'd seen her scars. She'd looked at me as if I'd caught her doing something wrong; cutting _was _wrong. And stupid, because it didn't solve anything and the scars would just become an annoyance. I wasn't that much of a fool to go around slitting my own wrists, when I'd already experienced pain far worse than the physical kind.

I was starting to wish I'd paid the internet bill. Not that I could've, but still. I might have found something useful to base my empty theories on.

A part of me wanted to call Terra. He was always telling me off for jumping to conclusions. He would know what to make of this…this…_mess. _For a second I was tempted to call him again, but decided against it. I'd been his fucking charity case anyway; no point mourning over his loss.

At some point I realized that no matter how much I tried to fool myself, I didn't know Xion Rakiel at all. I was just another jerk in her life, and I'd now become just another guy that she would rather forget. But for a moment, I'd felt something. Up on that rooftop, where I had considered jumping to finally end it all, where Xion had perhaps thought the same thing, I'd felt…alive again; real, not just some washed out colors of the past.

"_Vani, are you okay?"_

"_Yeah, Mom…" I answered shakily. "Fine…"_

_Her arms found their way around me._

"_He didn't…?"_

_I knew what she was trying to say. I swallowed, shaking my head. _

"_No," I replied, with a little more confidence. "A…almost…"_

_She sighed in evident relief and pulled me closer, kissing the top of my head. "Thank goodness…"_

I was a better liar back then.

* * *

><p>I woke up early the next morning, ironically. It was ironic, because I'd never actually woken up early on Christmas. There were never any screams of excitement, any squeals of "It's Christmas, Vanitas, wake up!" There was never a Christmas tree, no presents. Just a ghost of a smile on my mother's face, and regret—lots of regret.<p>

I never questioned her, or asked why we never did what all the other kids in my class would tell stories about. There were no family reunions, no celebrations. Christmas was always nonexistent in our household.

You can't miss what you never had.

She did try, sometimes. She would sneak out at night occasionally and get me something nice. Maybe she was trying to assure me that I wasn't as different from everyone as I thought I was.

But it was all a lie. We _were _different, and she could do nothing to hide it.

"_I wanted to protect you."_

She died in vain.

Before I could drown myself in more depressing thoughts, my brand new cellphone (_hell yeah, the perks to having a job) _rang in my pocket.

I groaned, but in reality I'd been saved. I pressed the phone against my ear, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. "Who the hell is this?"

"Your boss."

I was suddenly wide awake. "Uh, sorry. My bad."

"Yeah, your bad." He was laughing, that dick. "Listen, Vanitas, would it be alright if you worked for me today? I know it's Christmas and all, but—"

"Sure," I interrupted. "Fine by me."

Cloud was silent on the other end. "You don't have any plans?"

"Nope."

"I see." Another pause. "Alright. You'll be here in an hour or so, I expect?"

_Yeah, 'cause you have my bike, asshole. _"OK."

He hung up.

Since I hadn't dragged my lazy butt to any store the day before, I was still out of breakfast supplies. Or any other kind of supplies. So it looked like I would have to make another trip to Starbucks, no matter how much I hated the thought of doing so.

This time around, however, I ran into someone I didn't quite despise.

The guy was sitting alone for once, sipping what looked like iced tea. He waved me over, as I walked in, but for once I didn't escape his company.

The redhead smiled at me as if we were the best of friends. Unlike Riku, he didn't seem fazed at all by his brother's current relationship with me.

"Lea," I greeted.

"Vani!" he screamed back, grinning so widely it could cut his face in half. I suppressed the urge to strangle him and sat down.

"How've ya been?" he asked, leaning back in his seat.

I shrugged. I hadn't really conversed with him since the annoyingly public argument. I remembered now…something peculiar about that day.

"Hey," I spoke up, disregarding his useless question. "What do you know about Xion Rakiel?"

Something flickered across his expression. "What?" He smiled nervously. "Don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure you do." I glared at him. "That day you asked me about her. Do you know her?"

Unlike some other people I know, Lea wasn't ready to give in so easily. "I don't remember anything of the sort."

I raised an eyebrow. "You said her full name."

"Did I?"

The need to close my hands around his throat was getting stronger. "Yes. What are you trying to hide?"

"Nothing!" he said in his best come-at-me-voice.

I shook my head. "This isn't a game, Lea. I need to know."

"You _need_ to?"

"Yes."

"And what happens if I don't tell you, eh?"

I closed my hands into fists. "You're gonna be in for a lot of pain."

He shook his head. "No, I meant, what happens to _you_?"

Something had lodged itself into my throat. Maybe my half-eaten bagel. "What…?"

"You heard me right." He was sneering again. "You've been really into this girl for a while, haven't you?"

"Spit it out, loser."

"Do you _like _her, huh? Do ya?"

I scoffed at him. "What gave you that idea?"

He shrugged. "You've been just _desperate _to know more about her, and you do seem to be spending a lot of time with her. I'm pretty sure you were actually _smiling _that day in science class."

I swore under my breath. "Was not."

"Don't try to hide it, Vanitas. It's not an everyday thing you get to see the devil smile, y'know." He grinned evilly at my expression. "Hey, I'm not trying to anger you. Look, I'll tell you about Xion. But you gotta do something in return."

"What the hell do you want from me, Lea?"

"Admit it." His eyes were gleaming. "Admit you like her, and I'll tell ya."

"Not gonna happen."

"Why not?" he persisted. "You in denial?"

"Nope. Just not gonna play your stupid games." I stood up.

"Wait." The playfulness was gone from his eyes. "Alright, I'll tell you."

"No conditions?"

"No conditions."

I dropped back into my seat. "Speak."

Lea stared down at the table. "I know her from before I got adopted."

One would think this would be a sore subject, but apparently not for Lea. "We were in most of the same classes. I wouldn't really call us friends…" He paused, as though holding something back, "But I didn't really expect her to show up _here._"

"Why not?"

Lea shrugged vaguely and mumbled something.

"Huh?" I leaned in closer.

Lea sighed. "Back then…she used to talk."

I couldn't hide my surprise. "So you've heard her voice?"

Lea's emerald eyes met mine with some reluctance. "Well, yeah."

I felt a twinge of jealousy. "What…is it like?"

He looked alarmed at my question before his lips fell into a relaxed smile. "You _do _like her, don't ya?"

What a pointless query. "Why did she stop?" I asked. _Murder?_

"I have no idea," he answered, at ease again, "I sorta left before she stopped. It's kinda weird though…"

"How so?" I pressed. I was getting tired of asking questions.

Lea shook his head. "She was…different then. Happier."

_Happier…_

I stood up again. "Thanks, Lea."

"For what?"

"For telling me. Maybe… I can help her."

"Since when do _you _help people?" he joked.

I didn't answer immediately. "I don't know, man. I really…don't know."

"Hey, Vanitas?"

"Yeah?" I looked at him, a bit dazed.

"She's…good for ya."

"Good for me?"

Lea nodded. "Yeah. And uh… Merry Christmas. I think it's about time you get yourself a _real_ present."

He got to his feet and walked past me, touching my shoulder as he went. I was starting to think that maybe Lea wasn't that annoying after all.

* * *

><p>"You're late."<p>

I shot my boss a glare. "It's cause you have the bike, idio—sir."

"Idiot, huh?" Cloud chuckled. "Is this why Tifa was so angry yesterday?"

"She…she told you about that?" I felt embarrassed, for some reason. "Look, I didn't mean to offend her or anything…"

Cloud waved away my concerns. "It's alright, Vanitas. I hired you, didn't I?"

I gritted my teeth. _So the idiot guard was right._

The blond turned solemn again. "I apologize again for calling you in, especially today, but we have a few urgent deliveries and a lot of people were…"

"…Busy." I finished for him. "No problem." In fact, I was glad I would be riding again today. Anything to get all these confusing feelings off my shoulders.

Cloud narrowed his eyes at me. "You're not dressed warmly enough."

"Oh please," I replied, "As if I have more clothes to wear anyway."

"Whatever; don't say I didn't warn you. Here." Cloud dropped the keys into my hand. "But be careful, a lot of the roads are iced over. So don't go too fast."

I rolled my eyes. "Sure."

He fixed me with a cold stare. "I'm serious, Vanitas. I don't want any accidents today."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be careful," I told the guy, and when he still didn't stop leering, I added, "promise."

He finally relented, his icy glare melting back to its usual warmth. He gave me one last nod before turning around and stalking back into his office.

I tossed the keys into the air and caught them again. Some people could be so paranoid sometimes.

Walking over to my bike, which Cloud had given me the luxury of bringing outside, I allowed Lea's words to bounce around in my skull one last time. _"She's…good for you."_

_I beg to differ. _Nothing was good for me. And I was good for nothing except pulling the occasional genius prank. It was something I had almost prided myself with. But not anymore.

Not…anymore.

It was a relief to finally get to ride again. The handlebars were a bit colder than expected but otherwise okay. I took a deep breath, and the bike roared to life under me.

I checked the address taped to the front of my bike. Not far. And I seemed to be delivering some bottles of perfume. _A last minute present, I expect. _I snorted. Poor moron must have a scary wife.

As promised, I took my time with the delivery. I didn't go too fast for once, slowing at sharp turns and keeping my eyes out for moron pedestrians who were too deaf to hear a bike coming around the corner.

I stopped at a remote house near the edge of a hill. As "standard procedure," I took the package in my hand as I strode up to the door. The doorbell seemed to be broken—it looked like somebody had _punched _it—so I had to knock, which was annoying because the friction ended up scraping _even more _of the skin off my knuckles.

It looked like no one was going to answer, and I turned to leave when I heard muffled voices from inside the house. _Déjà vu _or what? But the voices weren't arguing, like the last time it had happened.

"Elena, get the door."

"I'm in the bathroom, Tseng!"

There were some more muffled words—curses, I guessed—and the door swung open to reveal who else but a man dressed in a police uniform. I almost sprinted away out of habit.

"Your delivery, sir." I held it out to him. He had a stern face, and angular features with a dot in the middle of his forehead. Fucking weirdest police officer I had ever seen.

"Ah yes, thank you." He took it from me and turned to leave, but paused at the last moment to look at me with raised eyebrows. "Have I seen you before, young man?"

"No, you haven't." And I was gone before he could figure it out.

There. I'd driven carefully, _and _delivered the package on time. Once the delivery was done, however—_that _was another story. Hey, it's not like Cloud had told me to bring the bike back. So until he finally remembered and called me, I could just play dumb (_hah!_) and ride around to my heart's content.

Luckily, it had been warmer before, but the temperature was starting to drop. The bitter cold ate at my skin. For a second I considered stopping, until I remembered that my time with the bike was limited. Might as well enjoy it now and make the most of it. So I ignored the cold the best I could, thankful for the first time of my mangy hair—at least it kept my ears warm.

I went farther from the main roads like last time, sticking instead to back alleys and out-of-the way paths. No one to worry about here but the occasional cop.

"_It's about time you get yourself a _real _present."_

I wasn't sure where the thought came from. With all the adrenaline pumping through my veins and the cold eroding away what was left of my flesh, it seemed to outweigh every other possible thought. I had the weirdest feeling he meant Xion. The idiot. He knew nothing about me.

"_Do you _like_ her?"_

Sure, she smelled heavenly and I'd had a few fantasies about possibly getting her into my bed—but I didn't _like _her. I'd never really felt that way about _anyone. _And I was sure it was something I was incapable of. Something that had been wrenched away from me the moment that bastard had ruined my life, and anyone I came in contact with.

The clouds covered the sun overhead, casting a momentary shadow over the entire street. I sped up, ignoring the cold freezing my arms up. I was beginning to grow numb, and I made a mental note to head back soon. I couldn't hold onto the thought for long though; Lea's irksome voice was back.

"_She was…different then. Happier."_

Happiness was such a hard thing to come by, wasn't it? In actuality, though, no one was ever truly happy. They only pretended to be. If only I could get a taste of it, even if it were fake…

I was so wound up in my thoughts that for a second I forgot where I was. I didn't see him until he was right in front of me, until I hit the brakes too late, knowing full well that I couldn't avoid hitting him.

I heard a yell—his or mine, I wasn't sure. The next second. I was falling—no…flying, for the first time in my life. And they said it was impossible. I left my bike behind me as I cut through the air, landing on the hard pavement with a sickening _crack_, the breath knocked out of me. I coughed up something red, and my side screamed in pain, burning, as I tried to pull myself up, to turn around and see who I had hit. Everything was too blurry…so damn blurry…and I blinked against sudden sunlight.

Just before everything faded to black, my vision cleared and I caught a glimpse of his hair, thrown into sharp relief by the brightness of the sun…flaming red, so vibrant…everything was _so _red…

The last thought that managed to sweep through my head was:

_Not…again…_

* * *

><p>…<p>

**Take a moment to embrace the awesome ending.**

**Okay.**

…

**Uhm. I'm so sorry for the late update guys. Life can get a little crazy. School starts on Tuesday for me, and I've had a lot of stuff going on…**

**Anyway, the reviews for Chapter 10 all made my heart soar. Seven reviews in one chapter? It's the most I've ever gotten; you guys don't know how happy they made me.**

**This chapter gave me a lot of trouble, especially towards the end. Honestly, if it weren't for my beta, I don't think I would have gotten it done at all. So thanks again, Mystics Apprentice! I'd really love more critique though; any kind of feedback is welcome.**

**Krajesh: "I just love the progress this story makes."**

Thank you! *bows* A story without progress isn't really much then, is it?

**The Dismotivativor: "I keep getting this feeling that Van and Xion knew each other before, but I don't remember where the feeling came from."**

That's very interesting. Very. Interesting.

"**Now, I know you're building something up with the Cloud side of the story…"**

Hmm? Am I? My, my, this is one of the loveliest reviews you have dropped so far. So much theorizing… Also, CAPSLOCK just adds a certain amount of importance to a sentence doesn't it? It makes the voice in my head go, "DUN DUN DUNN" Can you believe it xD

"**And speaking of which, how do you outrun a guy like Riku?"**

You have a knack for making people laugh, I bet. It's always Sora chasing Riku isn't it? Never the other way around. Well, not until…never mind.

"…**Or is it just for the writer to give Van an opportunity to see her cutting scars?"**

It's funny how much reviews can influence a person's writing.

As for the rest…was this a long enough wait? No, sorry, I honestly was planning to post this earlier. I hope the chapter makes up for it. If not, REVIEW and tell me how I shall get better. If it did, review anyway :3

**XIIIXV: "Hey, look at me! Finally reviewing one of your stories!"**

Yay! Another reviewer! Haha, thanks for all the lovely comments :)

**RoxasLuvsCookies: "By the way, if you have a 3DS, you should add me :) I don't bite..."**

PM me the details (I have no idea how to add you) and we'll talk more about 3D as well :D

"**Well, what could be going on between Riku and Xion. I think it might be a love triangle of some sort... More feels"**

Haha, feels everywhere, huh? And we'll see about the love triangle thing ;) Also, I adored your review. Here's a cookie! *holds out peanut-butter cookie*

**Yellow Scarf Member: "I'm really glad that someone else likes this pairing, especially someone with as much talent as you."**

Awwwww. Thank you! And you weren't a bother at all :) Please continue to leave as many reviews as you like, I love getting them!

**Scented-Marker-Sniffer: "I really love how even the secondary and minor characters have things about them that are fascinating."**

You know, a lot of the time, modest writers are always asking for people to point out weaknesses. But you've made me realize that asking for praise isn't a bad thing; most of the time, I don't even know what my real strengths are. This way, I can spend time using my strengths to my advantage. I never really noticed how much significance I was giving to the lesser characters; I might even have viewed it as a flaw. So thank you so much for making that clear; it's very helpful.

**I think that's all for review responses. Thanks again to all my reviewers; I hope you guys will stick me 'til the end. Don't worry though, there's still a long way to go!**

**Until the next (assuredly quicker) update!**

**~DestinyCrusader**


	12. Chapter 12: To be Forgiven

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Square Enix or Disney.**

**Finally…here it is.**

* * *

><p><em>Bête Noire<em>

_Chapter 12: To be Forgiven_

I woke up gasping for air, clawing at where my eyes should have been.

My hands instead met cloth, and I realized a thick bandage was covering my eyes, wrapped tightly around my head. My eyes were there, I just couldn't open them.

My consciousness brought with it a volley of emotions, each one roaring by so fast I couldn't hold onto a single train of thought before being overcome by another one.

Relief; I was alive and breathing.

Confusion; I could smell the faint traces of anesthetic and clean tiles—and then a dreadful conclusion: I was at a hospital.

Anger; why the hell did I keep finding myself in these situations? It was like I was destined for pain.

And finally dread; as the events that had brought me here finally made themselves known. _I hit him._ I vividly recalled our last conversation over breakfast, his feeble advice, an attempt to save me from myself. No one was safe from me. I balled my hands into fists and cursed at myself, something my mother had greatly detested. In fact, the last time I had been at the hospital, she'd been sitting right beside me, face creased with worry. If I tried hard enough, I could relive the feeling of my hand gripped so tightly in her calloused ones that it was growing numb. I'd been on the brink of tears.

Just like now.

It didn't matter. It was time for me to get out of here. I felt around for something, anything, to hold onto so I could ease myself off the unfortunately comfortable pillows. My hand closed around something thin and cold, like some sort of long pipe extending from the ground. I slowly climbed off the bed, cringing at the pain that shot through my chest. I staggered and caught myself, feeling an unpleasant tug on my arm, which I ignored. Keeping one hand wrapped around the metal pole to keep myself upright, I was about to locate the nearest wall when I heard the sound of a door—_my _door—opening and footsteps coming to a sudden halt.

I froze in my tracks. My heart was pounding in my ears, and for a moment I was seized with the temptation to yank off the bandage that covered my eyes so I could see something besides endless black.

"Vanitas…?"

The voice, soft but alarmed, was vaguely familiar. I didn't answer, however, until she spoke again, this time her tone slightly reproachful. "Vanitas! You… You shouldn't be out of bed!" Her voice softened. "Look, you almost pulled your IVs out…"

Now I remembered; I had seen her only once before, outside Cloud's house. She'd been holding a basket of flowers, and she'd beamed at me as if we were the best of friends. Her outfit had struck me as odd then. Who wore a jacket over a dress? However, there had been a logo on it, a strangely familiar one, as if from a past life: the hospital logo.

But I didn't recall telling her my name…

"Aerith?" I murmured.

"Yes." She sounded happy (just because I'd recognized her voice?). "You really _should _be in bed." She was closer now… Right in front of me, in fact. Sure enough, I felt her hand on my back, and I was forced to relent as she led me back to the bed. Aerith then pulled lightly at something attached to my arm—the IV.

"See?" Aerith pointed out, even though I really couldn't, "you almost drew blood."

"Doesn't matter." I told her.

She sounded appalled. "Of course it does! You need it to get better."

I winced. She was pushing the needle back into my flesh.

I brought my free hand to the bandage around my eyes again. "Why…?"

"Your concussion." Aerith answered. Now she was pressing unseen buttons beside me; they made loud beeping sounds. "Temporary blindness."

"Temporary…" I echoed.

"Yes, your sight _will _return."

I chuckled. Wouldn't it be ironic if I completely lost my eyesight?

"Wait." I paused. "What day is it?"

"It's Tuesday," she answered with a hint of reluctance.

I nodded. I think Aerith already knew what question I really wanted to ask, because the beeping sounds stopped, and I could hear her exhaling and inhaling loudly, as if preparing herself.

"I… I wanted to…" I swallowed. My throat was dry. "How's… How's Lea?"

Aerith didn't respond right away. Not being able to see her was getting increasingly frustrating. What kind of expression was she wearing? She didn't sound like she _hated _me, so perhaps he wasn't…? Then again, I wasn't sure if this woman was capable of hating _anyone. _

"Please," I choked out. The silence was being stretched so thin I was afraid it would break. "I need to know."

Aerith sighed softly beside me. "He's alive." I could tell that her words were carefully chosen, but they sent a wave of relief through me anyway. Nonetheless, I prepared myself for whatever she was going to say next. After all, he could just be in critical condition, and die any moment. Just thinking about it sent a shudder through me along with pain that I almost welcomed. If Lea died today, I deserved every bit of it. Then again, I deserved it anyway.

I felt Aerith's fingers on my wrist; she was checking my pulse. "He may be alive," Aerith said slowly, "but…" I felt her hand leave my wrist. "He's in a coma, Vanitas. And we're not sure if he'll wake up."

I said nothing.

"Vanitas?"

I guess my blank expression was starting to unnerve her. I unclenched my fists, but did not say anything to reassure her. What was I supposed to say? I couldn't possibly manage a single word without bashing my own head in. An obnoxious, annoying Lea who did not talk. Or open his eyes. I wanted to throw myself out the window, but I suspected it would traumatize Aerith forever. Besides, I wasn't sure my room _had_ a window, judging by the humidity.

She sighed again. "If…you need me, just press the button on the desk to your left. And…if you visit him, I could take you to his room. It's…right across from this room."

I nodded to show her I understood. I heard her murmur something I couldn't hear, something that sounded suspiciously like "I'm sorry," though I wasn't quite sure why she felt the need to apologize. I listened for her retreating footsteps, and the slight creak of the door before it closed.

I got out of my bed immediately, ignoring the dizziness—although the blindness somehow helped—and the pain that I did nothing to alleviate. I yanked the IV out none too gently, felt the blood leaking down my arm as soon as the needle was out.

I staggered, but my hands found the rough wall and, feverishly, I tried to find the window I hoped I had. Luckily—or unluckily, depending on how one looked at it—I felt the cool surface that could only be a window pane. There was no point in taking off the white cloth that covered my eyes, as I wouldn't be able to see anyway. I flicked open the hatch that held the window closed, pushing it outwards, and I leaned out the window, trying to judge the distance below. Obviously, I had no way to tell. The only thing I found hope in was that I didn't hear much bustling or voices, so I was probably higher up. That worked. Heart beating viciously, I leaned outwards again, trying to pull myself up and out, but the pain in my ribs was too much. I reeled backwards, trying to breathe, just as the door behind me creaked open again.

I swung around very unwisely, the last sudden movement sending me toppling forward, and I braced myself for the impact. Small hands, which I guessed were Aerith's, stopped me, and I flailed for a moment before pulling myself back up. Was Aerith honestly so much shorter than me?

No. I had a nagging feeling of in the back of my head—something smelled like dying roses. Then the memory hit me like a tidal wave and my mouth fell open. I couldn't see her, but now I was sure who the person in front of me was.

"_Xion!?_"

She didn't confirm my question by speaking, which may have been something I'd been hoping for. Instead, I felt the same small hand on my arm, pushing me slightly, and I didn't need to be a genius to understand what she was trying to say. I turned around, embarrassed, suddenly, at being caught trying to jump out a hospital window. I cringed as I got back onto the bed, settling back onto the sheets I assumed were white. I wondered, absentmindedly, what Xion was wearing. She could be stark naked, and I would never know. She wasn't stark naked, of course—but it was an interesting thought.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked. After the night before, one would think she never wanted to see me again. How could she bring herself to come here after I'd said all those things? After I'd seen her scars, and threatened to tell her father about them?

Then it occurred to me that there was no way I could possibly communicate with Xion. She refused to talk, and I couldn't see her either.

"Are you even there?" I asked. There was no answer; she'd left. Maybe she'd just had the misfortune of catching me at a bad moment, and she couldn't help but step in to clear her guilty conscious. I mean, why _wouldn't _she want me to die? Maybe she'd come here to see Lea. It wasn't that strange, after all, if they'd known each other before.

I was drifting off to sleep when a sound of something closing—the window, probably, since it was to my far left—dragged me back to reality. I turned my head towards the direction of the sound.

"You're still here?"

I strained for the sound of her footsteps this time. She walked around my bed, stopping beside me, so close I could hear her breathing. It sounded hoarse, as if she was holding back tears. Maybe she was.

"This is fucking stupid," I muttered. "How the hell am I supposed to know what you're trying to tell me? Have I ever told you how much of an idiot you are?"

I tried not to yell out this time when Xion put her hand on my forehead. _She was the one in the school infirmary, _I realized. _I knew someone else had been there._

"What are you _doing?_" I snapped again, and the harsh tone in my voice caused her to draw her hand back quickly. But I was faster. My hand shot up and caught her wrist, and perhaps with a little more force than necessary, I pulled her towards me so that her legs were probably pressed against the side of the bed. She wasn't even struggling. Still holding her wrist firmly, I lifted my other arm, which felt like it was still bleeding, to trace my fingers over the many scars that repeated themselves all across her arm. I sighed softly when I felt her arm trembling under my touch, and I let go.

"Why do you do it?" I questioned, even though there was no real point, since there was no way I was getting an answer. "What does it solve?"

Xion swallowed lightly and sniffed. She was probably crying. And I had a headache now, too. Awesome.

"You're not going to answer any of my questions," I said aloud, as if it were some big secret. Her breathing was loud and hoarse, so I knew she was still there. I tried to come up with something she could be forced to answer. I remembered the two simple words etched into the crumples remains of my science homework.

What I came up with was probably cruel, but it was a decent last resort.

"OK, answer this one: did you love him?"

She knew who I was talking about. I felt her freeze up beside me, her breathing stopping short. It seemed like I'd finally gotten something right for once.

"Don't want to answer? That's alright"—I heard her exhale—"On one condition." She stiffened again.

"Kiss me, Xion." My lips curved up in a smile, despite the throbbing in my head and practically everywhere else. "I dare you."

What a fool I must have looked like, my eyes, my whole body, covered in bandages, a wide smile on my face—then again, she had told me once that she had liked my smile (what was up with _that_?). But I bet I looked even more of a fool when Xion actually pressed her lips against mine. If a bandage wasn't stopping them, my eyes would have popped out of their sockets.

No…it wasn't her lips. It took me a moment to realize that she was pressing two of her fingers against my mouth, leaving them there for a second longer than she should have, and then taking them away. I could taste the salt of her tears. My mouth was open slightly, and I couldn't find it in me to form an acceptable response. I could hardly feel anything.

But then, anger.

"Why?" I asked. Maybe she wasn't there anymore, but I kept going, and my voice rose as I spoke. "What do you even _see _in me? Why do you keep coming back, even after everything I've done to you?"—I was sure I was monologuing by now—"And why the _hell _do you keep _forgiving _me!?"

I stopped, not because I had run out of things to say, but because I was struggling to breathe. In the silence, I heard her footsteps as she backed away from my bed, and then ran from the room, crying openly. How many times had I made her cry? I'd lost count.

I fell back onto the pillows and swore loudly. I was blind, my head was spinning, and I could hardly breathe without feeling like my throat was on fire. I deserved it, I supposed. Didn't make it any better.

I was surprised again by the sound of my door creaking open, and footsteps coming and fading. Another voice rang out to annoy me.

"Vanitas?"

"_Fucking—who is it now?_"

"Ventus." He said it as if it were the plainest thing in the world. "How you doing?"

I groaned. "You tell me."

"Sorry." I jumped at how close he sounded, and he chuckled.

"Go away," I said from between clenched teeth. He didn't seem to get the message.

"Have you gotten any visitors yet? I think I heard someone in here."

"No one," I tried to snap loudly, except it was more of a tiny growl.

"That's too bad. I'll keep you company!"

"_Fuck _no!"

He sounded hurt. "Why not?"

"Because you're freaking annoying. Go see Lea or something."

"Is that blood on your arm?"

"Can you not understand what it means to fuck off?"

Stillness. Was he gone?

"Roxas is with Lea. Did you crash into him?"

"What do you _think, _genius?" I couldn't say anymore. I was already pushing my limits, and I fell into a horrible fit of coughing.

"H…hey… Are you OK? Should I call the nurse?"

"N…no. Just…go." I could breathe again.

"Vanitas—"

"Look, I don't _like _you, OK? In fact, I fucking _hate _you and I can't stand your voice right now! Will you just _leave me alone _before I snap your neck in two?"

I wondered if I had hurt him, but who was I to care? Thankfully, I didn't hear any more from him, so I was forced to assume he had left me in peace. I sighed, exasperated. The headache had escalated, and before I knew it, I had passed out.

* * *

><p>He always used to contradict himself, my old man, because I was pretty convinced he was the spawn of Lucifer himself.<p>

And all the shit he used to say about good and bad; there's no real separation between the two. You can't be part of one side or the other. You'll always find yourself wavering in the middle, and no matter which way you're leaning, you can never be truly "good" or truly "bad."

Do you follow the devil? It's a stupid question, one that my father found fit to ask me every morning right after I came out of the bathroom—which, apparently, is a good time to ask.

_There is no fucking devil_, I wanted to yell at him. Because saying there's a devil is believing that the sins you commit aren't yours. Believing that the devil whispers into your ear and forces you to do things that you will soon come to regret. It's believing that whatever you do wrong isn't something you hold yourself accountable for. It's blaming someone else. And the devil is _not_ the reason behind my sins.

I am.

* * *

><p>For the first time in weeks, I had a dreamless sleep. Aerith must have stopped by when I was asleep, because I could feel the IV on my arm again. I had no way of telling the time or doing anything else, so I did the only thing I <em>could <em>do: I fell asleep again.

* * *

><p>This time when I woke up, I didn't feel the pressure of the bandage over my eyes. Slowly, I reached up to touch my eyelids. But even now, when I tried to open my eyes, they felt glued shut. I patted my hand around the desk beside me until I found the button, and seconds later someone bustled in with something that smelled really good. My stomach growled. I'd forgotten I needed to eat.<p>

"Here you are," said someone in a small but pleasant voice. "Breakfast."

"Breakfast?" I asked as I sat up, eyes still closed. "What time is it?"

"Eleven a.m." the woman answered. "You can open your eyes now, Mr. Hunter."

"I…can't," I admitted, and she giggled. I wanted to punch her.

"One moment," she told me. I heard her rummaging in some unseen cupboard. And then she was putting some liquid over my eyes, spreading it with a soft tissue. "There."

I took a deep breath, and opened my eyes. I blinked, and I was overcome with panic. I still couldn't see anything. She must have seen me blanching, because I felt her hand on my back, trying to soothe me. "Give it a minute, Mr. Hunter. It'll come."

Sure enough, the blackness seemed to give way, and I blinked again a few times. The blurry images in front of me solidified, and I saw that a tray had been set up in a table attached to my bed. On the plate were scrambled eggs, a carton of orange juice, and a small bowl of salad.

I turned to look at the nurse who was standing beside me. She had short brown hair and petite features. I was strangely dispirited by the fact that it wasn't Aerith again instead.

She gestured at the food and gave me a strained smile, as if she knew what I was thinking. "You should eat, you'll feel better."

With that, she left the room.

Everything was indeed white—the walls, the floor, my sheets. I turned to look towards my left to see the window, and I told myself I would see how high up I was as soon as I was done eating. Which didn't take long, truthfully. Once done, I realized that there was no longer a needle shoved up my skin, and I was free to move around. My injuries hadn't been that severe after all, because, besides the minor light-headedness, I felt alright. I opened the windows and stared down, and I found myself smiling inanely. First floor. I was on the _first freaking floor. _Maybe Xion thought I was trying to run away.

Fate was very clever.

I was delighted to find out that my clothes—I felt bad for whoever had been forced to put me in this hospital gown—were carefully folded in the small cupboard near the bathroom, where the unnamed nurse had been rummaging an hour before. I washed my face, slipped on my shoes. Aerith walked in just as I was about to leave.

"You haven't been checked out yet," she said, startled at my sudden appearance.

I shrugged. "Gotta get outta here."

She frowned. "You aren't going to visit Lea?"

I hesitated. "I…I don't think anyone would want me to."

She shook her head and offered her hand. "Come with me, Vanitas."

It was hard to refuse, with her sad green eyes and pleading expression. I didn't take her hand, but I motioned at her to lead the way.

I'd forgotten his room was right across from mine. Honestly, I was afraid we'd run into Terra, but, thankfully, Lea was the only person in the room. He was sleeping so calmly I couldn't imagine the fact that he couldn't wake.

He had several bandages around his forehead and arms, which were folded neatly across his chest. I wondered if there were more bandages on his body. "So he's still in a coma?" I asked.

"Yes," Aerith answered. She moved forward to brush his red hair out of his face, no longer styled. She handled him so gently it was hard to doubt that Lea wasn't her own. I was beginning to understand why she was a nurse. Had she cared for me the same way? I couldn't be sure. I had come _this close _to becoming a killer, after all.

Not that I wasn't one already, but no one else knew about that.

"Would you like a few minutes alone?" Aerith questioned worriedly. I'd been staring at him, and I looked away quickly.

"Not really." I paused. "Can he hear us?"

Aerith shook her head. "We can't be sure. Sometimes his heartbeat picks up, and at other times it stays constant. We have no way of knowing. But…maybe."

_Maybe. _That was enough. "Alright."

She nodded and left the room, her long pink dress—I thought nurses were supposed to be in uniform at all times?—fluttering around her ankles as she left. I heard the door close behind me. How did she trust me so much? What if I just reached forward and strangled him?

I walked to the edge of his bed, still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that he wouldn't wake up.

"Lea? I…" I swallowed and looked at the clock above his bed. One o' clock. I looked back at him. "I… I don't…"

I couldn't say it. I was such a weakling. And if I didn't say it now, it would drive me crazy forever.

"I'm sorry," I said finally, choking on the word. I couldn't look at his face anymore—_I have passed the watchman on his beat, and dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain._

I was apologizing to someone who probably couldn't hear me, and I bet even if he could, he'd never forgive me. The heart monitor beeped out of sync, but that was probably normal, once in a while. "I didn't mean to crash into you, no matter how annoying you are." I imagined him laughing. "I…tell Terra I stopped by. I'm too much of a coward to face him myself."

I stopped. Did I have anything else to say?

"About Xion…" I looked out the window, remembering our latest encounter. "Maybe you were right. Maybe she _is _good for me. But… I'm not good for her, Lea. Not at all. And I think…she deserves better."

There. I'd said everything I possibly could have. I shoved my hands into my pockets and exited, not looking at his sleeping face anymore. Aerith was waiting in the hallway. She looked like she'd been crying.

"You're free to go." She told me.

I nodded at her. I had somewhere else to go, someone else to apologize to.

* * *

><p>Aerith had offered me a ride, saying she could call Zack, but I'd refused. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now. I walked home from the hospital, and the sun was beginning to sink by the time I made it back to my neighborhood. I walked more slowly towards a certain street where I'd once picked up a rock to launch through a window, and someone had unwisely hired me. I stopped in front of his office door, hesitating before I reached up and knocked.<p>

I waited.

No answer.

Maybe he wasn't in. Or, more likely, he was ignoring me. I didn't blame him. I turned and left to walk the rest of the way to my house. I'd forgotten to ask what had happened to the bike. I would have to pay Cloud back for any damages. I'd have to start walking to school again.

I looked up when I passed his house, and I saw a light on in an upper bedroom window. Zack or Denzel were nowhere to be found. At least, I couldn't see them, and I didn't bother checking.

My house looked cold and abandoned, as always. I winced slightly when I tried to yank the door open. I hadn't recovered fully after all, and yet Aerith had still let me leave. Had she risked her job just to let me go?

It was no warmer inside than it was outside. I still had to pay the heating bill—and the electricity bill, I found out, when the lights refused to turn on.

There was a knock at my door. I turned back to open it, not caring who it was. I wanted someone to yell at me so badly, to kick me out of my house and tell me I should go die. But no, of _course _that didn't happen. Instead, Cloud himself stood at my doorstep, and I stepped aside to let him in.

He spoke first. "You promised."

"I know." I put my head in my hands. "I know I did. I didn't follow through, and…"

"Here." He held something out. I squinted in the low light to see what it was. My keys. I looked at him in surprise.

He had his poker face on. "Take it. It's yours."

"But…I nearly _killed _someone!"

He shrugged. "It happens."

I shook my head. "No, I don't want it."

He raised an eyebrow. "You're going to walk to school every day?"

Of course he knew.

I shook my head again, shrinking away from the keys, as though they were a weapon.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

Maybe this guy was stupider than I'd thought. "Because I _can't._"

Cloud put the keys back in his pocket. "OK." He turned to leave.

"Wait!" I was surprised to find out I'd called out. He turned to look at me, blue eyes were unreadable.

"What?"

"I… I needed to…" I struggled with my words. I'd never been really good with them. "I… Are sins…ever forgiven?"

His eyes widened. A trick of the light?

I stared at my hands. "After this… I realized. This isn't the first horrible thing I've done, you know."

No, it wasn't the light. Cloud was staring at me with very wide, very surprised eyes. "What… What do you mean?"

I sighed, running a hand through my hair, pushing it out of my eyes. "I can't… I can't give you the details. I just need an answer."

He contemplated his response. "What do _you _think, Vanitas?"

I groaned. "I _don't know! _That's why I'm asking! Do you know how hard this is?" I realized I was yelling, and stopped abruptly. Still, I didn't look away from him.

"But you want to believe it." Cloud stated.

I didn't answer.

"Vanitas… Give it a try." He tossed me the keys, and I was compelled to catch them, closing my hands around the sharp edges instinctively. He turned to leave again, and this time when I called out, I was more desperate than ever.

"But what if… What if the person I want to apologize to is already gone?"

Cloud didn't turn around as he opened the front door, letting the soft blue light of evening find its way in. "Someone once told me… Isn't it time _you _do the forgiving?"

I heard a smile in his voice. Before I could question him about it, however, he had left, leaving the door wide open. I walked forward to close it. Shrouded in darkness once again, I opened the palm of my hands.

The keys stared back up at me, shimmering like the stars in Xion's eyes every time I made her cry.

* * *

><p><strong>Hi! Man, this chapter gave me a hard time. And you know me, busy busy busy. I have a lot of days off this month though, so I might be able to update faster, depending on how my NaNoWriMo novel is going. (National Novel Writing Month – look it up!)<strong>

**Krajesh: "I'd rather have to wait for an good update than you posting so so updates more frequently."**

That's good to hear! I think that makes sense as well, and it's what I usually aim for.

**RoxasLuvsCookies: "He's probably had a few WILD Fantasies, if you know where I'm coming from"**

*Raises eyebrows*

"**I apologize for any errors in the review, but I type horriblt on mobile x("**

That's really no problem, I love getting reviews from you no matter how long, short, or error-ridden they are. :)

**The Dismotivator: "Did he just climb into a window while Xion was dressing up and scare her out of her house?"**

*Doubles over in laughter* Can't. Breathe!

"**He knows about the VanShion. HE KNOWS. AND HE LIKES IT."**

CANON SHIPPERS FTW!

Thanks so much for another awesome review. I'm learning reviewing skills from you, sensei. I mean, what better thanks to give a writer for a good story by making them laugh? It's very nice to hear all your theories; it tells me whether or not the hints I'm dropping (or trying to drop) are working or not.

**CrazyRedHead97: "I lovee how in character Vanitas is, and how you're slowely bringing other emotions out of him. I love how in character Xion is too."**

Aw, why thank you. Why are you apologizing? Even a tiny, excited review like yours drastically brightens my day! And I totally adore Austin and Alley together! ;)

**Done, I think. This chapter has become the new longest chapter! Woot.**

**Thanks to my beta, Mystics Apprentice, and my awesome-sauce reviewers for their undying support. You guys rock!**

**~DestinyCrusader**


	13. Chapter 13: Envy

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or "Acquainted with the Night." They are owned by Square Enix and Robert Frost, respectively.**

**Warning: Mild swearing and mind-boggling inner turmoil await you.**

* * *

><p><em>Bête Noire<em>

_Chapter 13: Envy_

I never knew things could be so hard. I didn't care if Cloud had given the keys back to me; I didn't use my motorbike. I woke up at four and walked to the hospital. Afraid Terra would be there, I didn't go to Lea's room. I waited for Aerith to arrive at five, and she gave me a subtle shake of the head. Could she really read me that easily? I wanted to thank her for yesterday, and apologize for being an ass, but I never did.

I got to school at seven—I was freezing by then. Even though Christmas was gone, the cold still wanted to haunt me with the memories it brought. _Whatever_. Screw the cold.

The library was off-limits again because…because of _Terra_—and so was everywhere else. I went straight to English and buried my head in my arms as soon as I got to my desk. I heard people entering half an hour later, but for once it wasn't loud. They were whispering, and most likely pointing.

And it wasn't hard to guess what they were talking about.

When the murmuring died down, it was easy to assume the fabulous Mr. Hendrickson had appeared. I didn't look up from my desk because there was no point.

"You're late."

Maybe it was the incredulous tone in his voice that made me lift my head. Xion stood in the doorway, shifting her weight from one foot to the other and breathing hard, as if she had just run a mile. She stared at her feet apologetically, and Mr. Hendrickson waved away her concern.

"That's alright. Here's a warning for your first offense. Take your seat."

_Funny, I forgot she sat right next to me. _Instead of avoiding my eyes, she stared at me intently as she took her seat. Something in her expression unnerved me, and when I made to wipe my eyes, I found out my cheeks were wet.

I rubbed the tears away quickly and looked down at the peeling wood on my desk. _Pathetic, useless weakling... _That's what I was. I couldn't _believe _I was fucking _crying._

Mr. Hendrickson was talking about the poetry project. I'd completely forgotten about the stupid thing. I honestly didn't care about it anymore, favorite poem or not. I wasn't sure why it had been so important in the first place.

Obviously, Xion wasn't ready to give up just yet. Why was it that every time she was around all I could think about was our last encounter? Things never went right, and yet she just kept coming back. She was so freaking stupid for giving me so many chances, because I wasn't about to change.

I'd buried my face in my arms again. I heard the dull thump of Xion's infamous notebook landing in front of me, and the turning of the pages, which could only mean she was looking for "Acquainted with the Night." She was serious about this.

I didn't look up until she prodded me in the shoulder. Her eyes were guarded but indignant. She wanted me to work, that much was obvious, and I had a feeling she wouldn't stop jabbing me in weird places until I did.

I ran a hand through my hair. "I don't care about the stupid project," I tried to tell her. The guy behind her was staring at me. "I suggest you go find another partner."

She just shook her head and pointed at the first line.

I sighed. "I thought we were done with the first two stanzas."

She looked angry—perhaps because the last time we'd analyzed the poem, she hadn't been quite so happy with the results.

I was done pretending. I didn't even glance at the book. "The first three lines is Frost talking about how much his life sucks. Rain equals sorrow. Rain equals pain and sadness and whatever the hell else life decided to throw at him. It's happened so much that he's become incapable of feeling any happiness. Everything he's faced was too much, and now fate doesn't agree with him being happy."

If she was surprised, she didn't show it. Instead, she pursed her lips, and I knew she disagreed.

"Well, what do _you _think?"

She shook her head.

"That doesn't tell me anything, y'know."

She made a face (because of course she was aware of that problem) and then made a circular motion with her fingers, revolving them around each other. _Repeat yourself._

"Fate doesn't agree with him being happy?"

She nodded once, as if to say, "Yes, and that's where you're wrong."

"And how is that not what it means?" I was annoyed. I'd read the poem hundreds of times, heard echoes of it in every single day of my life. How dare she even attempt to prove me wrong? Still, she was shaking her head.

She seemed to realize there was no way she could prove her point without talking, and for a moment I tasted victory—until she pulled out a piece of homework from her backpack.

Touché.

She rummaged around for a pencil and then wrote:

_It wasn't fate._

I stared at her.

_It wasn't fate that didn't agree with him being happy. It was him._ "Him" was underlined twice.

I raised an eyebrow. "After going through all that, why wouldn't he want to be happy?"

She shrugged, and then wrote, "Because he was too afraid."

I waited for her to elaborate, but she didn't. She just stared at me meaningfully with those blue eyes that resembled glass just about to shatter. What was she trying to say? "He was too afraid of what?" I asked finally, exasperated.

She gave me one last, long look, and then scrawled out very slowly:

_Afraid of losing that happiness again. _She paused, bit her lip, and then added—quite daringly, I must say—_Just like you._

I heard myself gasp, and then, through someone else's eyes, saw my own hands grab at the paper and crumple it into a tiny ball. "I am _not_," I growled, "afraid of losing happiness. I _don't deserve it._"

She looked like she wanted to argue, but I wasn't going to let her. Feeling vengeful, I pulled her notebook towards me. She reached for it, but she just wasn't aggressive enough. I flipped it open, but only made it through the first line of what looked like a poem—_Never should have_—when she snatched it out of my hands, breathing hard.

"It looks like you have regrets too," I shot at her.

She didn't have a response to that. She stared at her feet as she stood up, slowly collecting her things, cradling her notebook in her arms like a baby. I wondered, again, how she could stand my presence after everything I did to her, every time we met.

I wasn't sure what kind of thoughts I was beating myself up over. I'd never been one to dwell on things too long—not the things that mattered, anyway. This thought led me to another one: Did Xion matter? Was something about her so significant that I couldn't stop myself from thinking about her, and more than just relevant to late night fantasies? I wasn't sure what to make of myself, let alone Xion, if I was falling to such low levels of compassion; something made only for the weak and those not willing to fight back. Compassion was something I always associated with my mother, the pathetic being who had cowered in my father's shadow and hadn't lived to tell the tale.

I was thinking again—thinking way more than I had really wanted to. I practically wandered the school during lunch, waiting for someone to throw a punch at me or something so I could distract myself.

The distraction that _did _come, however, wasn't one I had been looking for.

I was on my way back to history class because I honestly had nothing better to do—which, believe me, is very sad—when I saw them. It took me a moment to remember, because the last time I had seen either of them was a century ago, although the voice of the happier-looking-one was too annoying to forget. Roxas and Ventus, I recalled, the twins that were also my neighbors. They were leaning against a bunch of lockers (our school doesn't really care where we go during lunch so long as we make it back to class in time) smiling and talking, and they weren't alone. Right between them stood Xion, and although she wasn't exactly smiling, an aura of happiness surrounded her. Ventus was laughing loudly, and Roxas would gesture every now and then with his hands. I didn't realize that I had stopped walking, or that I had started to glare until Ventus look at me strangely. Maybe he was remembering our last talk as well. Roxas turned to look at me, and it seemed like he was saying something, but none of the words registered. At some point, I found myself walking away. And for the first time ever, I wasn't sure what had just happened. I almost couldn't remember how long ago I had seen them, or when I started heading towards the roof. It just happened; only when I was stepping outside and the cold pierced my skin did my senses back.

I didn't know what I had been thinking.

And I didn't know how I had gotten there.

But it frightened me—more than anything ever had.

* * *

><p>When I finally got myself to go back inside, I headed straight for Mr. Hendrickson's room, even though I should have been going to Math, my last period of the day. I felt something odd, something I wasn't familiar with, and I was overcome with the urge to look up the word of this feeling (I'd never felt anything like it before) in the dictionary—something Mr. H undoubtedly had. He looked up in surprise when I barged in, but I knew he didn't have anyone in last period—I'd snuck in here several times prior. However, since Mr. Hendrickson had never seen me there, he opened his mouth to say something, but I interrupted him before he tried to threaten me with another detention. I mean, come <em>on, <em>he should have known already that detentions didn't really bother me all that much anymore.

"I need a dictionary."

"A…what?" Maybe it was the absurdity of the question, or perhaps the idea that the notorious, lazy dropout Vanitas was asking for an object that would actually enhance his English. Either way, Mr. Hendrickson pulled out a dictionary from a top shelf over his desk. He even looked suspicious as he handed me the book. Did he think I was going to whack him over the head with it? I didn't say anything as I placed it on his desk, flipping it open immediately, even though I wasn't sure what I was looking for.

"What's this about?"

Teachers think they can go around just asking anything, don't they?

"I need a word," I said. How else was I supposed to answer this question? I couldn't tell him that I was thinking about slaughtering a certain pair of blonds in their sleep.

"What kind of word?"

Nosy son of a bitch. I answered anyway. "A feeling."

"What kind of feeling?" Enter therapist Hendrickson.

"A bad one. A really bad one."

This caused Mr. Hendrickson concern, that much was clear. "Vanitas, is this about Xion Rakiel?"

_Damn it, why does everybody think that? _Even if it was usually true. I didn't say anything, flicking aimlessly through the pages. Maybe Mr. Hendrickson was afraid I would tear the it to shreds—which was very probable, actually—because he pulled the book away, proceeding to turn the pages much gentler than myself.

"Is it lust?"

I was taken aback at the directness of his words, but realized he was only thinking of it as desire and nothing more.

"No."

"Loss?"

"Hell no."

He raised an eyebrow at me, but for once I wasn't scolded. "Describe this feeling."

"Something is eating at my insides. I need…"

"Envy?"

The word made me pause. "Does that mean the same as…jealousy?"

For some messed up reason, Mr. Hendrickson smiled. "Not quite."

Without elaborating, Mr. Hendrickson flipped to "J" and then located jealousy. He cleared his throat and read out loud: "Jealousy. Noun. Resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, or against another's success or advantage itself." Then, skillfully turning to "envy" within seconds, read: "Envy. A feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc."

He sighed as he closed the book, and then looked up at me, greying hair falling over his glasses. "The dictionary really does make them sound like the same thing, doesn't it?"

"So they're not."

He shook his head. "Not at all, really. Jealousy is fear of losing something, causing negative feelings towards whoever may be trying to take that something away."

Jealousy did sound pretty spot-on to me.

"Envy, however," Mr. H continued, "is a different emotion altogether. It is the desire for the success itself. The discontent that spans from envy does not call for the unhappiness of the other, but more, the same thing for the one who is envious."

_Right._ Now I was just confused.

My confusion was amusing to him, it seemed, judging by his smile. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. Frustratingly, he appeared to know exactly what I was feeling. "Did you see her with someone else?"

Was he mocking me? I didn't answer.

He sighed. "What I'm trying to say, Vanitas, is that what you really want is her, something you don't have."

I took a moment to consider this, and then countered, "But at the same time, I don't want either of _them _to…have her."

He raised his eyebrows at "either of them," but didn't dare bring it up. "Yes. However, the core of that desire is, again, _you_ wanting _her_. You are not afraid of losing her, because, if I remember correctly, you do not really _have _her…yet. And you do not despise _them_ in such a way that the only thing you hope for is for them to be unhappy."

"Not the _only _thing…" I muttered.

Mr. Hendrickson stood up and walked over to his door, opening it wide. "It's time for you to go, Vanitas. Where are you supposed to be right now?"

"Math." _Damn. Why did I tell him that?_

Mr. H nodded, as if this proved some kind of point. "Move along, then."

For some reason, he was smiling as I passed him. That bastard, I think he was enjoying this—whatever _this _was.

* * *

><p>"You're late."<p>

"No shit, Sherlock."

Mrs. What's-her-name shook her head at me. "_Sit down, _Vanitas."

_Of course, Your Majesty._ How could anyone even question why I liked skipping this class?

I saw Terra looking at me from across the room. I'd been hoping he was at home, or with Lea. Not here. Not now.

This wasn't going to end well.

I dragged myself to my assigned seat beside him; a seat I had taken willingly so pestering him for help would never be a problem. How could I have known my decision would come back to haunt me so strongly?

Unlike before, Terra wasn't ignoring my existence anymore, for unknown reasons I wasn't interested in finding out. Still, I couldn't keep myself from noticing his attempts to get my attention. But I'd decided a while ago that I wouldn't let this friendship be saved—not if it meant losing Terra as well.

Still, one had to admire his persistence. Eventually, he heaved a sigh when I refused to respond to his subtle prodding and obvious glares. But oh no, he wasn't done yet. A small, folded scrap of paper landed on my desk. Before I could tear it to pieces or brush it off my desk, my annoying curiosity had forced me to pick it up. The words Terra had carefully written on it read: _Lea is doing OK._

I stopped myself from looking at him. Somehow, he still knew. Even after I thought I'd convinced him he didn't know me, he _knew. _I sat there trying to figure out if I wanted to punch him or hug him. In the end, I did neither. Terra finally gave up his endeavor to get something out of me and turned to the front of the class; he really was a teacher's pet at heart, and couldn't bear to lose any precious notes. When the bell rang, I made sure I was out of sight before he could get out of his seat. And, fortunately or unfortunately, someone was waiting for me outside.

"Alida."

For some reason, just seeing her sent a wave of guilt through my chest. I hadn't spoken to her ever since I had asked for information about Xion. Well, that wasn't a bad thing, to be honest. It wasn't as if she thought our "relationship" would be going anywhere…did she?

Alida was quiet for a moment, staring at the ground, biting her lip, twiddling her fingers. She waited until the hallway was devoid of any other living being.

"I came here to tell you something."

"Uh…" I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say.

"I quit."

"You…what?"

Alida looked at me with sad eyes. "I quit my job. I'm leaving."

"Oh."

I felt like an idiot, but I really didn't know what else she wanted from me. She gazed at me, waiting for more, and when I didn't add anything, she burst into tears.

"I knew it," she cried into her hands. "I knew I was just being stupid."

"What…? I—" _Aw man, what do I do now? _I really didn't know how to handle this absurd situation. Did she expect me to comfort her?

Alida sniffed loudly. "I'm sorry," she said, speaking through shuddering sobs, "I didn't mean to lost control of myself like this. I just… I really like you, Vanitas. I wish… I wish things were different."

"Oh." That was all I was capable of saying. It was all too strange, like I was part of some corny chick flick. Things like this didn't really happen in real life—at least, not usually.

Alida sniffed again, trying to compose herself. "I should be going now." She wiped her nose with the back of her sleeve, but stopped to look at me again through watery eyes that made me doubt my humanity. "I'm… I'm glad you finally found something important to hold onto, Vanitas." I could tell her words were sincere. "Xion Rakiel…is a very lucky girl."

Guilt gnawed at my conscience, but again I found nothing to say. Alida nodded at me one last time. She held something out to me, something I hadn't realized she'd been holding. A manila folder, with Xion's name printed in bold letters on one corner.

"Xion Rakiel's counseling files."

"I thought they were…"

"Confidential, of course." She gave me a very sad smile. "My last betrayal."

"I don't…"

"Do you want it or not? I had to photocopy everything from the original to make this. I have to go soon, before they figure it out and put me behind bars."

The small, logical part of me that was left protested. I saw myself as I'd been years before, frightened of life, but frightened of myself even more.

That scared little boy who didn't know his own dark secrets, didn't know the way his own twisted mind worked, appeared again after so many years. If I took the file, did it mean that I didn't really care about the raven-haired girl who had unfortunately piqued my interest, or that I was only doing this to win her over? Or was I just fooling myself? Was it all truly spurred on by jealousy, hatred growing from another's success, and the fear of losing something I wasn't even sure I had? Or was it envy, because I knew I would never be able to make Xion happy like those twins had managed so effortlessly? Was I even capable of feelings like desire for another person? My mother, my poor fragile mother, had always believed in that side of me.

But I had never believed it existed.

In one last moment of darkness in its purest form, I reached out and took the file.

* * *

><p><strong>I know, it's been too long since I've updated. My novel-writing contest thing really wore me out, even though only half of it is done, and school just kills. Why does it even exist? *Heaves a sigh* Even now, I should be doing homework. Oh well. Anyway, I enjoyed writing this chapter, even though not much action happens. And the ending...cliffhanger or not, I hope it doesn't make you all <em>too <em>restless. ;)**

**Review Responses:**

**Clogallie: "Though Vanitas is generally disobedient to authority, he yields to Cloud, who is an uber calm guy. […] I feel like the relationship could be developed much deeper if you talk about something like how Vanitas secretly admires a certain quality in or even looks up to Cloud."**

You bring up an interesting point there. Although I have to admit, it's a pretty valid point. But I shall try to defend my own reasoning as much as I can, nonetheless. I think one thing that's really cool about stories is relationships can only be shown, not explained. Not within the story, anyway. At the same time, character thoughts do alert the reader about how said character feels about other characters. When you bring up Vanitas and Cloud, I want to say that Vanitas can tell Cloud is different than the others. For example, when he was hired, Cloud did not base it on Vanitas' past or looks, but on his personal judgment, and Vanitas might even see some of himself in that particular trait, leading to grudging respect. In this chapter, Vanitas learns that apparently Cloud has gone through something similar to what he's going through. In the end, it really depends on the reader's perception of the relationship. But, like I said, you have a valid point, and perhaps in the future such a reference may be necessary. Keep an eye out for it ;)

**The Dismotivator: "I think you missed one 'being' in the fourth sentence. *shrug*"**

*Points accusing finger at beta* Told you so! I blame Mystics Apprentice. It is grammatically correct without the being, but more confusing. So I went and added it back in. Thanks for pointing that out.

"**And then Vanitas tries to do another thing that I personally can't understand."**

I think sometimes Vanitas can't handle the horrible results he seems to have on other people. However, I suppose it was sort of random, wasn't it? Oh, and the dying roses will be explained! IT WILL BE! But to make things clear, it's like the smell of a rose after it's all wilted and blackened. Have you smelled one before? It smells different than a fresh one, somehow.

"**Seems like Cloud might've had thought similar to Van's at some point, but that's just me."**

Yep, that was supposed to be reference to events in Advent Children. Sort of a parallel for this story, although I'm not sure it will ever be revealed…

**Chobani: "Just the way you make him so human makes me positive you're going to publish a book one day or another."**

*Squeals and dies of happiness*—figuratively, of course.

"**And the way you're slowly incorporating the romance and emotion into this story is dead amazing."**

That relieves me so much. Sometimes I feel like I'm going too slowly. Still, things are about to pick up, I swear.

**That's it for review responses. Apologies for the late update. I cannot promise that the next one will be soon, but I will try my best. Until then!**

**-DestinyCrusader**


	14. Chapter 14: Loose Cannon

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy or anything else Square Enix. I also do not own ****Acquainted with the Night****—that poem belongs to Robert Frost.**

**Warning: This story is not for the weak-hearted.**

**Thanks to: My reviewers, readers, and my awesome beta, Mystics Apprentice. I honestly wouldn't manage without her help.**

* * *

><p><em>Bête Noire<em>

_Chapter Fourteen: Loose Cannon_

My mind went into overdrive as soon as Alida turned to leave. I shoved the folder under my arm and found myself reaching towards her, although I wasn't sure what I was doing. Grabbing her arms, I spun her towards me, and she stiffened when I pulled her close.

"Thank you, Alida."

Relaxing, she pushed me away. "Yeah, whatever." But she was smiling.

I watched her sigh one last time as she turned away, walking back to the office—to pack up her things, I guessed. I vaguely wondered whether I had been the reason she'd ultimately quit, but I didn't bother myself too much over it. As far as I was concerned, no one could determine her own decisions but herself.

"Good luck, Vanitas," she said, giving me a final wave of farewell.

"Thanks," I murmured, watching her disappear around the corner of the hall, "I'm gonna need all the luck I can get."

* * *

><p>I walked home quickly, slinging the sorry excuse of a backpack over my shoulder. For a moment I forgot about motorcycles and Christmas and Lea, and all that existed was me and the manila folder I was holding in my hands. Nothing else mattered, and maybe nothing else ever would.<p>

I slammed the door once inside, threw my backpack on the floor, and opened the file. Several sheets of paper fell to the kitchen floor. I gathered them hastily only to splay them out on the kitchen table. Bending forward, I squinted at the first one. It was a basic informational document, with Xion's full name, age, gender, address, that sort of thing (perfect for stalker-esque reasons). I pushed it aside and pulled another sheet towards me. This one was a faded photocopy of a medical document. Scanning it quickly and noting that there was nothing physically wrong with her (but then, I'd never thought as much anyway), I added this page to the not-important pile. The next document was a stapled packet that had a date stamped on the top. These, I reckoned, were the actual counseling records. Momentarily restraining my urge to delve into them, I glanced at the last sheet remaining, and froze—

But only for a second. I dropped the packet I was holding, hesitantly lifting what looked like a copy of a crumpled letter in Xion's handwriting.

_What…?_

I reached for the light switch—until then I'd been relying on the sunlight straining through the window—and waited for it to flicker on with bated breath. When it did, I faltered again. It was strange… I hadn't felt so nervous about doing this before. It may have been something to do with the fact that anything Xion had shared with someone else was OK for me to read, but a letter that had been found in this state was something she must not have wanted anyone to know about. If there was a reason society had wanted Xion to be counseled and kept under watch, it was this letter.

The image of Xion standing between Roxas and Ventus came to mind, and all my doubt vanished. I would read it—not as a form of revenge, or with envy, jealousy, or whatever the hell else I was feeling, but because I wanted to. And that was enough.

Dropping into a long-unused kitchen chair, I began to read.

_Dad, _it started, _I know how much pain you must be going through right now. And after losing your wife, I am so ashamed for taking away your daughter as well. _

Taking your daughter away? What did she mean?

_But please, I want you to understand that I'm not leaving out of guilt. I… _Some of the words that followed were blotted out with what I assumed were tears, and she had continued on the next line (with handwriting that was shakier than before) _I've come to realize that this is the only way. It's best for everyone. Even if I'm not ready—_more blots—_I have to make this choice. It's too late for me to undo my mistakes. _

_I'm on the verge of losing everything I cared about, everything I still care about. I can't let this happen. I have to do this. I only hope that one day, you'll understand. I'm sorry I can't tell you more. I'm sorry I'm leaving you. Whatever happens, dad, don't blame yourself for this, or anyone else. It was my choice to go away now. Better that—_the next line was so smeared with tears that it was illegible, but I could see that the words had been crossed out and rewritten after—_Better that than to do nothing. I'm sorry, Dad, for making you go through this. I love you so much. Don't ever forget that. _

And finally, the last lines—I could imagine Xion writing them with shaking fingers, tears dripping down onto the paper, spreading the ink in the margins and everywhere else. _You'll be…better off now._

_I'm sorry._

The last two words echoed in my head, but in a different voice, one that was much older, from my own memories: _"I'm sorry, Vanitas."_

Too late, I realized I had just read Xion's suicide letter.

* * *

><p><em>Yeah, sure, she didn't succeed, <em>I thought, staring at the ceiling of my bedroom two hours later, _but she came close._

The question was, how close? I thought of the papers still scattered over the kitchen table. One didn't write a suicide note two weeks prior. Most likely, she had written it moments before her death. _Failed attempt of her death_, I reminded myself. But that only made me wonder about more grotesque things. Had one of those scars on her wrist been an effort to take her life? Did she overdose? Jump from a building? Worse: I could easily see her doing all those things and more. How did she fail? Did someone stop her? Now more than ever, I wanted to know. I wanted to confront her, but it had become clear to me that she wouldn't say a word. Her silent rebellion was brilliant; it wasn't just a way to shut herself in, it was also a way for her to shut everyone else out.

It had been effective so far, but that was about to change.

And that was how I found myself standing outside Xion's house only a few minutes later. Grudgingly, I'd forced myself to ride my motorbike (how was I still even allowed to drive it, anyway?) but for once I stayed well under the speed limit. Not much fun in that, but hey, there were plenty of other Leas walking around that I really didn't want to hit.

Unfortunately, Aeleus Rakiel was the one who answered the door, and he seemed surprised to see me—which, I suppose, is understandable, considering the fact that I hadn't showered in two days and my hair hadn't been brushed in who knew how long. I must have looked like a homeless guy in need of food.

"Is Xion home?" I asked. I remembered calling him so long ago, and I was momentarily worried that he would recognize my voice. He didn't seem to. He shook his head, trying to close the door without a word, but I reached out to stop him.

"Can I talk to _you_, then?"

His eyes widened slightly, and I saw some of Xion in the small reaction. Finally, he stepped back and let me in.

"Tea?" he asked, eyeing my state. I shrugged, which I guess he took as a "yes," because he pointed me to the living room and then moved towards the adjoined kitchen.

Xion's house was bigger than it looked on the outside. Everything was neat and perfect, clean as ever. The living room was decent sized, with two long couches on opposite walls and a fireplace in the corner. It was almost picturesque.

Speaking of pictures, the farthermost wall was covered in them. There had to be about fifty photographs, all in different sizes, like a giant museum of their lives plastered against white for everyone to see. I scanned them almost hungrily, like every photo brought me closer to understanding the phantom that was Xion. There weren't many current photographs of her, but there were definitely countless ones when she was younger, including many shots of what had to be her mother. I found myself staring at a marginally smaller picture at the center, from which all the others seem to radiate—almost as if it had been the first one there.

It was an old, faded photo of a miniature Xion sitting on her father's shoulders, her expression a mixture of fear and insurmountable happiness. The picture was frozen in time, just like all the others, but in my mind's eye, it came to life.

I imagined Xion laughing, perched atop her father's shoulders, waving her tiny arms in the air. I imagined her giggling mother holding up the camera, shaking so much she couldn't get the lens to focus.

"Hold still," she would be laughing, trying to keep her grip on the expensive camera—a loving birthday gift, no doubt—lest it slip from her fingers and crash against the asphalt.

Aeleus Rakiel gave a smile that was probably very rare these days. "We_ are_ still!"

Xion's eyes would have been alight with an innocent happiness that I only caught fleeting glimpses of now and again.

"Daddy, don't drop me!" she was squealing, wide, frightened eyes sparkling like sapphires in the sunlight.

"I won't, I won't," he reassured her, and then he feigned falling.

Xion screamed, arms and legs flailing, whacking her father in the face so he almost did trip. Still, Aeleus was laughing.

"Daddy noooo!"

More laughter. Then, "I won't drop you, Xion." He steadied. "I'll never let you go." (Because fathers are supposed to say cheesy things like that.)

Xion inhaled and exhaled loudly, prompting secretive smiles between her parents. "OK, Daddy."

"Hey, hey, enough of the mushy stuff," her mother would have scolded, "Now stand still!"

She snapped the photo, and the moment ended as soon as the blinding flash was gone, leaving Xion blinking rapidly, trying to regain her vision.

It was easy to see how different I was from her; Xion had lost a past I'd never gotten the chance to hold onto.

But now the only evidence of that cherished past was a faded image stuck to the wall, covered in so much dust that the smiles on their faces were nonexistent.

_A faded image that will never be in focus…_

Did it honestly matter? This wide collection of photographs, so lovingly arranged on the wall… What did they bring now but only pain and sorrow, a longing for something that could never be regained? A reminder that life would never be as good as it once was? Maybe I was lucky, given a past I would not have to look to with sadness. And yet, I still did. Maybe we're all cursed, I thought, to look at our past lives and continuously hate what had changed, and desire broken pieces of misplaced sentimentality that didn't hold any significance whatsoever.

My thoughts were starting to run along with each other again, straying from my original train of consciousness. We were all mindless human beings, unfocused, never able to zoom in—pierce the importance of one thing—and disregard everything else. Because we were all stubborn, annoying people that would never truly be happy.

"Vanitas."

I jumped. Aeleus was standing beside me, holding a small cup of steaming hot tea. Soundlessly, he held it out to me. I didn't take it. Instead, I asked, "You know my name?"

Aeleus tilted his head. "You are well known around here."

It had slipped my mind that my face had probably been on the news, or at least in the newspaper. I grimaced—not exactly my idea of fame.

Aeleus gestured for me to sit on one of the couches. This time when he placed the cup of tea in my hand, I couldn't refuse.

"What do you want with my daughter?" Uh-oh: Protective father mode on.

I cleared my throat. _What _do _I want with Xion?_ "Well, I just…"

At a lack of what to say, I turned to look at the collage of photographs again, my eyes moving from one picture to the next, following the repeated image of Xion's mother. Usually, I wasn't too nice about these things, but there was something mildly intimidating about Aeleus's muscles and gaze that made me hesitate. "How… How did she die?"

Aeleus sighed. He'd obviously heard _that _question before. "Cancer. She was very young."

Not knowing what to say to that, I took a small sip (imaging me _sipping!_) of tea. Surprisingly, it tasted pretty good. I always considered myself a coffee person, but I never really liked the bitterness of coffee. Tea—and this was milk tea—sort of tasted like liquid heaven. And it reminded me of someone.

"What happened to your daughter?"

All right, maybe I should have beat around the bush a little, but I'm just not that kind of guy. I did regret it later, especially when Aeleus's light blue eyes turned a shade darker.

"What are you implying?"

I put the cup of tea on the table in case I accidentally threw it at him. "I'm sure you've noticed."

Aeleus was getting pissed off. "I don't—"

"Know what I'm talking about?" I leaned back on the sofa. "Come on. You must have noticed. I mean, you'd be stupid not to."

His eyes swam over me, angry, untrusting. "You're wrong—"

"She tried to kill herself, didn't she?"

He stared at me, obviously surprised. "How do you know this?"

"I have my ways," I said, standing up. "I also know that I'm not getting anything out of you."

Aeleus was right in front of me so fast I was afraid he'd throw a punch at me. Instead, his eyes flashed with fury, and his words were few but powerful. "Stay away from my daughter."

I didn't react to his words. I sidestepped him and made my way to the door. "Thank you for the tea."

Aeleus had a lot more self-control than it would seem. He managed not to attack me, and even as I was miles away, driving back to my house, I could remember the sensation of his eyes burning into the back of my skull. If Xion had inherited anything from her father, it was the intensity of his eyes.

I didn't find much comfort back home. Sitting by my bedroom window again, I stared out into the boring street. I caught a glimpse of Xion traipsing down the sidewalk, and I noticed she was carrying a bunch of flowers. It occurred to me, as I watched her disappear around the corner, that perhaps Xion had been right next door to me when I'd set off in quest for her house. I thought again about how much of an idiot I was for ever thinking she could be mine.

I stared at the ceiling for the rest of the night. At one point, I tried to read through Xion's counseling files. Most of it was just observations, and there were a few scribbled notes here and there that must've been written by Xion. So, there were no loopholes in (what I liked to call) her speech impediment. Her silence was absolute, like a blameless person on trial refusing to plead innocent. That was the key, wasn't it? Xion felt guilty about something. I'd figured as much back when I'd seen her scars. But I hadn't come an inch closer to figuring out what she felt so damned guilty about.

By 5 a.m. in the morning, I figured I should just stop trying to go to sleep. I swung by the hospital again, saw Terra, and walked back out without bothering to do anything else. It was pretty early so I walked to school again. It occurred to me that New Year's was just two days away. How nice. Everyone in school was annoyed about the short Christmas break and how students were being forced to attend school even on New Year's Day. They were making a big deal out of nothing, stressing about things that didn't fucking matter. Like the new gig of "Rumbling Rose" (another ridiculous band name) at some obscurely popular restaurant on New Year's Eve.

At least Xion didn't bring it up in English. She didn't mention her father either, so I figured he hadn't said anything about our little talk. As always, she got right into the poem to avoid talking about anything else. Also as always, she wasn't mad at me about before. She just opened up the poem and held it between us, even though I'd given away the fact that I already knew it by heart.

_I have looked down the saddest city lane._

_I have passed by the watchman on his beat_

_And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain._

She looked at me expectantly but I shook my head. "You first."

She shrugged and started scribbling on a blank sheet of paper. "_The speaker of the poem is sad, that's for sure." _Good guess, genius. "_But he's also guilty._"

"Guilty of what?"

"_We don't know. But he hasn't gotten over it yet. The watchman is someone he looks up to, maybe God. And he's unwilling to explain because he's ashamed of himself. He…"_

She was spot on and didn't need to explain, but somewhere along the way I stopped reading her words and just stared at the way her hand moved across the page: with precision and confidence. _Probably not how it was moving when she wrote her message of farewell_. And suddenly I was watching her face as she was intently scribbling away. I was motionlessly staring for so long that I didn't notice her embarrassed expression and red face until she jabbed me in the arm with her pencil to make me stop.

Not explaining, I stared down at her paper, pretending to read what she had written. What was happening to me? I didn't know what I was thinking. All I knew was that she was hurting, and that I wanted to make it stop.

Since when had I become so soft?

Later in the day, however, I discovered that my personal demon hadn't left me quite yet.

I didn't have breakfast that morning because I was too stupid to care, so I went to the cafeteria to eat something. Undoubtedly, I didn't have anything edible at home besides bread, and right now pizza sounded way better than bread.

Because I was still an underage orphan, lunch was paid for me by the government that cared about me so much. For the first time in years, I got in line, ignoring the pointed looks and hateful glares. After all, I'd almost killed someone, right? I was a criminal in everyone's eyes.

I had to redirect the gravitational pull that was yanking me towards our old table. Aqua sat there, obviously waiting for Terra. Had she taken my spot at that table, permanently? I tried not to think about it. I also tried to evade Riku when he suddenly materialized in front of me and looked at me strange, as if he wasn't sure what I was doing there (because who the hell was I?). Then he started making gestures, spouting some nonsense about me and Terra.

He was giving me that pitiful look I knew so well, and maybe it was because he could see how red my eyes were and he felt bad for the poor baby. But his next words, hastily leaving his mouth as I tried to go around him, did manage to stop me in my tracks.

"He's not here."

I cleared my throat, hating the fact that I had to. "Where is he?"

"With Lea."

_Of course, stupid question._

"I see." I nodded, and made to sidestep him again, but he blocked my path. I wasn't used to holding a tray in my hands—I almost tried to punch him before realizing that doing so would send my tray flying and things probably wouldn't go too well from there.

"Why don't you sit here." It was worded like a suggestion, but it sounded more like a command.

"Look, Riku, I'm really not in the mood for—"

"OK."

"Huh?"

Riku was no longer looking at me at all. He was looking right past me over my shoulder, towards the doors of the cafeteria. I turned around to follow his gaze, but all I saw were the double doors swinging shut.

Riku turned to look at the table, and Sora—I still had mixed feelings about that kid—gave a firm nod in turn. The hell? Before I could figure out what was going on, Riku saluted and then dashed past me, barreling straight through the cafeteria doors in pursuit of someone I didn't know.

Then again, Riku had been in pursuit of someone before…

This time, I didn't care where my food went. I dropped my tray, making some girl squeal and jump away to save her ugly clothes (_seriously, what's up with fashion these days_?).

I sprinted back out the cafeteria doors, spotting Riku at the end of the hall, running like his life depended on it. Seriously, that guy looked too graceful doing _anything. _I almost laughed at how crazy my life had gotten; riding motorcycles, analyzing poems, chasing questionably-straight guys down hallways—it was all pretty hard to believe.

That aside, why was Riku so interested in Xion? And why the hell was he _chasing _her half the time?

I stopped at the end of the hallway. Left or right? I ran left, down another hallway and back again. No Riku in sight. _Must have been right._ Breathing hard, I jogged down the right hallway. Now I could hear his voice; he wasn't far.

"Listen to me," Riku was saying, his words barely coherent. "You have to…"

I strained to listen, picking up my speed. Where were they? I started to slow down when the end of the hallway neared.

"Find a new crowd." Riku, again. Of course, Xion wasn't going to say anything. "Trust me, that guy is bad news."

_That guy? He better not be talking about me._

This time, I heard the sound of scuffling and Xion crying out. I almost peered around the corner but stopped myself when I heard rustling paper, and then a small, sad chuckle from Riku. "Fair enough. You could say I am…the biggest nobody of them all."

I was confused. But I was also angry, because I kept getting the feeling that Riku and Xion were sharing something between themselves, something secret, something _I _didn't know about.

"Hey!" I stumbled around the corner and stopped short. They were standing close—_too _close—and I couldn't help but notice that they were holding hands. Xion's eyes widened, the weirdest opaque blue I had ever seen. But Riku seemed otherwise unfazed, turquoise eyes mocking me, jeering at me for being unable to do anything.

But he was wrong.

Xion nearly shrieked when I grabbed Riku by the collar, but she stopped herself just in time, both hands over her mouth. My eyes went to Riku, who was still wearing that expression of ease on his face even though he was suspended in the air, my knuckles digging into his neck.

When I looked at Xion again, she shook her head as if to say "Stay away," and then dashed down the hall and out of sight. She was like a shadow, always out of reach.

Instead of chasing after her, I scrutinized Riku. He was pretty much the same size as me, but I was obviously stronger. Still, Riku wasn't going to let me get the best of him. His eyes flashed, and he reached out, ready to attack, when Sora's voice rang out from behind me.

"Stop!"

Startled, I let go of Riku's collar. He managed to catch his footing before he could fall. I turned around to glare at Sora, but my irritation melted when I caught sight of his expression. He looked betrayed.

"Why?"

I didn't say anything. I wasn't sure who his question was directed at, but I didn't care.

Ignoring Sora and Riku, I bent down to snatch a piece of paper that had been torn out of a notebook. In Xion's handwriting were just a few words: _Why? You're the real sham._

I looked up at Riku, was seemed to be holding back only because Sora was there (who he kept glancing at every ten seconds.)

"What do you want with her?" I asked him. I didn't want to know, but at the same time, I had to.

Riku shook his head. "It's…not what you think." He hesitated, his eyes going to Sora. "She reminds me of…Sora. I was just trying to help."

I stood, crushing the scrap of paper in my hand. "You call _this _help?"

"It's better than whatever the hell _you're _doing, Vanitas."

And he was right.

* * *

><p>There were still a lot of things about Xion that I didn't know. But at least I could have comforted myself with the fact that I was the only one who knew enough, the only one who could know more. But it seemed that Riku had been just as busy as I'd been, and I didn't think he was going to give up very easily.<p>

"Vani!"

I froze. The voice had been too effeminate to be Lea's, but the nickname still sent a jolt of tangible pain somewhere through my chest. I gritted my teeth and turned around. Maybe I should have just gone home after lunch. But with a few more hours left, I had decided to stick around. My next class was only a few feet from here. Just a few feet. Then why did some annoying girl with blond hair and an evil grin have to ruin that for me?

"Shut up," I said. "Don't call me that."

"Why?" The girl smirked. The cocky little bitch. "Because Lea calls you that?"

I glared at her. If I didn't know better, this girl had to be…

"Relena." She was baring white teeth. "Lea's girlfriend."

"Oh, well, you seem to be very concerned about the fact that he's in a coma and he could never wake up." I couldn't believe how easily I could say something like that.

The comment didn't seem to bother her at all. She just sneered at me, hands on her hips. "I could say the same thing for you, seeing as you put him there in the first place. But that's OK. It's in your blood, right?"

I took a step toward her. "What the hell are you going on about?"

Relena wasn't about to back down. "I know all about him, Vanitas. All about your good-for-nothing father and his—"

"_Shut up!_"

This time she really did stop, just a little anxious at the loudness of my voice. A couple people turned to see what was going on, and a few began to chant for a fight. I wasn't going to give them that satisfaction this time. I may have been vulgar and empty, but I wasn't gonna hit a girl—not for something this small, anyway. Then again, if she said another word about my _father…_

"Mr. Hunter."

Wasn't the day just full of surprises? Relena's mouth dropped open as she gazed at the person behind me. I hadn't heard the voice in a while—I had been skillfully avoiding him for the past two months—but I didn't need to see the ridiculously long silver hair or bright blue eyes to know who it was.

Sephiroth: my personal henchmen from the government that cared.

* * *

><p>The first thing I was aware of after the incident was seeing scorch marks on my hands and wondering how they had gotten there. The people around me, all strangers, refused to tell me where I was or how I'd arrived at this massive building that looked nothing like home but came along with all the same bitter feelings.<p>

I remember locking myself into the room they'd given me; one with no windows and a small cot in one corner—like a prison cell, I recall thinking. I remember curling up onto the bed and waiting for the tears to come. The sound of rain against the worn-out roof was hypnotizing, and I laid there, my eyes wide open, thinking of nothing. For once my thoughts didn't wander. My mind was a clear sheet of white emptiness.

There were several knocks on the door, distant, as if in another universe. The rapping became sharp, impatient, and I sat up, my golden eyes trained on the door, which was suspiciously peppered with scratch marks and peeling wood.

"Y…yes?"

"Vanitas Hunter? You're needed in the office."

The cold, emotionless voice sent a shudder through me, and for a second the sound of water pelting the rooftop magnified tenfold. I heard retreating footsteps behind the door, and I found it hard to believe this was how things were going to be from then on. That no one would give me a second glance, that I would be just another depressed kid amongst hundreds of others—and no one would give a damn.

I got to my feet, swaying for a moment as the world came rushing back to me. I opened the door, trying in vain to remember when I had locked it, how long I had lain there in a black abyss. I found myself wandering the hallways of the orphanage, staring at anyone who passed by—they must have thought I was crazy—and trying to figure out where the "office" was.

It ended up being the room across from mine, a sleek black door with marginally no wear and tear. I entered the office slowly, hoping it was empty, hoping I would be able to go back to my room and continue thinking of nothing.

"Mr. Hunter?"

I had never been addressed as such, and for a second I was unsure; perhaps they had mistaken me for my father? But the man spoke again, after a small sigh. "Vanitas?"

I stepped into view. "That's…that's me." I cleared my throat. I didn't like how my voice was shaking. The man that sat behind the desk looked as expressionless as I had imagined; his eyes were so dark they looked black. _Like pits. _I shivered involuntarily.

"Sit."

I took a deep breath and dropped into the seat in front of him, one that vaguely reminded me of torture chairs I had seen in a movie once.

I waited for the man to speak. When he didn't, I asked shakily, "You wanted me here?"

The man nodded, brushing his uncharacteristically long silver hair out of his face, and for a second I imagined warmth in his eyes, a flicker of fake concern—a premonition at the most.

"Yes. Vanitas, I am obligated to ask you… What did you see?"

I was confused. It was strange to be a treated almost as if I were an adult, strange that I had authority over whatever I told him. But I wasn't about to be fooled.

"I don't understand."

I answered honestly, because I was sure he would see through any lies.

The man folded his hands on the desk in front of him. He had several tiny scars on his knuckles—familiar scars. Almost automatically, I pushed my chair backward, away from him. He didn't notice.

"We would like to know what you saw tonight, Vanitas."

I had no idea what he was talking about. Not then. What I had seen tonight? Frustratingly, I couldn't remember _anything_. Just that something horrible had happened, something horrible _I_ had done. An overwhelming feeling of guilt knotted in my stomach, and still I shook my head. "I can't… I can't remember."

"Are you sure?"

"I… I don't know." I looked down at my hands, small, calloused, weak. I felt ashamed, because this man said I was supposed to remember and I couldn't. Tears welled up in my eyes. Why was I crying?

I coughed, covering my mouth, and looked up to see the man staring at me curiously, like I was a plaything he was to observe. I wanted to hate him, but instead I found myself trying to please him. I was a coward, even back then.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, "I can't remember anything."

This time the warmth wasn't imagined. I looked back at his knuckles—no scars. Had I imagined them, too? I realized I'd been holding my breath, and I exhaled slowly, deeply.

A question nagged at me. "Where…my mother…I…"

The words were hard to form, but the man understood what I was trying to say because his expression visibly hardened. "It's too late to discuss these things right now. I would like you to go to bed and get some rest."

I stood up without thinking, but paused again at the doorway.

"I… I don't know what to call you."

The man looked up from some papers on his desk. His eyes weren't dark at all; they were a bright cross between blue and green, almost welcoming. He looked…amused. "What would you like to call me?"

"Your…first name." I nodded. "Yeah. First name."

The fleeting amusement was gone. "Call me Sephiroth."

_Such a strange name, _I thought. But I was too afraid to ask what it meant, fearing he would ask for mine in return.

"Good night, Sephiroth," I managed.

He nodded at me. "Good night, Vanitas."

* * *

><p>The present Sephiroth didn't look nearly as intimidating as he had once seemed. His catlike cyan eyes flashed at Relena over my shoulder, and I heard her shuffle backwards.<p>

I turned around and waved. "Bye, Relena."

She didn't look at me at all. With one last glance at Sephiroth, she adjusted her backpack and left, tossing frightened glimpses over her shoulder. Yeah, Sephiroth had that effect.

"Nice seeing you again," I said to Sephiroth, trying to keep my voice nonchalant. He didn't smile. He didn't glare either, just crossed his arms.

"You've been avoiding me."

I shrugged. "Yeah well, you know how I've been. Busy, busy."

"Busy sending people to hospitals, you mean."

I cringed. "Really? You too? Just when I think someone's on my side…"

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. "I _am _on your side. But you have to meet me halfway, Mr. Hunter."

"Vanitas." I corrected him. "And if you haven't noticed, I don't exactly have the means to do that."

"I have been informed that you are in possession of a motorbike, yes?"

I balked. "Is that why they didn't strip my license? So I could stop by the _orphanage?_"

Sephiroth's silence confirmed my suspicions. "Stop by tomorrow, Mr. Hunt—Vanitas. Four o'clock. My office."

"Or what?"

"Or we're taking you back."

"What do you mean '_taking me back_?'" I demanded. "You can't honestly be saying—"

The bell rang. I was late. Sephiroth didn't seem to hear it at all. "Recently, your living conditions have been less than sufficient. If you do not make it to this meeting, we _will _bring you back." Somehow, his eyes softened. "I know you don't want to come back. Be there at four."

He nodded, once, and then strode past me. I felt my hands clenching into fists. I would never go back there, no matter what happened. Why was it that I kept getting pummeled with more things to worry about?

Instead of heading to the office for a pass or to my next class, I headed for the guidance office before remembering Alida had left. I guess I should have realized I couldn't keep using her to take my mind off things. I'd already seen what that had done. Shit, why was I so twisted and messed up? Wanting to punch something, I ended up denting some poor kid's locker just as the last bell ring. I glared up at the ceiling, surprised. I hadn't realized how long I'd been prowling the hallways. Stalking down the hall, I told myself I would go straight home so I could break another chair or something. My blood was boiling, and I felt the heat spreading throughout my body, threatening to swallow my whole being.

I kept my head down as I walked, tuning out the chatter around me, and made a dash for the door, pushing aside several protesting students. I felt a restless beast within me, struggling against its binds to free itself. It was getting harder and harder to keep it restrained, with each passing thought of Xion with the twins, Xion with Riku, Xion with anyone else but me.

"_Stay away from my daughter." _

"_We _will _bring you back."_

"_It's in your blood, right? I know all about him, Vanitas. All about your good-for-nothing father and his…"_

"Hey there, Vanitas!"

That last voice wasn't in my head. I looked up, but regretted responding immediately when Ventus grinned at me, obviously unaware of my gritted teeth and cracking knuckles. That kid just didn't know how to take a hint. He was the idiot one, obviously. Ventus.

"Did you hear?" he went on, still grinning from ear to ear. "Roxas asked Xion out!"

Why? Why did he think I would like to know something like that? Why did he not realize that was probably the worst thing he could have said to me in that instant? I was looking at him, but all I could see was that face being what Xion would look forward to every day. Ventus's disgustingly cheerful expression wavered.

I was on him in seconds, punching, yelling, beating him to the ground. I wish he'd said something. I wish he'd told me to stop. I wish he had defended himself. But he just let himself get pummeled. And I kept screaming, hitting him. I might have killed him too, if someone hadn't grabbed me from behind and yanked me off him. I could see the silent acceptance on his face, like he didn't mind the fact that I had nearly killed him, that he was already bleeding all over. And that only made me mad. I launched myself at him again, but I'd forgotten about the person who had dragged me off him in the first place until he was right in front of me, with the same hair, the same eyes, the same face—just a whole lot angrier.

"What are you doing?"

I glared at him. "Showing him his place."

Roxas was shaking, half in fury, and half in something else. "What did he ever do to you?"

_Nothing. He did nothing to me. _"Out of my way, wimp."

Roxas's eyes flashed. His voice shook, but he stood his ground. "No."

I sneered. "You wanna try that again?"

He faltered. I could sense his fear, could see it flicker across the blue hues of his eyes. He sucked in a breath, as if he was about to scream, but all he did was shake his head. It looked like it had taken every ounce of his willpower to make that one movement, and the fact that he was bracing himself, that he assumed I wouldn't hold back threw me off. This was the guy who knew. Who knew I wasn't as good as everyone thought I was, who knew I could kill him—_would _kill him—in the next few seconds.

But why wasn't I moving? There was a crowd surrounding the three of us, but none of them were chanting. They watched, horrified, as I moved forward. Roxas stood before me, eyes full of fear but determination, and behind him, Ventus cowered in pain.

I raised my fist. My whole body was shaking from the effort. I knew I had to stop, that if I didn't, I would lose myself forever. But for once it didn't sound so bad. Not if this was the real me. If that were true, I wouldn't mind losing myself at all.

"What are you waiting for?" For a guy who was about to piss his pants, Roxas had some nerve. His voice broke the last chord that had been hanging in the air, and my fist came down on his face, the impact throwing him sideways. Someone screamed, as Roxas got to his feet, staggering slightly, his cheek already turning purple from the bruise.

I swung again, this time catching him in the arm. He ducked, and just when I was wondering if he would fight back, his foot slammed into my leg. I swore, lunging at him again. This time, I would make him pay. I would—

"Roxas!"

Everyone froze. Time itself appeared to hesitate. The people around me had stopped breathing through the midst of a collective gasp. I'd always told myself that I would hear her voice one day, that I would make her talk, make her answer me. Break through her walls or build them to replace the nonexistent ones. I still wonder how I even recognized that shrill, broken scream, how the sound of his name, _his _name and not _mine, _nearly stole my remaining sense of self. I turned, slowly, the ragged twins disappearing, blurring through my vision.

She had broken through the circle. Her chest was rising and falling, sapphire eyes so wide I could have reached out and pulled the jewels from them. She was small, so small, so how could her voice have been so loud? Perhaps I had always known what she sounded like, through her shared thoughts and last words photocopied onto a simple page. Perhaps I had always known that I would never know her, never be able to claim her as my own. And that if she ever spoke at all, she would never speak _my _name, one that only meant emptiness and vanity—all the things I most certainly was.

I opened my mouth. What was I going to say? But she wasn't going to let me. Not this time. She whirled around, short black hair flowing with her movement, and the crowd parted to let her through.

I reached out as if I was close enough to grab her, as if I could stop her from leaving once again. But I was too slow, too weak.

I thought of that one last look of anguish that had settled over her features at the sight of me as she turned and ran.

* * *

><p><strong>Review Responses:<strong>

**The Dismotivator: "So, one reason I disagreed with Xion's assumption of Vanitas being afraid of losing happiness was that he didn't have happiness in the first place, and thus cannot be afraid to lose it."**

I think you're totally right on that note. I did mention that in this chapter as well. I suppose, however, that the time Vanitas spent before, at least some select memories with his mother, may have been close to happy. Then again, you don't know much about his past anyway, so we shall see when more is revealed…

"**Personally, I hope we see her again. After this, she's about as awesome as Axel was in... everywhere."**

Goodness, _that _awesome? Haha, I'm not sure if we will, but it'll probably happen. I try to keep characters consistent, even minor ones. Even ones you may have forgotten. *Mysterious music*

"**You know, I've always wanted to see counseling files. But how do you know what's in them? Are you a counselor? O_o Or... a SPY...?"**

Eh? *scoff* How could I possibly be a spy? (It seems I may have to eliminate you now that you have found out) Anyway, no, I don't, I just sort of assumed. I hope it was believable.

**Mrmeowski: "I like how seem vanitas is almost releasing a bunch of pent up aggression and anger from when he was young."**

Thanks! It's what I've been going for, anyway. He definitely has problems relating to his past. Hopefully, Xion will help him get through them, eh?

**Well, that's it for review replies.**

**Sorry for keeping everyone waiting so long. I hope this long chapter makes up for it, and also stirs up a lot of commotion in your brains. Any theories about Vanitas's past? Any angry rants, surprised gasps? We all knew Xion was going to speak sooner or later. Or at least, **_**I **_**knew, hehe….**

**All feedback is welcome. The next chapter will not take as long, hopefully. Thanks again to all my reviewers, and also, a great big hug from me because I REACHED 50 REVIEWS! I was honestly so happy when I got my 50****th**** review. It's been a pleasure so far. Let's have faith that this awesomeness continues :) **

**Until next time, my lovelies!**

**(By the way, you're welcome for the cliffhanger!)**

**~DestinyCrusader**


	15. Chapter 15: Whys and Wildflowers

_**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, Disney or anything Square Enix.**_

_**Apologies: For the massive delay. The next chapter will not take as long, I promise.**_

_**Thanks to: My reviewers and my awesome beta, Mystics Apprentice.**_

_**Also: Happy belated VanShion day everyone!**_

_**Warning: A mind in a state of chaos can be very hard to understand.**_

* * *

><p><em>Bête Noire<em>

_Chapter Fifteen: Whys and Wildflowers_

All my life I've been chasing things. Things just out of reach, things so far away I couldn't even see them anymore. Ever since Xion wrote her own name on that whiteboard in English class, ever since she'd barged into my life up there on that rotten roof, I'd been chasing things even more than before.

This time, I didn't chase Xion. I watched her go, running, running, running…

Gone.

I couldn't chase after her.

I couldn't because I was sure now, of a truth I couldn't run away from anymore.

_I'm just like my father._

"What's going on?"

Who would have thought a police officer would break up a high school fight? And I knew this one too. He was the same one I had delivered that package to, the one with the scary wife. The dot on his forehead was still just as weird.

Kids shuffled out of the way so he could see what had happened. Some of the more wimpy ones were already leaving, fleeing the scene before they could be questioned for doing absolutely nothing.

I could tell that the police officer recognized my face; his eyes widened when he saw me, his mouth opening slightly. But he didn't say anything, just pressed his lips together and walked past me towards the twins.

By the time he and Roxas had pulled Ventus (I remembered him telling me it was "Ven") back onto his feet, almost everyone was gone, off to their own measly little homes with their measly little problems. I didn't think once about running when the officer wasn't looking—he would catch me eventually. There was no point…

No point in running away from myself.

Together, his brother and the officer dragged Ven down to the school infirmary, which was a place I kept coming back to somehow. I followed them, hands shoved into my pockets, and waited for the inevitable.

Once they'd gotten Ven into a hospital bed (the nurse had a massive heart attack at the sight of him) the officer turned to me. There was almost nothing in his eyes, just an eerily stern look; the same look he'd been wearing when I handed him that package the day I crashed into Lea.

"So you're the culprit?"

Evidently, Roxas had told him everything.

Then again, maybe it was so obvious that no one had to tell him anyway.

I nodded.

"Follow me."

_Sure will. _Not looking back at Roxas hunched over his brother's semi-conscious body, I followed the unnamed police officer out the door. I really thought he was gonna take me straight to jail, but instead I found myself heading towards the principal's office. Seriously?

I braced myself for another drawn-out lecture from Mrs. Caramel, but she was too horrified to speak. Only when the officer stepped forward and introduced himself as Tseng did she get a grip on herself.

She couldn't suspend me again, she told me. If I missed any more days of school I'd have to repeat the year. I told her she could just go ahead and expel me, that I didn't care, and she got all quiet again.

"You…don't care?"

I shrugged. "Not really, no."

Mrs. Caramel swallowed loudly. Tseng stood beside me, as still as a statue, and I suddenly wondered if he was there to make sure I didn't attack anyone else.

I laughed. So I was a public threat now, huh?

Mrs. Caramel looked deeply troubled. Her brows furrowed and she stared at me, eyes trying to see me, to understand me. Why was it so hard for her to just kick me out? I obviously didn't belong here. I was going to voice that thought when Tseng spoke up with an idea.

I ended up with community service. Curse that Tseng for coming up with something like that, and curse Mrs. Caramel for being too soft, for being too idiotic. Fifty hours, she told me. _Fifty. Well, fuck._ "I contacted Sephiroth," she told me. _Brilliant._ So now I had to do some boring shit for all those hours or I was gonna get stuck back in penitentiary (_I mean, the _orphanage,_ of _course) for the rest of my life.

I headed for the infirmary. I knew I wouldn't be welcome. I just wanted to see how he was doing. I hoped Ven wouldn't become the second person I'd thrown into a coma. It couldn't be that bad, could it? _But I did hit him pretty hard_. He'd been bleeding from a lot of places.

He hadn't resisted. _Why didn't he resist? Why didn't he fight back? _There was so much I wanted to know, so much I had no right to ask.

"Vanitas?"

I stopped. Looked up.

"What… What are you doing here?" Terra asked.

Did he already know what had happened? Raising a hand in greeting, I didn't answer his question and kept walking. He 'd just exited the infirmary, and was now standing right in front of it. Of course he already knew. _And I bet he knows who did it, too, even if no one bothered to tell him._

Terra was at a loss for words. I thought he'd been visiting Lea today? I guess he came back. But school had already ended. `Nothing was making sense!

"Vanitas."

His voice was steadier this time. He crossed his arms, glaring at me. What did he want me to do, apologize? About Ven? About _Lea_? Well, he was wasting his time. I wasn't gonna do any of those things.

"Why did you do it?"

Oh yeah, I forgot how damn _annoying _Terra was. I looked him straight in the eye when I answered. "He pissed me off."

"That's not a good enough—"

"Shut up, Terra! Can't you see where this is going? We've had this conversation fifty fucking times already!"

Terra hesitated. The sudden spark of that anger had already melted from his face. He learned to control it a long time ago. "Look, Vanitas. I was wrong before. About—"

"I don't wanna hear any of your bullshit." And without even glancing at him or the infirmary door again, I stalked past him. He was admitting he was wrong? Was he trying to be friends again? I couldn't stick around.

I wanted to kick myself once I got outside. I was losing control of everything. What would have happened if I hadn't left? I had nearly asked him to forgive me. I almost did. But I couldn't.

Because at that point, I didn't want him to.

* * *

><p>I'd forgotten I didn't ride my bike to school. Did I have work? I wasn't sure. I hadn't talked to Cloud ever since he gave me back my keys. Maybe that told me something. Maybe I was overdue for another conversation. Then again, I had new things to worry about. Fifty hours of community service, right? What was I supposed to do about that? <em>What counts as community service? <em>

Shifting through question after question, I was home. _So fast. _I stared at the front door, remembering what I'd been thinking the first time I saw it; my father had yanked me by the elbow because I didn't want to go. _I didn't want to go. _Why didn't I?

Someone was singing. No, humming. A memory floated to the front of my mind, pulled from a mess of recollections, things I had tried to let go of so many times: the same tune, the same humming, but at a different time, a different place, a different life.

I turned around.

And there she was, making her way down the sidewalk with a bouquet of flowers tucked inside her arms. _So many colors. _There was yellow, and white, attached to green stems and leaves. And there was blue. I liked blue; they were the color of her eyes.

I didn't know if she ever wanted to see me again. _She said Roxas's name, not mine._

I didn't care. I backed away from my door, putting it off for just a little longer. It would be hard (I could admit that now) but it was about time I ended things with Xion. Ended what? It was just another one of my pathetic desires—the desire that these past few days had meant more to her than they actually had. Ridiculous games of charades, midday chases, a few seconds in a dark closet and heart-to-hearts on roofs—I'd spent more time with her than I'd realized, and maybe they meant something to me after all. Why did they? I didn't know. But I had to end it, whatever it was. For her sake.

Xion didn't look up at me when I fell into step beside her.

"Hey," I said.

She didn't answer. Maybe the fact that she had said something didn't matter, maybe she had gone back into her shell once more. Maybe she wasn't gonna say anything else after all.

"Why?"

Or maybe she was.

"Huh?"

Really, I knew exactly what she was talking about, but I didn't answer. I just didn't _want_ to answer. And even more, I wanted to hear that voice again, a voice I hadn't heard until today, a voice that I wanted to love but somehow hated, all at once.

The flowers in her hands were shaking. She stopped walking and finally looked at me. "Why did you fight them?"

I stared at her, watching her lips as they moved. It was hard to believe that words were coming out of that mouth, that she was capable of making sound, of saying what she was thinking. It was hard to believe that the constant searching for answers, the mysteries hidden in that silence didn't matter as much anymore even though I had the means to gain them, now that I was completely sure of who—_what_—I was. Her lips stopped moving, had probably stopped moving a while ago as she waited for my answer, my explanation. It was funny how the simplest action of staring at the slight curve of her mouth made me want to lean in and—

"Va— Vanitas?"

The sound of my name on those perfect, perfect lips prompted an answer, the same answer I'd given Terra. "He pissed me off. I couldn't help it. And that Roxas kid just decided to butt in. He should've known he was being a total idiot—"

"He was…protecting his brother!" The anger in her voice was very real, but like always, it was her pretty blue eyes that made me feel truly guilty. "You…were going to…"

"Kill him? I guess I was."

Her eyes widened, and she dropped her head to look at the cracks in the sidewalk stretching into infinity. "I just…thought you were…different…" She paused often, choosing each word carefully. She was still getting used to speaking. Her voice was soft, the words shaking themselves into a broken sentence. It was pitiful.

"Well, you aren't the first person."

Xion didn't say anything more. Maybe she exhausted herself by saying so much. She didn't start walking again either. I waited.

And then she reached out and took my hand in hers. And I was too shocked to say anything even when she looked up again. There was a small, sad smile on her lips. Her hand was soft.

"You can…stop holding back now."

I pulled my hand out of hers. No, this wasn't working. This wasn't ending. Why wasn't it ending? "What the hell do you mean, loser?"

Xion didn't react to my sudden name-calling. She just smiled at me, sadly, sympathetically. Pity? No, it was something else. Something warm. _Damn it._

"Sometimes...we just have to…let it all go."

No. She couldn't know. But somehow, she did. She reached for my hand again, but I pulled it back, moved away from her. "Don't touch me! How can you still talk to me if you know?" I was losing it, I was losing it, I had to control myself. But I couldn't. "I'm not normal, Xion. There's something _wrong _with me! I have no _fucking idea _why I hit that kid! I was mad, sure, but it's not like I haven't been mad before. Do you know he didn't even fight back…? And I… I—"

"Do you…want to walk?"

It felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach. I blinked, trying to breathe. "What?"

Xion shrugged at me. The smile was gone, but her expression was still gentle, welcoming.

I stared at the flowers in her hands. "Where are you headed?" What did I mean? No. I was supposed to turn around. Walk away. But I didn't move.

I was only greeted by familiar silence. Instead, she started walking again so that I had to follow, and I inwardly praised her cleverness. Even when I questioned why she still spoke to me, even when all I wanted to do was run away and lock myself into my house forever, I wanted to be around her. I was being selfish. And stupid. I had to leave. _This has to end!_

But it didn't end. Xion didn't say anything the rest of the way. Halfway there she started to hum something soft and sad, and I remembered again that night I had brought her home. She'd been humming the same thing.

"Shut up."

And she did, holding the flowers closer to herself. She still hadn't told me where we were going, and I still didn't turn around and leave. Why, why, why? I was sick of the questions.

And then we were there: A graveyard, a cheap little patch of ground with a broken gate. Xion breezed through the dangling metal entrance without pause. This wasn't the first time she'd been here. Of course, I'd seen her with flowers before. Not a lover after all, then.

Something strange was happening. Xion was pausing every few seconds and moving on. She wasn't looking for someone specific. She was just staring, shaking her head, drifting through the graves like she belonged there, like the only difference was her solid form still existing above the ground. I shuddered.

"What are you doing?"

Her silence was back, apparently. At least for now. I dragged myself after her, a magnet being pulled from both sides. I wanted to leave. I wanted to stay. I wanted to die.

"This one." Hey, two more words. Progress. Xion knelt down to place flowers in front of the gravestone. I moved to stand beside her. _Pence Victus. _

"You knew him?"

She shook her head, but refused to elaborate. She didn't know him? Then what the hell was she doing?

I stared at the bright-colored wildflowers she'd so carefully placed right under his name, and I was seized with the sudden desire to trample on them and kill that small fragment of beauty that dared exist on something that marked his death.

No more. I had the power to end it now. The only way was to forget the goodbyes and the would-have-beens and just leave. So I left the graveyard. But not before noticing that there were a bunch of wildflowers, the same exact ones, on _her _grave too.

* * *

><p>Staring out the window wasn't enough anymore. Maybe I should have said goodbye. Is that why I was staring out the window, waiting for her to pass by? I had to get away from here.<p>

I found myself standing at the foot of the stairs that led to the attic. It had been so long since I'd been up there that I'd forgotten what it looked like. For a moment I stood frozen on the first step, caught between indecision, for an eternity. Finally, I started to make my way up, unable to stand the idea of spending another hour staring out the window. I had to get away from everything. I would definitely lose my mind if I hadn't already.

The steps creaked under my weight and I climbed faster. I wasn't exactly prepared to fall through fifty inches of cheap floorboards to my death. What would happen if the floor suddenly gave way and I did fall? Where would I land? I suppose I'd fall all the way to hell, where I would fit right in. If that didn't happen, I guess I would just lie there, splattered with blood and cuts and nails, until I rotted to death. And no one would ever notice me gone. The options? _Let's go through them. _Not Terra, after our brief conversation today. I was pretty sure all our ties from any sort of past were severed, which was a good thing.

But maybe…Xion would. Or I just wanted to think that. Reaching the attic, I turned around to gaze back down the stairs I just scaled, wondering when my thoughts had turned to such meaningless things. I'd been great before. None of this nonstop-questioning shit. Maybe I had just been oblivious to that true nature inside me. Terra was at fault for that one. He hadn't been the perfect kid either (jeez, we'd pulled a lot of things together) but eventually he'd changed, and I guess he'd left me in the dust and it just took me this long to realize it.

Now, where was I? Falling into the depths of Tartarus? Oh, wait. The attic.

And there was the bell. The doorbell? Who was it, Cloud? If he'd come here to ask me to work for him, I would have to punch him or something so he never wanted to see me again. Maybe Ventus? No, of course not. Right, I'd beaten him senseless today.

I left the attic behind me again, descending the steps three, four at a time. Why was I answering the door again? I could just ignore the doorbell. I could pretend I wasn't here. I could pretend I was dead.

But no, I was already at the front door. I already knew who it was. She wasn't going to let me say goodbye, was she? I almost smiled. I would be the death of her.

I opened the door. There she was, looking sad and happy all at once, like always.

She cleared her throat.

_Oh, gonna say something again? _

"Can I…" She tilted her head and tried again, just a little louder. "Can I come in?"

She held out a single, golden wildflower. A tribute.

_Why?_

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><p><strong>Review Responses:<strong>

**OmegaStarShooter14: "Why must you characters get in the way of my happy ending?"**

I can totally imagine them laughing at our misery. Believe me, I don't have much control over them either.

**Guest: "This is one of the best stories that I've read in a long time."**

Aw, thanks so much. I feel terrible for not updating more regularly. But tomorrow is my last day of school (finally) and so I promise updates will be more frequent now.

**Zack1187: "…way to take possibly the saddest moment in kingdom hearts history and make it sadder."**

Why thank you. I wasn't sure how that worked out and I didn't want things to sound repetitive or out-of-place, so I'm glad it was effective.

**Inmate XIV: "Sorry it's been so long, by the way. D;"**

Hey it's no problem! I'm not gonna say I don't love reviews, but you should not feel bad about not reviewing once in a while, hehe. Life can be tough, so read fanfiction and sally forth!

**The Dismotivator: "My three favorite chapters of this story so far (listed in chronological order) are Lament, Icing on the Cake, and this one, Loose Cannon."**

Not sure I'd necessarily list them in that order, but those are some of the chapters I had most fun writing. I think that says something doesn't it? It's often said that the chapters you yourself enjoy writing generally turn up better.

"**If I were about to do what the letter suggested (trying to keep reviews as spoiler-free as possible, here) then I'd keep it a secret until I succeeded."**

I was hoping that the fact the letter was there implied that Xion had already tried and ultimately failed, and someone had eventually found the note.

"**Is Xion right-handed or left-handed in this story, by the way?"**

This never occurred to me and so I have no idea. Let's say she's a leftie for the sake of the whole Xion being a reflection thing. This may or not come up in the future. And haha, papa Roxas. This needs to be real. *Eyes glaze over*

"**I'm wondering how Vanitas was able to come up with something like that when, as he said, he never experienced it himself."**

I'll just graze this lightly here because it will come up later, but over the years Vanitas's bitterness has made his life worse, and has simultaneously affected his memories from the past. The fact that he can imagine something as such is evidence that he has to have experienced something similar. I hope that was at least a little clear, xD As for other things… For spoiler-free-ness's sake, I will not comment on your awesome theories just yet.

"**Next we have Relena. Personally, if I were to give Larxene a human name, it would be Arlene, because it sounds more plausible and slightly French."**

I think the reason I went with Relena was that the structure of the name "Arlene" was too similar to Larxene, especially with the "ene" at the end. Everyone thought Saix's name would be Sai and it ended up being Isa, so I just wanted to follow that same line of thought, I suppose. Then again, it could easily be Arlene.

"**But does Sephiroth work at an orphanage or something? Like, caretaker Sephiroth? Isn't he kinda too creepy for that? *shot by Sephiroth fangirl* Of course, he might not be. :/"**

Ooh, thanks so much, this brings up an important point that I didn't realize was worth mentioning. The Sephiroth in this story is based on Pre-Final Fantasy VII Sephiroth, or (slight spoiler here…) Crisis Core Sephiroth. In Crisis Core, it's learned that Sephiroth was a very admired, honorable and even amiable hero. I sort of automatically adopted that character rather than the one after, when he pretty much goes insane after finding out who (or what) he really is.

"**...Kids, don't play with matches and lighters. You might end up chasing questionably-straight people down hallways later in your life if you do."**

I must thank you again with all the wonderful laughter you bring me with your reviews :)

"**Which reminds me, what voice did Vanitas read Xion's letter in if he'd never heard her speak? O_o"**

Now this is a very debatable question. What sort of voice do you hear when you read things? As you read this now? Your own voice? It might me, but mostly (at least for me) it's this strange voiceless whisper that may or may not resemble my own voice. On the other hand, Vanitas could have easily read the letter in a voice he assumed was similar to Xion's depending on her character.

And yay! Cyber-cake! A hundred reviews sounds lovely, really. And believe it or not, we still have much to go, so look out for the next chapter.

I swear it'll be earlier this time. I will never make you guys wait over two months again. But you know, I hope you guys weren't two bored in my absence. Because_ guess what_? KINGDOM HEARTS III KIDDIES! OH YEAH! If you don't follow me on tumblr already…

destinycrusader. tumblr(dotcom)

Until next time, everyone! Thank you for all the wonderful reviews and your continued support. As for this chapter, I'd love feedback on how the style of rambling thoughts and broken phrases worked with Vanitas's mind and the overall tone. Things are finally starting to work out between Vanitas and Xion, don't ya think? Hope it wasn't too slow ;) LOVE YOU ALL!

(_And guess what? KINGDOM HEARTS THREEEEE)_

~DestinyCrusader


	16. Chapter 16: Pandora's Box

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, Disney, or anything Square Enix.**

**LANGUAGE WARNING: Vanitas cannot help himself, please forgive him.**

**TRIGGER WARNING: Cutting.**

**THANKS TO: My wonderful reviewers, readers, and my beta, Mystics Apprentice, who beta-read this chapter as fast as she could and sent it right back towards me at the speed of light. A shout-out to RO-VAN as well, for reasonably pestering me with messages and pushing me to finish this chapter.**

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><p><strong>LAST TIME on BÊTE NOIRE: <strong>

**(Because it has been SO FREAKING LONG since I last updated, here is a brief summary of what has happened recently in the life of Vanitas Hunter. If you have an epic memory and do not need a recap, SALLY FORTH and skip the rest of this bolded A/N section.)**

**Alida quits her job and gives Vanitas Xion's counseling files because she is badass. Vanitas hugs her as thanks. He goes home and he reads Xion's suicide letter from a past failed attempt at killing herself.**

**Then he goes to her house and tries not to throw teacups at her father. Aeleus is not amused and tells Vanitas to stay away from his daughter. Pfft, like Vanitas is gonna listen to him. HE DOES WHAT HE WANTS, FOOL.**

**Ahem. The next day Vanitas stares at Xion all cute-like. Then he chases Riku (yep, AGAIN) down a hallway and finds him with Xion, DUN DUN DUN. He almost hits Riku but Sora comes to the rescue. Relena teases Vanitas about Lea. Then Sephiroth appears, fashionably late, and tells Vanitas he needs to stop by his office at Vanitas's old children's home the next day at four o'clock or he has to live there again. Now Vanitas is a little angry.**

**Ventus is the last straw, because he thinks it's a good idea to tell Vanitas Roxas asks Xion out. Terrible stuff happens. Vanitas beats up Ventus and Roxas tries to defend him. XION SPEAKS!**

**Terra and Vanitas have another brief argument before Vanitas leaves. Terra is better off without him, he thinks. (He is most likely WRONG.)**

**Vanitas sees Xion later with wildflowers which she puts on Pence's grave even though she doesn't know him. They exchange words. Vanitas doesn't know what he wants. He turns around and runs home, but Xion shows up soon after with a golden flower as a peace offering.**

**And NOW, WE CONTINUE!**

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><p><em>Bête Noire<em>

_Chapter Sixteen: Pandora's Box _

Xion was holding out the flower—it wasn't dead, I had to give it that much—as if it were a peace offering, a form of apology, or maybe even something like a show of good faith. What she said next only confirmed that nagging theory.

"Can… I… Can I come in?"

I accepted the peace offering, and stepped back to let her in. The last time she had been here, I'd threatened to tell her father about her scars. I'd asked her if she would sleep with me to keep me quiet. I thought I'd scared her away forever. But here she was again, knowing I could do anything to her, but coming in anyway, walking over to the attic steps and giving me a questioning look, as if asking me what was up there.

I twirled the wildflower in my fingertips, switching it between hands, thinking. Finally, I set it down on the kitchen countertop and grabbed at Xion's hand— might as well make the most of something that was about to end anyway.

"Let's go."

Together, we climbed the steps, our paces matching each other's: right, left, right, left. The floorboards creaked under our combined weight, and again I wondered about falling straight down to Hades' Palace. The prospect wasn't so desirable anymore, not with Xion's small hand in mine, not with the thought that if I fell, I'd be pulling her down with me.

As soon as we reached the attic, Xion slipped her from mine, leaving me cold and empty. She walked towards something in the corner of the small room. She didn't know, so why was she gravitating towards the one thing that I'd always wanted to get rid of but never could? And now she was lifting the cloth from over it, letting it fall to the dust-covered floor.

My old piano. For a second she just stared. Then she took a seat on the bench, tracing her fingers over the keys, and just when I thought she was going to start playing, she turned to look at me.

"Do you play?"

I shook my head. "Not anymore."

She didn't voice her next thought, but I could see it in her eyes: _why not?_

Shaking my head at her, I joined her side at the piano bench and stared at the keys.

Despite the years that had passed, despite the thick layer of dust that blanketed every other surface of the room, the keys were sleek, screaming to be played. They were dark and light, black and white, in pure coexistence— the only place where they didn't devour each other's souls.

"Play."

It was one word— one, simple, word, and yet she couldn't have said it two days ago. She was staring at me, her smile slight and hesitant, but she was tense, taut with unease. Every word she chose to say was probably carefully picked from amongst millions of other possible choices.

"You want me to play? How the hell do you even know if I still can?"

She shrugged at me and turned towards the piano keys, as if waiting for me to start. I couldn't help it; I laughed. I laughed, stood up, and walked away from the piano I hadn't touched ever since _she_ died.

Xion didn't follow me to the doorway. Instead, I turned around and watched as she lifted her hands, unearthing them from inside too-long sleeves, and hit a key. The piano cried out as if in alarm, cried out in pain and the anguish of sitting here, forgotten, for too many years. The note reverberated through the room, ricocheting off the walls and invading my eardrums—a marching band that just couldn't shut up—and the next thing I knew I was laying on the ground with my hands over my ears.

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><p>Someone was shaking me. I opened my eyes, blinking against the dim light. I couldn't see the ceiling. Instead, I saw a worried Xion leaning over me, scrutinizing my face.<p>

I managed to grin at her. "Hey sexy? You…having naughty thoughts?"

I expected her to blush, look mortified, but Xion just frowned. "Are you…okay?"

Trying to get past the fact that she had used—_wasted—_three words to ask if I was alright, I sat up, ignoring the throbbing in my head. "Yeah. Sure."

I stood up, and without knowing what I was doing, held out a hand to help her up from her kneeling position. And then I realized I had offered her something meaningful, something I hadn't offered anyone in so long, something I had _promised _myself I would never offer anyone ever again. I pulled it away quickly, and Xion's hand met empty air.

I took the steps four at a time, slamming my feet as I went. But the ground didn't open up underneath me and I dropped down into a chair at my kitchen table. Nothing was going like I fucking wanted it to.

Xion reached the foot of the stairs seconds after I did—had she run down the steps?—and I saw her expression soften at the sight of me. The strangest thing was that it wasn't her actions that were making me angry, but, rather, my inability to cope with them.

Xion took a seat beside me.

We were both probably thinking the same thing.

_What now?_

Then Xion said something weird.

"Do you have a marker?"

_What the fuck? _"A marker? What for?"

I was greeted by a mischievous—and admittedly charming—smile. Xion was acting very un-Xion-like. She shook her head.

"You don't want to tell me. Great. Well. I don't have one."

The next second, Xion was walking towards my door. Where was she going? I couldn't do anything else but follow. Then again, I could have decided not to. I could have done anything I wanted.

I guess I wanted to follow her.

It looked like she knew where she was going. She didn't say anything when I joined her, only smiled.

"You're looking strangely cheery."

Unexpectedly, Xion answered my observation, her shoulders rising in a subtle shrug. "I'm…just happy, I guess."

But the way she said it didn't convince me that she was happy. I stopped walking to look at her face. Her eyes didn't shine with happiness, only showed a faded misery of a thousand years.

"Liar."

I had caught her off-guard.

"You say you're happy," I went on, "but really I think you're just trying to convince yourself you are. You don't look happy to me. If you think you're happy right now, you're fucking kidding yourself, because you're miserable—It's written all over your face."

Her eyes were watering, but it needed to be said.

"You know what I think? I think you're just a little less freaking depressed than usual, and you think that means you're happy. You're smiling and humming like it's the best day of your life when it's just a little worse than every other day. You're disgusting."

Xion sniffed and stared at her hands. _Great, she's gonna cry again._

But she didn't cry. She lifted her head and looked me straight in the eye. "How do _you _know?"

"I—"

"You're just like me."

It wasn't until later, when Xion started walking again (way faster this time), did I realize she had almost said my name. She'd stopped herself, and that's when I figured out that I wanted to hear my own name come from her lips. Maybe that's why I was trying to make her angry, but Xion was harder to break than I had initially guessed.

Before I got the chance to start up another argument, Xion suddenly turned left into an inconspicuous dollar store.

It was pretty amusing to see Xion practically scowling as she marched over to the counter. The man behind the counter was grinning at us almost evilly, but that wasn't even what made him look creepy as hell. The man wore an eye patch on the left side of his face. On the right, a dark scar traced along his jaw and up towards his second eye. His greying hair was pulled back into a ponytail.

"Heya, poppet," the guy said, looking at Xion. He seemed to know her. His eye slid over her towards me, and his smirk grew even wider. "And who might this whacko be, eh?"

"He's…a friend."

I tried not to look surprised that Xion considered me a friend. _I mean, enemy or stalker I would understand, but _friend?

The man scoffed. "As if. Who are you, kid?"

"Vanitas." I gritted my teeth. I didn't like how this guy was looking at me like a piece of meat. I also couldn't understand how he knew Xion, or why he wasn't surprised to see her talking. Had he heard her voice before?

The man rolled his eyes and leaned on the counter, winking at Xion (and now completely ignoring me, might I add). "What'll it be, little poppet?"

The blush of anger on Xion's cheeks was beginning to fade. "A marker, please, Braig."

_Asshole. _Why could she say _his _name but not mine?

"Gotcha."

Braig whirled, hair flying, and his fingers moved skillfully over the boxes on the shelves, implying years of experience (poor guy).

I eyed a couple of overturned shelves littered with broken pieces of glass. "What happened _there_?"

Braig answered without turning around. "Target practice." And then he turned around and grinned at me, white teeth flashing.

He placed a small box of permanent markers on the counter. Xion turned to me expectantly.

I turned out my pockets. "Who the hell do you think I am? I got nothing."

Braig narrowed his eyes at me. "Is that any way to talk to a lady?" He winked at Xion. "It's on me, poppet. They're yours."

Xion broke into a smile, and I couldn't breathe for a second. Then the moment was over and Xion was walking out the doors.

As I made to follow, Braig called out after me. "Treat 'er well or I'll break your nose, whacko!"

Somehow, that made me laugh. "Yeah, sure."

I heard a sarcastic "As if" as the doors closed behind me.

Xion had only taken a few steps towards the direction of my house when she stopped and pointed at a sidewalk bench.

"Can we…take a break?"

I shrugged. Everything felt…bizarre. Disconnected. I was about ready to agree with anything.

We sat there for a few minutes in complete silence. I took the time to think about nothing. Then Xion broke the quiet.

"Wanna play a game?"

_Hell no. _"Sure, why not?"

This delighted Xion extensively. She turned to face me, pulling up her legs to cross them.

"Five questions," she said. "We take turns. You go first."

"No way. You mean I can ask you _anything?_"

An uncertain nod from Xion.

I pumped a fist in the air. "Aw yeah! I've been waiting for this moment my whole life."

Xion tried to hide her smile. Inside, I was dancing my ass off. Pathetic, yes. But then again, I already knew how pathetic I was.

I racked my brain. There were too many questions to narrow down to five. What to ask, what to ask…

"You promise you'll answer? No matter what?"

Now Xion looked afraid. But she nodded anyway. I fought the urge to punch the air again.

"Are you a virgin?"

No matter what anyone thinks, that is one important question. I couldn't pass up an opportunity like this.

Xion stared at the wooden planks of the bench, upset.

"Sensitive issue?" I joked. Then again, a virgin girl wasn't as big of a deal. Guys just had bigger reps to protect. There was obviously something messed up in that mindset, but it wasn't like—

"No."

"Well, that's okay. Sooner or later you'll… _What_?"

Her cheeks reddened. "I'm not."

"Oh."

"My turn," Xion rushed. "When did your mom die?"

_Really. She could have asked me any question in the world, and _this _was what she chose to ask? Why did it even matter?_

"Well," I said, "I was about seven when it happened. I've been alone ever since."

Xion nodded seriously. "I bet you miss her."

It didn't sound like a question, so I didn't answer. Instead, I raised my eyebrows. "My turn?"

"Yes."

Speaking of my mother… "What's up with the cemetery? Why would you lay flowers on graves of people you don't know?"

I was thinking of earlier that day, of the name _Pence Victus, _and how it meant next to nothing to Xion.

Tilting her head, Xion didn't answer for a small moment. Then she bit her lip. "That's…hard to explain. I just don't want…anyone to be forgotten. And I want people to know they're not alone."

I scoffed. "What, dead people? I don't think they _can _care."

"I mean the people who _live_," Xion said."The people who have lost. The people who mourn."

"That's stupid."

Xion crossed her arms, flushing with anger. "My turn then. Why do you visit Lea…so often…even though he probably doesn't even know you're there?"

"I…" _She got me. _"I guess I just want to…be there. So he's not alone. So Terra…"

"See?" Xion smiled gently. "You understand. That's what I mean."

"All right, all right, I get it." But surprisingly, I was smiling too. "My turn again."

I searched for another question. Xion sighed, folding her hands into her lap, and for a second her sleeves moved enough for me to see her scars again. The question got to my lips before I realized what I was asking.

"Why do you cut?"

She had expected this question. Straightening, Xion pulled a new marker from the pack she had just bought from Braig. She stowed the rest of them into her pocket and then raised her arms, uncapped marker in one hand and the other lifted towards one of mine.

"Give me your hand."

I obeyed, curious.

"Close your eyes."

Doing as I was told, I closed my eyes, washing myself with darkness, blocking out the sun. I felt Xion's small cold hand on my arm.

"Can you see them?"

Everything felt surreal. And almost kind of silly. "See what?"

"My…scars. Can you see them?"

"No, obviously not."

Something thin and cold touched my skin; I could feel Xion tracing lines across my arm. What was she doing, drawing fake scars?

"Open your eyes."

I looked down at my now bare arm (Xion had pushed back my sleeve) at the three parallel red lines that almost looked like claw marks.

Xion revealed her own lacerations, slowly pulling back her sleeves, head bent forward in intense concentration.

She looked up. "Can you see them now?"

"Xion…" Something inside me was writhing in agony.

"Shh." Xion inched forward, very carefully placing her arms on my crossed legs. "Look at them. They're already starting to fade. But you know what? Some of them will never go away. Yours…" Her eyes went to the false scars she had just drawn. "Yours will be gone by tomorrow."

She exhaled slowly, as if saying so many words in one breath had exhausted her.

In that moment I had no idea what to say. Xion hung her head, looking so much like an ashamed kitten that I almost embraced her. But something was holding me back. I looked down at the methodical tears on her skin— broken, pale skin on the arms of a prisoner. These scars were her shackles; they were tying her down just as my own kept me at bay. Mine were just a little less physical (mostly; ones I had gotten as a child had long since faded). And that was exactly what Xion was trying to say: that she displayed her chains in the hopes that someone would see them…and set her free.

Before she could take them away from me, I wrapped my hands around her wrists, stroking the cuts with my fingers. I had something to say.

"But you know, there's still something I don't understand."

Xion didn't respond.

"To me," I went on, "it looks like you're trying to make a point… That you want to say something. But why don't you just open your mouth?"

I pulled her hands closer to myself, revealing more of her arms. When Xion didn't say anything, when she didn't pull herself away, I let myself trace her scars again, running my thumb over the dark, rough lines. The first time I had seen them, in the corner of my deserted kitchen, the moment had been too brief. I hadn't realized that there was something odd about them— something strange: at every fourth scar a diagonal one ran through them. With a rare pang of sadness I realized what they actually were.

Tally marks.

My breath caught in my throat. "Why…" I swallowed. "Why would you do this to yourself?"

Finally, Xion pulled her hands away, the scars disappearing into the folds of her sleeves.

Slowly, she raised her eyes. The blue sapphires were a shade darker than usual. "Is that your next question?" Her tone was unnervingly steady.

"I… No, but…"

"My turn." I was too shocked by her reaction, by her expression, by her demeanor, to say anything, so she kept going. "Don't you hurt yourself too?"

"Huh?"

"Why did you attack Ven today? You hurt him, but he's not the only one who got hurt. Why do you…fight? Do you like it?"

I frowned. "Well, I don't particularly enjoy it. I mean, I guess it even scares the hell out of me sometimes, but…"

I didn't know how to continue. It seemed I didn't know the answer myself. And thinking about it this way, maybe Xion didn't know why she did it either.

"Well?"

"Maybe I'm just"—and then I understood—"trying to get someone to listen."

Xion was smiling sadly at me. She looked down at the tips of her fingers poking out of her sleeves. "But…the thing is…I didn't…"

"Yeah? Didn't what?"

"Never mind."

We lapsed into silence. We both knew it was my turn, but I couldn't seem to come up with anything good. I thought back to when I'd first met her, everything that I'd wanted to know. I thought of her notebook, and the name "Zexion" came to mind. But I brushed it away. The past was past. It—_he_—didn't matter anymore. He was long gone who knew where, and this was _me _sitting here centimeters from Xion, not him.

"Why do you write poetry?"

The poetry part was a guess— from all I'd seen, Xion had an admiration for poetry, and the short glimpses of writing I'd seen in her notebook implied stanzas.

Xion shrugged, her expression solemn. "It's…an escape. I get to…be who I want to be. I have fun writing poetry." Her voice was lighter.

"Is it all just depressing shit?" I joked. And then Xion gave me a skeptical look, so I shook my head quickly. "That's not one of my questions."

Xion needn't have answered, but she did anyway. "It's not all depressing."

"What do you write about?" I took a second to reconsider. "That's not a question either."

Red color flooded into her cheeks at an alarming rate. "I don't…want to tell you."

I wasn't hurt. In fact, her refusal was what I had been hoping for. "Good. You don't have to."

Finally, ever since I had brought up her scars, Xion brought her eyes to meet mine. For an infinite moment she didn't look away. I'd stared at her this openly only once before, when I had found her crying by the side of the road. She'd looked so broken then, so sad and battered and alone, so intensely empty. This time was vastly different. Her gaze was gentle, eyes tearless and dry. And there was something there behind her pupils, something that had replaced the barrenness. A word rose to the front of my mind, a vague memory of a story begging to be acknowledged, but then Xion looked away and eternity came to an end.

Then she spoke, like my expression had made her remember something. "Vanitas… Do you think love exists?"

Weird question. I searched for an answer, something vague to ease her mind.

"Maybe it does." And then I had more to say, more thoughts rushing forward to be acknowledged. "But then again, maybe it's just bullshit. People think they love each other infinitely through time and space, but inevitably fall away from each other. Is that really love then? But you know, recently, I think I'm starting to see that it does exist. Maybe…" I gazed at her; I wasn't going to let myself look away.

Xion flushed, her eyes suddenly downcast.

"Xion. Look at me."

She peeked at me from under her eyelashes. This was my last question. I wasn't gonna waste it. She had to answer. _This is my chance. _Finally, I would know the truth.

"Do you like Roxas?"

If she liked him, then there was nothing I could do. I told myself I would give up. I told myself I'd stop trying to be this person I wasn't. But the fact was, I couldn't imagine letting her go.

Xion's eyes were wide. "I…"

That word floated up again, just on the tip of my tongue, but it was gone before I could grab ahold of it.

"Well? It's an easy question. Yes or no?"

Xion took a deep breath. Then she shook her head. But before I could do anything with this new information, she got to her feet, quickly stowing away her markers.

"We should go home."

I was two steps behind her as she hurried ahead. It was as if she was afraid of confronting me, of seeing my reaction to what she had said.

Only when we were halfway to my house did it dawn on me: Just a little while ago I'd refused to help Xion to her feet, afraid I'd offered too much. But I had ended up giving much more than just a hand. I'd opened up and had told her everything she had asked of me, anything she had wanted to know. She had an arsenal now of things she hadn't known about me before. But there was no way this couldn't end badly, right? I supposed that was the point of it all. Maybe I was just tired, and didn't care if there was no chance this could end well. Or maybe that Q and A had sparked something in me.

I allowed my thoughts to settle into a pathetic jumble as we approached my sorry excuse of a house. I opened the door, moving almost robotically, not knowing what to say, or if I should say anything at all.

Xion spoke first. Hands behind her back, she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, uneasy, restless. She looked absolutely wonderful, face shining with a radiant brightness that may or not have been because of me.

"I have…one more question left."

"Oh." I hadn't kept count.

"You…don't have to answer just yet."

_Is it that hard of a question? _"Shoot."

"Will you…" She smiled a bit anxiously. "Will you play the piano for me one day?"

She was right. I couldn't answer that question.

"Thank you," she said, bowing slightly.

"But… I didn't say yes."

"No." Her raven hair sashayed when she shook her head. "For everything else. For…today."

I didn't necessarily think the entirety of the day had been one of my best ones. She seemed to realize this too, because she bit her lip, and then went on, "You'll…apologize to Ven, won't you?" And when she looked at me—like kids do to someone they admire, their own personal hero—I couldn't say no.

I nodded. "I will."

That was enough for her. She nodded one last time, and I stood in my wretched doorway a long time after she had disappeared from view.

That word. I'd seen it in her eyes again at that very last plea.

The story came slowly. I hadn't been paying attention. Mr. H had forced me to write an essay.

Pandora. The first woman on Earth, according to the Greeks. Almighty asshole Zeus had ordered Hephaestus, the god of dexterity, to create her— and he did. But Pandora had one major flaw: curiosity.

Like always, it wasn't long before something stirred amongst the gods. When this dude named Prometheus (that idiot) stole fire from heaven, Zeus got angry as shit and handed Pandora over (like she was some _thing_) to Prometheus's unsuspecting father. But Pandora didn't go alone. People call it Pandora's box, but really it was a jar that she was specifically told not to open. Of course, Pandora didn't really have much of a choice, and she opened it to find out what was inside.

That was where things got interesting. She ended up releasing everything malicious, everything evil, all human sins, into the world. Freaking out, she tried to close it, but everything in the jar had escaped—except for a single spirit.

That word.

The secret in Xion's eyes when she looked at me.

The spark inside my chest, the rebirth of a long-gone fire—

Hope.

* * *

><p><strong>Don't even. I know. I know it has almost been a year. And I am so, so sorry. A while back I just sort of hit a rough patch in life, and for the longest time I couldn't continue writing this without making Xion cry, or Vanitas cry, or them both cry because I was feeling pretty shitty myself. But I've finally got everything together now, and though things may still not be the best at the moment, I finally got around to finishing this chapter without anyone crying too much.<strong>

**Thank you all so much for being patient and loving and supportive no matter how long I take. This was probably the longest gap, and at this point I don't even know if anyone wants to read this anymore, but here it is anyway because I have VanShion needs to fulfill.**

**Review responses (man, I missed doing these):**

**pandamustache: "Aww what? A cliffhanger?" (Chapter 14)**

Be glad I don't write cliffhangers like Rick Riordan or Veronica Roth, man. This shizzle is nothing compared to some spawns of Satan out there. Anyway, sorry for making you wait so long. Hopefully you amused yourself with chapter 15!

"**Why did Xion choose just now to start talking again anyway?"**

Not the easiest question to answer, because there's so much involved. You can probably guess some things by yourself (at least, I hope so) but I mean at that point it was more of an in-the-moment thing. The fact that she continues speaking is a whole other issue altogether, and there will be more on that later. Some things were mentioned here, too.

**OmegaStarShooter14: "You did great on Vani's internal conflicts. Kudos!"**

Thank you so much! I worry about overdoing his thought process sometimes. In this AU he's turned into this person who is constantly questioning everything, so I'm glad it works well and doesn't drag on or anything. And the KH3 bonanza was the best. I haven't felt so close to the KH fandom for a long time.

**Emo Unfaltering: "…it belongs on a shelf of a bookstore."**

Must you say such nice things!? *blushes furiously* Honestly though, I've still got a long way to go if I want to make it that far. But I do know I am definitely on my way ;) Thank you for your awesome support! You don't know how much everything means to me.

**The Dismotivator: "But whenever I read a story and the characters go to a graveyard and don't act like a bunch of sissies, it makes me warm inside."**

I feel like I have a thing for graveyards or something. O_O Whatever the case, I enjoy characters being serious or just plain human around graves. I feel like every time I pass a graveyard I just unconsciously get all quiet and morose, and sometimes sad and angry at the same time, and I kind of wanted the same sort of feeling to waft from Vanitas.

"**I pity the lost friendships between these two. Terra's a nice guy to have on your side."**

Definitely. Honestly, even in canon-verse, if Vanitas got the chance to repent for everything he did and be different, he and Terra could become best buds. Like, bros for life.

"**And how does one get yanked by the elbow? O_o"**

Oh c'mon, have you never seen a parent tugging a young creaming, limbs-flailing child along by the elbow because they can't really hold onto anything else? That's kind of what I imagined when I wrote that, anyway.

"**I'm curious about his surname, too. :3"**

Victus. Latin for: nourishment. Food. Yep, Pence's last name is food. But wait, there's more! Victus can also mean living, or to be alive. The irony! (Because he's dead.) And yeah, I mean, I sort of wanted a known character to be dead so it wasn't just a random name. Poor Pence came to mind. But this fact will be slightly significant later.

"**I forgot if there was something in the attic that was important, but if Vanitas was just going there to escape going to the window, then I guess it's not really for a thing. But the attic isn't important, because soon after he reaches the attic, he gets a visit from Casper - I mean, Xion, and she has a nice golden wildflower. How sweet. Maybe she picked it out because it was the color of his eyes? X3 (That actually sounds legit. O_o)"**

Actually, that is totally what I was going for. The yellow eyes thing. And you bring a very good point about the attic, and you have made me very proud for making you think it might be important because EEYYY DIS CHAPTER! So now you know why the attic actually is important. Yay me.

"**I'll take this opportunity to apologize for how late this review seems to be, and how unnecessarily long the last one was."**

NEVER apologize for a review. I ADORE both long and short reviews. Long reviews make me gush and want to curl into a ball and roll around on my bed. Short and sweet reviews make me want to squeal and dance around. My point? Don't apologize. I love you. Late reviews trump no reviews at all, you know.

** : "you are fantastic at Vanitas's point of view, so tragic/mysterious."**

Why thank you! It's really tricky writing in first person (though I love doing it, hehe) because it's so easy to get really-out-of-character or basic with language. So this is one of the best compliments I can get!

**ken08002: "This is the type of story that still keeps me devoted to fanfiction."**

That's it. I'm gonna start crying now because you guys are too wonderful to be real. *Wipes tears.* Thank you for being so wonderful, y'all!

**Well, that's it for the review responses this time. I've hit 70 reviews! LIKE. SERIOUSLY. So just for fun, let's have a character Q-and-A, shall we? In your next review, post a question to one of the characters from the story and they'll answer at the end of the next chapter! Idea credited to Cassandra Clare, author of the Mortal Instruments and Infernal Devices series. Some things you should know: Try asking only one question. There are only so many questions that can be answered, and if you list too many you may not be able to hear one you desperately wanted an answer to. Also, nothing will be spoiled in questions, so keep in mind what kind of things you want to ask. I'll do this every now and then, and maybe give extra scenes and stuff like that if I ever write anything I can't post normally.**

**Speaking of other things, has anyone here ever consider Vanitas x Ventus as a pairing? Platonically? Romantically? Not in this story of course, but generally? Opinions would be great. I have a story that has around 10 chapters already (this is what I started writing in my depressed state, be warned) and I want to know how interested you guys or people you'd know would be if I ended up posting it.**

**Thanks again for the patience and support and wonderful comments, guys! I love you all, and all critique and criticism for this chapter will be appreciated. The next update? I can't promise anything, but the wait definitely won't be 9 months -_-**

**As for the next chapter, I'm **_**really **_**excited about it. Things are about to take a really sharp turn. Someone makes an unexpected appearance, and there's a party, and a **_**kiss. **_

**Until then, my lovelies! It's great to be back.**

**~DestinyCrusader**


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